Chapter : 6 : Is Mustard a Noble Phantasm?

Mhm, this is indeed a very awkward situation we are now in. What is that awkward situation and with who? Well if I do recall correctly, I asked Guild Girl who has a very obvious crush on me to help me bathe. Of course this had no possible way of going wrong whatsoever. I'm being sarcastic, it totally went all weird. So now after that we are awkwardly sitting  while facing away from each other on my bed- stop. wait. Sitting upwards normally after doing nothing else after the shower. To clarify, we did nothing on the bed, got that? Though I wouldn't mind- I mean back to awkward silence.

Gudako: U-uh hey, I need to clarify something.

Guild Girl: Y-yes! What is it?

Gudako: Do I really need to squish and like massage my boobs when I shower? It seems sort of unnecessary, don't you think?

... another silence. Is she thinking on it? So I quickly give a glance back and see her shaking and slowly turning into a tomato. Huh... maybe I shouldn't have asked that.

Guild Girl: I-Ignore that! Please Ignore that! It's completely unnecessary! Just forget it ever happened okay!?

Confirmed, it isn't necessary. Putting that one in the proper mental files between yuri lewd things and actual shower techniques for girls. How do I know the distinction? It's easy! Just determine it by how red or how much Guild Girl stutters when I ask the question. Though it is concerning how much of both I got from that shower session alone... anyways maybe she needs some reassurance? Alright! I'll do that! That has to end the awkward silence!

Gudako: D-don't feel bad about it! In fact it felt good! Really good! So don't worry yourself! I also learnt a lot, you were really hands on and I think I can do well on my own now.

...

...

WHY DID I SAY THAT?! IS THIS INSTANT REGRET?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN FELT GOOD?!  HUH?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! NOT TO MENTION ME SAYING IT WAS REALLY GOOD?! WE DIDN'T EVEN GO THAT FAR! ALSO HANDS ON AND LEARNT A LOT?! IT MAKES IT SOUND TOTALLY LEWD! AHHHHH?!?! STUPID IDIOT ME!!! STUPID!!! Phew... just calm down and... SCREAM INTO THE PILLOW!!!

Gudako: *Muffled anguished screams of embarrassment*

Guild Girl: O-oh... alright then...

Look! Now she is completely weirded out! Now she thinks I'm some sort of lesbian sexual deviant! Ah! She's shaking in fear or something now?! What if my first friend is now afraid of me?! She probably is new to the whole being attracted to girls thing so it's probably too much for her isn't it!? Welp... goodbye Guild Girl, it was nice knowing you.

Guild Girl: Then does that mean...

She begins to stop shaking and I see... is that a hint of a grin on her face? No it can't be, I must be seeing things. There is no way she could be smiling after I said all of those embarrassing and weird things. Well that is until I suddenly see her turn into a blur and see the ceiling of the room. Ah, I've been pinned to the bed. I can also see Guild Girl's face uncomfortably close to mine, so there's that. Indeed, maybe she is the lesbian sexual deviant here.

...

Don't be so calm about this, me!

Guild Girl: It's alright if I touch you a bit more?

I mean I'm fine with it but isn't this a bit fast?! Ok... just answer calmly and reasonably.

Gudako: I-it's fine...

I responded calmly, but how was that reasonable?! I'm just escalating the situation!

Guild Girl: Then I'll be having a taste of what's mine, Guda.

I think my head just exploded into steam. Pray tell, where did she learn this?! I thought she was the innocent type, but this clearly isn't it! Ok, deep breaths... deep breaths... think calming thoughts as she begins touching your legs and has you pinned... pinned... unable to move... unable to fight back... getting touched...

...

Just like back then.

...

Calm down, this isn't like that goblin cave. I'm perfectly fine and healthy right now, and I very well consented to this even if it is a bit fast for my tastes. Mhm, I'm fine! Everything is alright! Legs intact and I'm getting touched by the pretty girl I have a crush on, not some nasty goblins in a dingy cave. I'm all good-

Guild Girl: -uda! Guda! Are you alright? Was I scary? Too rough? I'm sorry if I hurt you somehow.

Huh? Why is she panicking? I'm perfectly alright, in fact it felt goo- I am not making that mistake again. Anyways I think she was doing well, even if I was a bit lost in my thoughts.

Gudako: What are you worrying about all of a sudden? I'm really confused here.

Guild Girl: Well of course I would be worried! You started hyperventilating and your eyes looked glazed over! Not to mention that the only thing that brought this to my attention was when you started tearing up, it was really concerning! Oh and sorry if I got a bit loud there, I'm just worried.

Hmm... so to clear this up in my head. It seems whenever something remotely close to that event happens I get some sort of weird panic attack. Great! Now how am I supposed to make out with other women, huh?! Wait! That shouldn't be the concern here! I just learnt that I have some real big issues I gotta deal with! Ughh... this world really seems intent on screwing me over.

Gudako: Ah... I didn't notice that either, I guess I was a bit more than just lost in my thoughts. Sorry about that and getting you worried.

Guild Girl: Don't apologize, it wasn't your fault. It's mine for rushing things even though I knew what you went through, I'm sorry.

Gudako: Okay then, apology accepted. But if it's alright with you, can we stop for now? I think going any further is going to cause some issues.

Guild Girl: Its perfectly fine with me, I don't want to cause you any more stress by putting you through that again. Ah! But it's not your fault for reacting like that, alright?!

Gudako: I got that already, so...

Guild Girl: So?

Ahhh! This feels like that time I had to ask her to help me shower! Which wasn't that long ago now that I think about it, but still! Ok! Just power through like always!

Gudako: What does this make us exactly?

Guild Girl: Ah. I didn't think of that either...

Gudako: Oh...

Great, even more awkward silence. If I knew this would happen I would have just clumsily taken a shower by myself. But then again this is advancing our relationship somewhat, so hooray for showers? Anyways, this isn't going anywhere at this rate, so for the sake of not being single... discard my embarrassment! Swallow my pride! Just keep going like my gacha addiction!

Gudako: I-I mean I like you, not just in a friend way too. I also think you're pretty, and dependable, and good at people skills and stuff... I'm not good with this okay?! But in short... I like you in a romantic way!

Guild Girl: Pftt- hahaha! I didn't think you would be so blunt about it! But...

I feel my face heat up, was I really that blunt about it? Isn't this like how confessions work? I don't know at all! Stop thinking about it!

Guild Girl: I feel the same way. I think you're pretty as well, but I can't say the same for the dependable or good at people skills part.

Gudako: Oh! T-thank you...

She thinks I'm pretty! I can feel both my ego and embarrassment rising- wait a second!

Gudako: Oi! I just heard some Grade-A bullying thrown in there! You meanie-

I feel a peck on my cheek. I feel myself stiffen up and freeze before my soul begins to leave my body. This really is all so fast, but I have to respond in kind to this continuous teasing and bullying! So I retaliate with a ferocious peck of my own that may have been a bit too aggressive, but I ignore that part!

Gudako/Guild Girl: ...

We both simultaneously grab a pillow and...

Gudako/Guild Girl: *Muffled anguished screams of embarrassment*

-----

I sigh with content as I continue my routine of lazing around on the bed of my room. Even in another world I manage to achieve a lifestyle of laziness. Well, after that whole incident, Guild Girl sadly still had work to do, unlike my unemployed ass. So she had to go up and get back to sleep so she could handle the Guild's affairs tomorrow, not that the Guild is that far, it's only a few streets down from the Inn I'm staying at. 

I mean I'm not really being unproductive, Priestess told me to rest, so that's what I'm doing. Although I am living in this fantasy RPG world more like it's some sort of idle game, just tossing out my servants and having them do things while reaping all the rewards. I don't even really pay them do I? This totally makes me sound like some sort of shady company or slave owner somehow. 

Oh! Speaking of them I hear steps coming up to my room along with the window being thrown open. I see Hassan make a cool landing in front of the foot of the bed, gracefully landing without a sound as his cloak flutters in the wind. Then Cu follows in by unceremoniously barging in with a kick to the poor door, creating a loud bang that probably disturbed some other person sleeping since it's already the evening.

Hassan: I see a brutish warrior lacks tact even in making an entrance, even as an assassin of the night I am well aware normal people are sleeping at this hour. Anyways, I have-

Cu: Hah?! You're not even the same one I fought and you're still trying to pick a fight! 

Hassan: If you would be quiet, I was trying to say that I finished my mission regarding the slaying of goblins tormenting the nearby village. It took quite awhile as there were actually two camps of them, but I swiftly dealt with them nonetheless along with that Goblin Slayer fellow. However it did grant double the reward.

Cu: Well I was also here to say that. I picked up a quest for a camp of goblins lead by a hobgoblin, I dealt with those pretty fast. That Goblin Slayer guy did teach me some pretty handy tricks for dealing with them from before. Since I still had spare time I also dealt with a stray kobold pack. How's that?

Hassan: Are you perhaps trying to compensate for something by taking more quests than me?

Cu: What the?! You basta-

I probably should cut in before this gets out of hand. But if it's only these two I shudder to imagine hundreds of these guys...

Gudako: Alrighty then! It seems you two are getting along as usual. But since it's already late and I don't want to overwork you guys, take it easy. Use some of the reward money for a room in the inn or something like that. 

Cu: It's fine, I'll just camp out. Don't wanna spend all of our reward money on some inn.

Hassan: I am fine with the outdoors as well.

Gudako: Are you sure? You guys can't spiritualize and I'm sure that many quests gave us more than enough for two extra rooms.

Cu: It's all good, plus we should focus on saving towards a permanent home.

Hassan: Admittedly, that is a good idea to follow.

Hmm... I mean yeah, if I gave every servant I summoned an inn at the room I would end up broke or at the very least have my savings crippled. I do feel a bit bad, but they said they could handle it. I shouldn't underestimate them, the outdoors are probably no trouble.

Gudako: Ok, you guys can camp out. So see ya tomorrow and goodnight!

Cu: Gotcha, and goodnight to you too, Master!

Hassan: I will be setting up my camp for the night then as well, goodnight my lord.

Cu proceeds to walk out the door and close it normally, while Hassan jumps out the window for... Hassan reasons. Well it seems Hassan didn't close the window, so I better go do that-

*Clink*

I turn my head to the source of the noise and a small silver key is on the floor. Did this fall out of my pocket? I examine it for a bit before a pop-up from the system appears, saying it's name.

[ Dungeon Key (D++) ]

Oh yeah, it's the thing I won along with Hassan. But dungeon key? Wonder what it is? What does it do? Well might as well see what it is, so once again... system!

[ Does host wish to use Dungeon Key (D++) ]

I mean... I probably shouldn't since I don't know that it exactly does, so no-

[ Note: As this is the first dungeon key used by the host, it will be upgraded to Tutorial Dungeon Key (EX) and be bundled with a guaranteed SR equivalent roll in the dungeon, and a guaranteed servant summon after the dungeon is completed. Please also note that this is a one time offer, and if refused, will not appear again even if the key is reused. ]

Goddamnit! It's using the tactics of real gacha games to win me over! I've fallen for this countless times before though, so naturally I won't fall for it this time, hehe.

...

But a free SR equivalent roll and a guaranteed servant? Plus it's a one time offer and it's just the tutorial dungeon. So it can't hurt to take the offer, right?

...

No! This is the temptation of the gacha devil, must resist! Must resist! Must resist...

...

Fuck it! Yes! I take the tutorial offer! I must feed my gacha addiction! Am I possibly risking my life just to get some rolls? Hell yeah I am!

[ Confirmed. ]

[ Processing... ]

[ Tutorial dungeon being chosen via Grand Gacha System. ]

[ Processing... ]

[ Rolling Gacha... ]

[ Complete. ]

[ Inducing soul stasis... ]

Great, getting sleepy again... I hope the gacha doesn't decide to screw me over again... ah... that's a total flag... isn't it?

[ Beginning transfer to chosen tutorial dungeon... ]

[ Elden Ring. ]

Fuck you too... system...

-----

Ughh... I feel like I just passed out after getting slammed by a boulder to the head. Why does that soul stasis or whatever leave me so groggy afterwards? Can't it at least be nice enough to wake me up with the feeling of a full 8 hours of sleep? I really am getting bullied by the system and everyone, how mean. Anyways, I take a look around and I appear to be in a cold and dark corridor of some medieval castle, or remnants of it at least.

I pick myself up off the ground, don't want to stain my brand new clothes that have caused a massive misunderstanding after all. As my eyes adjust to the dark I see a the faint glow of a torch that still hasn't somehow gone out. That either means it's magical or some enemies are close by, I hope it's the former. Further up some stairs I see an even fainter golden glow, nope, that just screams boss.

So I take a look at the other possible way to go, and peaking my head out a bit from the small nook I seemed to spawn in, I see some knights manning a ballista. Well I guess that answers the torch question. A big nope from me! It seems this so called "tutorial" dungeon locked me up in between a rock and a hard place. I really have the worst luck for things with the word tutorial in it. 

Oh yeah! That guaranteed SR summon! I still have hope! Plus hopefully the system will let me summon my servants to help out as well-

[ No servants are allowed in the tutorial dungeon. ]

No servants?! Are you kidding me?! It's fine, I still have the SR roll, so please system. Do your magic and give me something good! 

[ Gacha initiated. ]

[ Special Gacha type detected. ]

[ Processing... ]

[ Added modifier successfully. ]

[ Processing... ]

[ Congratulations! You've won a card! ]

A card? What am I supposed to do with this? Poker the boss to death? Play goldfish? Destroy friendships with Uno?

[ Revealing... ]

[ Congratulations! You've won Berserker Class Card (Lancelot) ]

Holy shit! When the system said I won a card I did not expect this! This is actually really good! The system may bully me one minute and make me doubt everything, but this reassures me immediately! Also that sounds awfully like an abusive relationship, do I have an abusive relationship with gacha? Doesn't matter, I got something good. Anyways, how do I get this to work?

Gudako: Card! Activate!

Uh? What about... this!

Gudako: Card! Transform!

No? Then how about this!

Gudako: I call upon thee, Knight of the Round! Through your rage, through the might of Arondight, I command thee to lead me to victory! Destroy the king! Destroy your enemies! Activate Berserker Class Card, Lancelot!

*Sigh* Still didn't work, huh? I even thought motivating the card a bit would work, now I just feel stupid. Anyways what should I try next then-

*Clink* *Clank* *Rattle*

Metal? It sounds awfully like armor- oh... oh! I completely forgot about the knights standing outside of the door in my excitement and ended up shouting too much! I'm screwed, the best magic I have is some crummy spell that makes you feel a bit weak in the knees! How many  life or death situations do I have to be in?! Why can't I just live in comfort?! First those goblins and now this! This kind of stupid shit the system puts me through... really... pisses... me... OFF!!!

[ Berserker Class Card (Lancelot) Activated. ]

-----

Third Person P.O.V

The two knights had begun approaching the strange sounds they heard a minute ago that had alerted them. One of them drew their sword in preparation, while the other continued holding up a torch for a better view of whatever may have been hiding in the corridor. For all they knew it could be a random monster, or perhaps even a tarnished, so they approached with caution. 

What they didn't expect was for a mass of black smoke to be the source of the noise. However, hesitation was a common cause of death in The Lands Between, and so the soldier with the drawn sword swung nonetheless. However what greeted the two wasn't the sound of a sword cleaving through air or even flesh, but a metallic clang. 

A pitch black gauntlet that appeared from the mass of smoke had grabbed the sword's edge, stopping it dead in it's tracks. The knight tried desperately to pull the sword away, but it's blade had begun to be discolored in black and red, before being pulled into the inky blackness. The other knight in a panic had drawn their sword and cautiously waited for any movement. 

But far faster than the both of them could even hope to perceive a now black and red sword decapitated the both of them in a single clean swing. A pitch black figure of a knight emerged from the smoke and proceeded to pick up the other sword off the corpse of one of the fallen soldiers, corrupting the sword as well. This knight was Gudako, now enhanced by the class card.

Gudako: ArghHhhH!!!

After letting out a distorted screech of rage, whether it be from the system's bullying or the rage of the heroic spirit embodying the card, she dashed with blinding speed towards the golden fog gate. Ignoring the stairs leading up to it completely in favor of jumping off the wall, she stops in front of the fog gate by digging her heels into the stone to stop her momentum. 

Naturally, she respects the fog gate and slowly passes through per tradition. After adjusting from the dark tunnel to the blinding light of the outdoors, she is met with a somewhat narrow area littered with the weapons and armor of fallen warriors. Further ahead a grand castle lay in ruin, and beyond even that a great golden tree shined with a brilliant golden glow. 

Gudako: AhHhHhh! AhhHHhHhH. GahHhHhh?

A cloaked figure watches the new trespassers from a broken down tower, before revealing himself by speaking.

???: Foul Tarnished, in search of the Elden Ring. Emboldened by the flame of ambition. Hrah!

The cloaked figure then jumps down onto the ground in front of Gudako, kicking up a cloud of dust that is quickly blown away by the wind. This figure carries with it a oversized staff of wood, and stands at an imposing height far above that of any normal human. Which he very much is not, considering the abnormal growths and grey skin which he has.

???: Someone must extinguish thy flame...

The figure rises up from the position he landed in, revealing his towering height and disfigured face.

Margit: Let it be Margit the Fell!

Gudako: AhHhhHHhH!!!

Margit: Hmm? It seems you have already lost your sense of reason. No matter, I shall extinguish your ambition in the same manner as your predecessors. That is through death!

Margit started the fight not with a swing of his oversized staff which was much more like a club than anything else, but instead with a throw of a magical blade of light. It travelled at speeds no ordinary person could react to before being impaled, but Gudako currently was no ordinary person. Enhanced by the powers of a Knight of the Round Table, she grabbed the blade mid-air, corrupting it and turning it into her own noble phantasm.

Margit was shocked by this, his own magic turned against him, not to mention a temporary projectile turning into a permanent sword. Taking advantage of this, Gudako had previously thrown the sword she was holding previously in order to catch Margit's spell, which was now coming down. She kicked the blade straight into his chest, damaging him and knocking him out of his stupor.

Margit: G-grrr... I was merely caught off guard, Tarnished. Though such skill is commendable nonetheless. Grahh!

In retaliation, Margit swung his staff in a wide arc in hopes of crushing his opponent through sheer force. However, such an attack was far too slow and predictable, so Gudako avoided it with a high jump. Only to counter with a swing of the now corrupted blade of light which Margit managed to counter with another conjured blade of light, shattering both.

To avoid further retaliation from Gudako, Margit jumped back and proceeded to throw out multiple blades of light in the hopes of overwhelming his foe. Much to his disappointment, Gudako caught yet another of his thrown spells and used the corrupted blade to deflect the others. However Margit had planned for this and used the opening to perform an overhead slam with his staff.

*Clang*

Gudako: AhHhhHHHHh!!!

But this attack did not produce the sound of crushing of steel and flesh he had grown accustomed to, but instead the clang of striking metal and a bloodcurdling shout of rage. The ordinary sword of a soldier which Gudako had stolen was able to deflect such force, something that should normally be impossible, thanks to the ability of Lancelot. Knight of Owner, transforming anything deemed capable of being a weapon into a powerful noble phantasm. 

In a burst of unexpected speed Gudako had lodged both swords she was wielding into the torso of Margit. Then with even greater speed she collected a spear lodged into a wall before throwing it into his shoulder with such immense force it threw Margit slightly forward. This battlefield was littered with weapons, an immense arsenal of potential noble phantasms laid before Gudako, and she would abuse it to hell and back.

Margit: Thou art of passing skill. Warrior blood must truly run in thy veins, Tarnished.

Gudako: GraGhHhHHh!!!

Margit had grown tired of the games this Tarnished was playing, and so he decided to get far more serious than he does with most Tarnished he faces. He jumped high into the air, summoning a great hammer of light, preparing to completely crush the enemy that had caused him so much trouble. Gudako knowing even this would be problematic to block dodged to side and avoided it.

However in a turn of events, surprising her, Margit had followed up with another swing of his hammer. Gudako would have no time to dodge this, so taking a page from the book of a certain great warrior king, she grabbed a round shield and spear. The shield and hammer met, but enhanced with the properties of a noble phantasm and the strength of a heroic spirit, Gudako held firm.

But much dust had been stirred up from that impact so neither side was visible yet, but Margit knew from the abrupt stop of his hammer meant his opponent lived. In his caution he prepared to leap back yet again and follow up with a swing of his staff, but a strike from a spear that emerged from the smoke was faster and struck him in his abdomen. If he was not more careful, his defeat was certain.

If he were to delay in a battle of endurance however, he would most certainly lose as well, it was a battle that did not favor him in the slightest. Yet he did not give up, and conjuring a longsword of light he swung both it and his staff in a flurry. This cleared up the dust and created a flurry of attacks that could not simply be dodged or parried easily, this he had confidence in.

Margit: Put these foolish ambitions to rest!

Gudako: ArRrrRGhHh!!!

This confidence was quickly shattered as Gudako met Margit blow for blow with a massive greatsword she found. She swung it with an impossible amount of speed and force, being able to compete with the dual wielding Margit handily. It was less of a sword however, and more like a raw heap of iron, being massive, heavy, and far too rough. This clash of blades continued until the much more fragile sword of light had shattered, leaving Margit on the defensive. 

Now weakened and exhausted, Gudako managed to also cleave one of Margit's arms clean off with a powerful  swing. Taking advantage of her shot at victory right in front of her, she blocked the retaliating swing from Margit's staff with the flat of the greatsword's blade. Now that she had stopped his attack, she pushed and knocked the staff away with great force, staggering Margit and leaving him completely open to a finishing blow.

*Stab*

That finishing blow was dealt, the massive sword stuck right through the heart of Margit. As if to make sure that was enough, Gudako also stabbed in a couple more spears and swords. Finally, Margit collapsed onto the floor, fading into golden dust that floated away in the wind. Not before leaving his dying words however, that is, if they are dying words.

Margit: I shall remember thee, Tarnished. Smoldering with thy meagre flame. Cower in fear... of the night...

After these words were said, the armor also faded off into nothingness from Gudako, and she collapsed onto the floor in exhaustion in a pile of spaghetti limbs and overworked muscles.

-----

Gudako P.O.V

Ughh... I'm all burnt out. This unexpected dungeon trip and boss fight is really tiring, but at least I got the cool class card from the gacha. 

Gacha?

Hmm, yes, the gacha.

The gacha that is about to give me a free guaranteed servant! System! System! Gimme my gacha roll now please?

[ Gacha initiated. ]

[ Special Gacha type detected. ]

[ Processing... ]

[ Added modifier successfully. ]

[ Processing... ]

[ Congratulations! You've won a servant! ]

[ Revealing... ]

[ Error?! Multiple servants won? How- ]

[ Override detected. ]

[ Message sent. ]

[ Processing... ]

[ Opening message: Heya there, it's me, your favorite God. Actually you don't know me, but I should be your favorite. Anyways, as thanks for giving me that beautiful sight and confession earlier, I decided to toss in a little bonus, hope you have fun because girls are the best~ ]

[ Message end. ]

[ Revealing... ]

[ Congratulations! You've- ]

???: Oi! Shitty system or whatever, you're really pissin' me off here! I can do my own damn introductions just fine! What are you, my dad or somethin'?! Anyways... heya there my new Master!

???2: May I know whose heads you wish to be cut off, Master? Perhaps it may be the head of this incessantly loud person next to me? May I have their head?

Gudako: Absolutely! Wait! No! No!

???2: Aww...

???: Hah! Take that ya underdressed prick!

???2: Says the dumb delinquent!

???: Oh yeah?! Says the head and brother obsessed shortie!

???2: Really?! That's rich coming from the tomboy traitor!

???/???2: You!!!

I can already foresee a headache on the horizon... 

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