Text Messaging Snafu

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"Now?" 

"Not yet, Papyrus." 

"Now?" 

"No." 

"What about the sauce?" 

"Not yet." 

Sans glanced over toward Frisky and Papyrus. She was trying to show him her way of cooking spaghetti. It sure would be nice to taste something different. He could now. He could leave the barrier area whenever he wanted to now. See what else was out there, but now he had Frisky and Chance there too. And they couldn't leave. Even their time outside had to be limited since the weather apparently went from okay for humans to cannot survive pretty quick. 

He looked at the Do and Don't list. It wasn't too bad, but one of the things he needed to do was stumping him. A loving name. A different name than anyone else would call her when he wanted to be . . . affectionate. That human girl got too in my head. Toriel, you really need to call and tell me the King changed this three-month thing already. Didn't you talk to him yet? Gah. I don't date. I don't bother with much at all. I eat. I joke. I'm not made for any of this. I don't know the first thing about anything. 

Outside though, he just kept calm. Acted like everything was completely fine. While inside, he was feeling frustrated. Toriel had his number now. Alphys had his number. Undyne had his number. Someone should be reaching him to say 'Hey, Asgore changed his mind when he settled down'. A year's not even long enough let alone three months. Why do I have to get punished just because I'm a Skeleton? I don't even date Monsters, how am I supposed to figure out how to date a human? This is so nuts. I mean, humans are so different. Heck, Undyne had Papyrus pretty convinced they were pets. 

It was supposed to go date. Then marriage. Then family. But, his life was working in reverse. 

He got family first, and then marriage. Now date . . . then family again. 

When he found out what he had to do, Sans was only focused on making Frisky not leave. During the committing. During the marriage. He wanted to make sure she never bolted, but that was over now. Reality was settling in. They'll call. Someone will call. I just need to concentrate on a thing at a time. What's a loving thing to call her? She says DETERMINATION all the time, but I don't think it'd fit well. Sweetums? Pumpkin pie? Ooh, it's been ages since I had pumpkin pie. That sounds good. No, no, focus! Guess not that. 

"What's a five-letter word for dumb?" Chance asked as he looked at the crossword puzzle he was working on. "Idiot or Moron?" 

"Try Sansy," Flowey suggested. 

"Windowsill isn't too far," Sans warned him. Heh, it was kind of neat to see some of Papyrus in Chance. The kid was brilliant, just like him and Pap, but it was the simplistic stuff that stumped him. He was dealing with crosswords but junior jumble killed him. Why couldn't I have just been the Uncle? He looking back toward Papyrus and Frisky again. Call. Come on. Call. When his cell rang, he picked it up on the first ring. "Yeah?" He looked back at it a second, forgetting to see who was calling. Yes, Toriel! "Hey, Tori. Sup?" 

"Well, I talked to Asgore like you wanted me too." 

 "Great. So?" 

"Um? I just can't get along with him anymore, Sans! I really don't think I am going to be able to help." 

"But you just said you talked to him?" 

"Yes, and it dropped to two months." 

What?! 

"I could try again if you really want, but I don't think it would work in your favor." 

"What's wrong?" Chance asked looking straight at him. "You don't feel right." 

Why, nothing kid. Nothing at all. Reality is just calling and apparently it's shouting on the phone at me. Two months? 

"Sans? Asgore does have others he will talk to. Maybe you should try them?" 

Alphys and Undyne. I've got to get them to talk to him. 

"You're manifesting?" Chance looked straight at him. "You're sweating, dad." 

And now he's calling me dad? Oh, I did say he could if he wanted. Why'd I say that? "Uhh . . . yeah. Dad, huh?" 

"I figured I'd try it." Chance shrugged. "Most kids call their dads dad. There is also daddy, poppa, pop, and father. Father sounds too proper and I think Pop would get confused with your Pap. I guess I can call you daddy too, or daddy Sans. I don't know. It's all weird. This whole thing is weird, but." He shrugged. "When you've got a soul people can jump into, you have to kinda get used to anything." 

"Ye." 

"Dad, huh? Are you talking to your son now? Have you decided what you want to do?" 

Oh, Tori, I'm still talking to Tori. "Uh, I'll try someone else. Thanks. I think." He hit end on the phone and texted Undyne and Alphys the same message. 

Uh, hey? I kind of need a favor. You're pretty chummy with the King, right? Great. Could you ask him to change the time I have to have a kid? Tonight, preferably. Maybe even now would be good? 

As he expected, Alphys texted him first. 

Alphys: I'm here with Toriel still. She said you might text me, but I don't know if I could do that. I'm just his royal scientist. We're not chummy. 

Sans: Kay. Could you try? Maybe? 

Alphys: Do I have to? 

Sans: Kinda yeah? Please? 

Alphys: Um. I don't know. 

Dang. Alphys was too shy. Sans tried to think of what to say when he got a text from Undyne. 

Undyne: Geez, Stallion, let her breathe! 

Huh? That didn't make sense. Sans: I'm trying to. 

Undyne: Sure, yeah, you call that breathing? It hasn't even been 24 hours. 

 Sans: Come on, Undyne. Please help? 

Undyne: As anxious as you are, I doubt the human is as anxious. Seriously. 

 Sans: I'm sure she's just as anxious. 

Undyne: Considering that kiss, maybe, but I don't know. 

 Sans: Please? Pretty please. Give me a break, Undyne. 

Undyne: I really didn't know it was like that, but. Confusing but then. Whatever, I'll tell the King. 

Yes. Undyne would probably get it done. He waited about a minute to get a text back. 

Undyne: He seemed totally okay with it. Thrilled actually and wished you luck. 

 Sans: Great. What is it, a year? 

Undyne: What's a year? 

 Sans: Uh? The kid thing? 

Undyne: Sans, what are you talking about? 

 Sans: What are you talking about? 

Undyne: You didn't text me that, you texted me you wanted a kid now. 

What?! Sans looked back at his original message. Oh, he'd done it too fast. It did sound like that, but why would she assume that? Sans: Undyne? That's not what I meant. I meant ask him for an extension now, not for permission to have it now.  

Undyne: Oh. Sorry. 

Sans: How could you possibly think it was the other way?! 

Undyne: Cause stud, I saw your kiss. You practically mauled her against the wall. 

Oh. Sans: I didn't know how long it was supposed to be. 

Undyne: Don't even. Who you foolin'? 

Sans: That wasn't what it looked like. There was something inside of her that I couldn't figure out, and instinct just kicked in. 

Undyne: Sure, yeah. Instinct kicked in alright. 

Sans: Get it switched right, please? 

Undyne: Hey, don't blame me. You're the one who flirted with his wife. 

Sans: We. R. FRIENDS. FRIENDS. FRIENDS. 

Undyne: Yeah. Well. Just better watch out who you're telling knock-knock jokes to. Okay, hang on. 

Undyne: Okay. Listen, Sans. King Asgore doesn't like you right now. For one, you lied about your relation to your son. Then, Frisky told him no at the wedding and she kept interrupting. Then, Papyrus kept interrupting when he did offer a twelve-month break. He also said Frisky was a load of trouble in the Soul bearing. Not to mention the wife snafu. I will ask him to fix it BUT I wouldn't bother him for anything else. I really wouldn't. Seriously, he might ask me to hunt you down, y'know? 

Dang. This wasn't working out well at all. Then, he got a new message. Hopefully, Undyne got it reversed because that was really not happening. 

Alphys: He is super angry! I tried to ask him for an extension for you, and he said he doesn't appreciate the way you joke. Actually he typed it like he doesn't like the WAY YOU JOKE. Um, sorry. 

Shoot! She actually did stop to ask? Motion shift. I sooo need a motion shift right now. Then, he heard his cell go off again. 

"Sans?" Papyrus questioned. "You're phone has really been going off constantly. Who are you texting to?" 

Sans scratched his skull. "No one big. Um, getting congratulations and stuff." He looked back at the phone. Miracle. He needed a miracle. 

Alphys: Um. Okay. Um. Sans?  

She could have put more than that into the message. It wasn't making him feel any better. 

Alphys: I know there's something real bad about when Frisky failed missions. Chara accidentally brought it up, but even she wouldn't continue. So. You went through the soul bearing? 

Alphys: I don't know what it was, but you should, right? I'm not gonna ask what it is, but. Maybe. I mean, if it's something bad bad. Um. 

Alphys: Maybe King Asgore would give her a break instead of you? 

Alphys: Sans? 

Sans: NO. 

Alphys: Sorry. It is bad then. Okay. 

Alphys: Okay. He said he is willing to think about it. He might even grant an even longer than usual extension, but he wants to talk to her. 

That was good news. Sans: How did you get that? 

Alphys: I told him something Chara told me, and he kind of took it from there. 

Sans: What? 

Alphys: It's not good. Do I really have to say? 

Sans: What is it Alphys. 

Alphys: When Frisky was in the lab, she told me not to call Chance by any name but Frisk or 95451. After she said that, Chara said that every time someone called themselves something different than that number or name thing? Well, it was bad. 

Sans: What happens? 

Alphys: When she returned she would have been whipped for each time the other name was said. 

Alphys: Sorry. I don't think her world is really that nice. I haven't left the barrier yet because I'm afraid to see it. 

Alphys: OK. If she ever needs someone to talk to, let me know. 

Sans: I might hold you to that. 

Killed sister. Failed mission pregnancy experiments. Name change. Sans put the phone down. Everything probably had an offense. Any reason to punish humanity. They aren't getting their hands back on them. No one is. Not a human. Not a Balancer. No one. Sans just put on his usual grin toward Chance. 

"That smile is actually creepy," Flowey muttered. "Not being mean, that's just truth. Ph-phone conversation not going well, Sansy?" 

"Wh-why did you call Sans, Sansy?" Chance asked. 

"C-Cause it was another word for idiot or m-moron. O-open a dictionary." 

"Not in the mood," Sans warned him. Okay, like it or not, at least that was fixed better. Next thing. Loving name. I don't know. Dear? Lovey muffin? Ooh, muffins were good. I really shouldn't call her anything related to food, it takes my thinking the wrong way.  

"Sans, it's cold. Really cold in here." Chance breathed. "I can see my breath." 

Oh. Temperature. Even inside? He headed away to check the heat. Yeah, that heat thing. He turned it up. Maybe that would help? He headed back over. Chance was still shivering. "Not warm yet? Eh, don't worry. Couple more days and you'll be a Skeleton." 

"Huh?" Chance stared at him. "What?" 

"Skeleton," Sans said. "Couple more days. No worries, it won't be too bad." 

"I'm . . . I'm going to be a Skeleton?!" 

"Yeah. It'll be fine though," Sans said right before he watched Chance run to his mom. 

"Moooooommmaaa!" Chance grabbed her by the legs extra fast. "Am I going to turn into a Skeleton?! Sans said I am going to turn into a Skeleton?! Momma!" He drug her dress back and forth. 

"It's okay," Papyrus assured him. "You won't have any more body pains. No more sores or ickiness!" He said proudly. "Just some hurt bones if you lay on them wrong. Well, nothing's perfect." 

Papyrus had the right idea. "You won't feel cold. You won't feel hot," Sans added. "You'll be perfect all the time. You'll even be able to play outside no matter what the temperature is. You can even go to Hotlands with no problems." 

Chance was still gripping onto Frisky. "Momma?" 

"I know. Another big change," she said. "You'll be okay." 

"But I'm a conduit!" Chance whined. "Major changes are never okay for us!" 

Frisky bent down to her son. "Now, now. What would the others think if they saw you right now, hm?" 

"Mmm..." 

"What are you?" Frisky smiled. "Come on, what are you?" 

"I'm a Frisk." 

"That's right, you're the Frisk. The root Frisk," she said. "You're a real Frisk." 

"Yeah . . ." 

"And a real Frisk does what?" 

"Never cowers," he said weakly. 

"Who plummeted into ocean depths deeper than anyone else?" 

"I did." 

"Who fought the tough terrain on Mount Piyo Piyo to rescue that important Balancer?" 

"I did." 

"Who had the guts to jump into the fiery lava pits in the Ring of Fire?" 

"I did." 

"That's right 'cause you're a Frisk." She ruffled his hair. "This is just one more thing. So, prepare for it the same way you would prepare for anything else." 

"Yes, Sir!" Chance said as he saluted. He moved back over toward the table and scooted the crossword. "I'm ready to accept my fate, Sans. Um, do you have more advanced material than that little book too? Or is that all I'm getting and I need to just have the DETERMINATION to face it?" 

"No, don't. Don't start that up." Sans sighed. "Look, the more tense you are, the worse it'll be. Just stay loose and when it happens, me and Papyrus will help. Okay?" 

"But . . . but I don't work that way." 

Well, he'd just have to learn. 

"If Sansy says to stay loose," Flowey butted in, "then you probably should. After all you're a Sansy, and a Sansy is as a Sansy does." 

On the surface it seemed like he didn't say much. Sans' own friends called him Sansy sometimes, but he also knew he was using it as a substitute from the crossword puzzle's Moron or Idiot. But, he couldn't expect Flowey to be too perfect. If he was . . . well, that would be weird. 

"Come on, Chance," Flowey continued as he bopped his petals around. "Listen to your dad. All sons are supposed to listen to their daddies." He just looked toward Sans. "Daddies know best. Don't they, Sansy? Daddy? Hey, why not Sansy Daddy? Or, how about Sansy-Bones Daddy? Or Sansy the Bone Daddy?" He snickered. "What? I'm not saying anything bad. Daddy." 

"What about yet?" Papyrus asked. 

"Not yet." 

"But look at all the bubbles!" Papyrus whined. 

Well, another problem solved. Sans sat down, thinking of his next step. Have Frisky confide in King Asgore and get more time? Frisky kept information locked up tighter than a safe. Uh, at least I've got a teeny bit of time for that. Let's see . . . oh yeah. Loving name. His mind still ricocheted from one subject to the next. Then to one food from the next. Why did so many loving names have food involved? 

"What about now?" Papyrus asked again. 

"Trust me. Not yet. We can open the sauce though," Frisky insisted as she grabbed a sauce can. 

"Are you sure?" Papyrus asked. 

"Yes, just have faith." 

Hmm. Hey, she does say that sometimes. Usually after her whole determination spill. Maybe? Plus, it's not food. And hey, I could work with that. Sans trotted over toward them to test it out. "Hey, how about DETERMINATION? You say it all the time. It could be your name." 

"Determination isn't really an appealing name," she disagreed. "Are you still thinking about what King Asgore said at the committing? I'm not 'programmed' and I like Frisky. Of all my mission names, I like it the most." 

"Come on, just have some faith in it." He got a confusing look from both of them since he gave his usual pun delivery pause. They didn't get it yet. Frisky probably didn't even know about needing one yet. Which made it even better. "Is it ready yet?" 

"I've asked several times," Papyrus said. 

"Just be patient, it will get done," Frisky said. 

"Just have some . . . faith?" 

"Oh, but I am tired of having so much faith it will get done," Papyrus complained. "It is taking forever!" 

"Aw, come on, bro. You can never get tired of faith." 

"It will get done, I promise." Frisky sighed and stirred the sauce. "Good food takes time." 

"And faith," Sans added. "You need to have faith to have good food." 

"Oh. No, no, no," Papyrus said, getting the hint. He knew. "You're picking that one for it?" 

"Why not?" 

"Too punny for you, way too punny." 

"I like it." 

"It's too punny, no!" 

Yep, that was it. 

"Now it's ready." Frisky was paying too much attention to the meal to catch it. Just like a Frisk, she was concentrated only on her goal. She grabbed the spaghetti and dropped it in. "We just need to wait." 

"For how long?" Papyrus whined. "A couple of minutes?" 

"No, about eight. We'll taste test it." 

"Really, that long?" 

"It's alright, Papyrus." Sans watched Papyrus' scrunched up face, knowing what was coming. "Just have some faith." 

"No, no, no, no." Papyrus kept shaking his head. "Really, not that one. Just not that one." 

"I can work with it." 

"You can work with it too well, Sans!" 

"Repeat. I hate repeating stuff." 

Sans and Papyrus stopped to look at Flowey in the middle of the table. 

"What?" Flowey asked, noticing them. 

"What do you mean by repeating?" Sans questioned him. 

"Nothing," Flowey said to them. "You're having better spaghetti, but it's still just spaghetti. Aren't you ready to try something different yet, Daddy Sans? Hey, I like that. It's got a rhythm to it. Hey, Chance, how about that? Do you like Daddy Sans?" 

What. A pain. 

Frisky turned back around and grabbed a large spoon to taste the noodles. She gave Papyrus a taste test. "See how they aren't hard? That means they are done. We just need to drain the water now." 

"Drain the water?" Papyrus asked. "Really, you take out the water too? Is that what prevents the freezing as fast?" 

Frisky didn't even say anything to that. She just drained the spaghetti holding its top and told Papyrus to stir the sauce. "Okay. It's ready." 

"Are you sure this time?" 

"Yeah, have faith in it, Bro." 

"Saaaaans!" 

Frisky looked between Sans and Papyrus. She knew something was up, but couldn't pinpoint it. She sat down at the table. It was actually a nice table. Another thing Sans and Papyrus had to add. They also had to add two new beds, a dresser and they brought the couch back downstairs. It was nice being able to walk where she pleased without shackles too. Overall though, that was about it so far for real big changes. 

But, as she served everyone the food and sat down, everything came back to her. The marriage part was over, but now what? Would King Asgore change that date? What if she didn't make the date? It would be easy to lie, but then what happened if she did lie? Punishment was routine in her world. What would King Asgore do? And was she really going to have a baby in three months again? And . . . how? Everything was so different between Underground and the rest of the world. 

Which made her think about when she was eventually caught. For the cruelest offenders, they weren't mindwiped. She couldn't have any more mindwipes anyhow. So the results? Look what it did to KINDNESS. Someone who had the strongest essence of KINDNESS. 

Like Chara used to say. Liquid remedies were nothing to mess with. She was truly lucky she managed to have Chance. 

Then again, at least it wasn't a physical thing. Like, like the higher soldier and subservient that were allowed to physically use their bodies to . . . like, what Conner always wanted to . . . 

 I'm sure it wouldn't work like that! I mean, right? Besides, Sans a Skeleton. There's not exactly anything to . . . interact with. No, I know Underground isn't as advanced, but I mean, not that way. It's not that way. It wouldn't be that way? I really need to think about something else. Flowey, how to help Flowey. That would help steer her mind in a different direction. 

"This is the best spaghetti I have ever tasted in my entire life!" Papyrus shouted with delight. "Soft yet warm. Pliable. Not frozen. No extra water. The sauce is warm. It's absolutely perfect! What do you think, Sans, have you had a bite yet?" 

Sans didn't have to answer as Frisky saw him already going back for seconds. It was the most simplistic spaghetti she could have made, yet Papyrus and Sans devoured it like it was a gourmet meal. Papyrus was taking turns eating in between making notes. 

"Wowie!" Papyrus said as he stuck out an orange tongue. "It was so good, I instinctively manifested a tongue to taste it!" 

Sans stuck his tongue out at him. "I did that before I even started." 

"Nooo . . ." Papyrus looked at his plate. "Sans, no, you have to share that too!" 

Sans had already gotten a hold of the sauce pan. "What? Just trace amounts." 

Frisky helped her son with his crossword, but watched Papyrus and Sans. They practically argued over her food. Sans was trying to pun Papyrus to death, but Papyrus had to remind him that he couldn't do more than twenty puns a day around her anymore. In the end, each of them were cleaning each of the pots clean. 

While Sans was cleaning up the sauce, there was a knock on the door. Papyrus took the spaghetti pot as he answered the door. "Who would be bothering us at this time of night?" He laughed. "Night. Oh, the stars should be out by now! We should all go see the stars later!" 

Frisky didn't say a word.