Soo... Funny Story

"Ahn~! Don't be so rough~."

"Piss off, hoe." Nicholas deadpanned and chucked a boulder at Kiyohime, with no hesitation whatsoever... No, it seemed as though he was trying to crush that bug you throw your shoes at from a distance, "If you think every mook that comes along is Anchinchin or whatever, you a hoe according to the Bible. The grind compels you, begone."

"Hm! Hm!" Martha nodded furiously, holding up both her hands with a proud smile plastered on her face, "I thought he didn't pay attention to my recitals... but he does!"

The Dragon vanquishing Saint paused in thought for a moment before she burst out crying, "Sniff... Sniff... I'm so prousshd!"

Kiyohime simply giggled and waved the fan in her hand, releasing azure flames that melted right through the piece of Earth... nonchalantly.

Gudako gave them all the stink eye, unamused but completely used to the absurd antics they got up to if left to their own devices, "Look at them Mash, this is why you shouldn't do drugs."

"Nicholas-senpai says the same. He says an all natural body is far superior to 'juiced up' ones..." The Mashmallow bobbed her head up and down in agreement making her contracted Master sigh.

"What has he done to you, Mash?"

"I mean... I think Nicholas-senpai is a good person."

"Yeeah..." Gudako drawled for a bit before pointing backwards with her thumb, "It hasn't even been a full two hours since he made a little girl cry and run away... No wait, he told her to kill herself."

"...Er senpai... That little girl was a dragon... or at least related to them."

Gudako froze.

"...She was what now?"

"A dragon."

"..."

Nicholas glanced back at the two kids and chortled, visibly amused, "I didn't think I could miss this..."

He then glanced at the blonde chick that had joined their group while he wasn't there before pausing and properly looking her up and down, she looked a little too familiar to the crybaby witch, "Who is you?"

"My na-..."

"That's Jeanne D'Arc!" Martha appeared in front of her, cutting the patron Saint of France off with tinted cheeks, "You can't w-woo her because she's too devoted... How's that?! Taste failure and grow up, damn brat. You can't punch everything and win!"

It was weird how hard she seemed to be trying to keep him from talking to the blonde... and he wasn't even all that interested in her anymore.

Momma didn't raise no skirt chaser.

Also, he was technically a married man now.

Now he wanted to shoot his shot at Atilla the Hun... Man needed to dream big if man wanted to accomplish something of value.

Nicholas pursed his lips and curiously held up a hand, "Didn't this time's Jeanne go emo goth mode and grow an arson boner?"

"Yes. It is just as you say... Some other version of myself is wreaking havoc on my country and I believe it is she that is the root of the problem you and your esteemed people have come to investigate..." Jeanne D'Arc put a hand over her chest, taking in a deep breath, "Allow me to help you on this endeavour, however little I can."

Nicholas started eyeballing her.

...

..

.

"W-What? H-Have I done something to offend you?"

"Do you want me to get rid of her, dear?" Kiyohime proposed nonchalantly, opening her fan.

"Lady, to hell with yo chinchin or whatever. I ain't no chinpin."

Gudako chortled, "Oh he messed it up even harder."

"It's strange because senpai shouldn't be able to forget anything."

"Yeah but he's American, that's all the explanation anyone needs." The senpai gently taught her kouhai.

Nicholas flatly flipped his 'friends' the bird, turning to look at Jeanne, "Yeah... see, there's a problem. I don't think she the cause for this singularity."

"And how do you know that, Master?" Martha prodded further, narrowing her eyes, "My gut tells me I shouldn't ask but I want to."

Nicholas scratched the back of his head, looking off to the side, "Sooo... funny story really..."

-

Marie Antoinette was a ruler of France that fully embodied what it meant to be a monarch.

Prim and proper.

Loving and understanding.

Hardworking and earnest.

"Leave... me... alone! It's been hours, he might be in trouble!"

And currently being dragged through the mud because she'd made the genius decision to stop the altered Jeanne D'Arc from rushing off behind Nick by... drum roll please... latching onto the clearly stronger woman's feet.

"A-Amadeus! Heeellph meee!"

"How about... no? A monarch should bear the results of her failure." Mozart shrugged in response, leaning against a tree, "I would help you but that'd put you in even more danger if she decides to... er..." The musician scratched his chin, looking to the sky above for guidance as their eccentric ally's different words raced through his mind, "'Stroke her arson boner'... That's apparently what people in the future call setting things on fire."

Their discussion was cut off by a deafening boom that shook the very ground under their feet... Followed by another... and then another as Jeanne drew her sword and braced herself for another battle... and then a very familiar purple haired woman landed near them, ripping a crater into the Earth as she turned to glare at Jeanne.

"You! How dare you take advantage of my Master?"

"What? Martha? How? We already killed you!" Jeanne slammed down her flag, sparks rolling off her dark blade, "What the hell did Gilles do?"

"You... already what?" The woman's 'anger' seemed to dissipate instantly as Marie skittered away to hide behind a tr-... W-Wait, get ready to fight! Yes! She would beat this woman with her bare hands!

"You had Madness Enhancement after I-... Gilles summoned you... He took over and we had to put you down."

The woman stopped all hostilities instantly, tilting her head in confusion, "Ho-... Wait, no, I see... Doctor Romani told me about this..." Martha paused again, "A-And what of my Master... N-Nicholas... w-what did he do?"

"...I guess he seemed to not want to do it?" This time, it was Jeanne's turn to be confused, "No wait, I remember he didn't hit you nearly as hard as he hit Fafnir and me... took a fuckload of hits too... Which is kinda weird now that I think about it."

Martha stared at her in silence... before she started giggling like a weirdo the likes of which Marie had only seen in royal courts... only difference being that the dwarves weren't quite 'up' to standards.

Eh? Eh?

No?

Marie took her leave in silence, quietly hiding behind a tree.

Martha didn't ask anything else, retreating to her own world and Jeanne couldn't understand just what it was that she was supposed to be doing. Mozart looked between either party strangely, visibly confused.

"What is go-"

He never got to finish his question, cut off by a sudden surge in heat as a realisation struck Jeanne across the face, "Who the fuck you calling a leech? And take advantage?! S-Screw you! He's the one who p-p-proposed!"

"As if!"

-

Nicholas watched the entire exchange from a neary tree, occasionally glancing back to see how long it'd take the rest of the Chaldean party to catch up, "Hehe... catfight."

He continued to refrain from giving a shit about how he kinda may have caused it in the first place.

"But Sir Nicholas... They're going to burn the forest down."

The pale haired teenager glanced at the Saint that had matched his pace and was standing next to him.

"I don't give a shi-..."

Nicholas' face scrunched up like someone had kicked him in the balls.

You see, in that forest was something so important to Nicholas, he would fight a war over it.

He couldn't allow them to burn the forest down, even if it meant breaking a sacred code and stopping a catfight.

But his interference kinda made him conflicted.

He wanted to but at the same time, didn't want to.

So, he did the next best thing.

"Wha-..."

"You saved France, you can save a manny pack... I choose you."

He kicked Jeanne off the tree, right into the middle of a pair of bickering women.

"W-What the fuck are YOU doing here?!"

"I won't allow you to interfere! However much I admire you!"

"A-Ah..." The patron Saint of France was forced to put on a strained smile.

-

Gudako walked listlessly, "Of course he sexually harassed a Saint... And she probably thought he was professing his love."

"N-Nicholas-senpai is highly skilled in interpersonal relationships! Few can claim they made a villain see the light." Mash tried to be optimistic.

"Yeah no, screw him... I kinda get why it worked... People were more gullible back then." Yu offered over comms.

Her words were followed by the sounds of crashing, "Director! Put down the gun! N-No! Don't shoot him!... W-Wait, why are you pointing it at me?! NO! Don't shoot yourself either! NO! You can't commit double suicide! Think about the rest of humanity!"

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

...I'm sorry for missing updates, I got a stupid ass fever.

-

You can find up to 9 chapters ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap