5. Transition

Kara howled in pain.  She thought she’d escaped this, but apparently, the time had just been delayed by earth’s yellow sun and the fact that she aged more slowly here.  While most Kryptonians presented by age fifteen at the latest, Kara was now sixteen-and-a-half years old, going through the horrendous growing pains of presenting as an Alpha.  She cried and whined and broke her bed frame into splinters from the agony.

Alex was beside herself.  She wanted to help Kara so badly, but there was nothing she could do.  According to the Kryptonian, all she could do was wait it out and stay back so she wouldn’t accidentally get hurt.  That was easier said than done.  Kara was Alex’s world, and seeing her in pain, when she normally didn’t even register pain, and not being able to touch her was just too much.  

For three days, Alex was forced by her mother to go to school, but after school, she would lay in her own bed, just to be next to Kara somehow, and she couldn’t help but cry with her.  In a way, it was a torturous time for them both.  Not being able to hold Kara when she was crying seemed a cruel twist of fate to Alex.

When Alex and Eliza inquired about what was happening, Kara would only tell Alex, and when Alex was filled in, she refused to tell her mother anything except that Kara just needed space to ‘go through Kryptonian puberty.’  She wouldn't give anymore information after that.

During the night, after the three days were over, Alex felt Kara crawl into bed with her with a soft whimper of her name, “Alex?  Can I sleep with you?” Kara begged.

“Of course, my angel.  Come here.”  Alex pulled Kara into her as tightly as she could manage.  

Kara buried her nose in Alex’s neck.  “Oh, Rao, you smell even better than I remember.”  She started to kiss the skin under her lips, then ran her tongue up the full column of the brunette’s neck, making the girl shiver.  “You taste even better, too.”

“Kara,” Alex breathed heavily.  “Don’t get too carried away.  We still have school tomorrow.”

Kara continued to kiss her neck.  “But you taste so good.”  Her hands started to wander.

The human girl smiled and leaned into the touch.  They had been getting more and more bold with their kisses and touching, especially after Jeremiah died. Alex would constantly seek comfort in Kara’s embrace, and the Kryptonian was all too willing to oblige.  Their lips and tongues found one another until they struggled with breathing.

“I take it you're feeling better?”

Kara nodded, leaning her head against Alex's shoulder.  “Yeah.  No more pain.”  She kissed the girl's clavicle.  “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Angel.”  Alex kissed her temple.  

Kara moved her hand under Alex's shirt.  “Alex... I want you so badly right now.”

“Kara, no.  I-  I know we've done a lot, but I'm not ready to... go there yet.  Especially with my mom right downstairs.  Can you imagine what would happen if we got caught?  She'd send you away for sure!”

Kara’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head.  “Do you really think your mom would send me away if she caught us doing that?”

“I don't know, but I really don't want to take that chance.  Do you?”

The Kryptonian shook her head.  “Definitely not.”  After a while, she spoke again, “It's the whole sister thing, isn't it?”

Alex frowned.  “Yeah.  Plus she'd probably be afraid of me getting pregnant.”

“But we're not even from the same planet.  I don't think it's possible for me to get you pregnant," Kara protested

“Good to know,” the human answered with a smirk.

Kara lifted her head and peered down at her love.  “I wish I could get you pregnant.  Then maybe I could have a family again.”  Her lip trembled as she tried to hold back tears.

Alex pulled her in tightly.  “I would give you all the kids you could handle, if I could.”

Kara couldn't hold back her sobs anymore.  She wept in a way she hadn't in a very long time.  Sure, she'd cried a little from the pain of presenting, but this was different.  She really wanted to marry Alex and have babies together with her.  Instead, they were stuck pretending to be sisters, sneaking around doing things sisters weren't supposed to be doing, and she could forget about children altogether.  This reality check was quite the blow to her lonely little heart.  She sobbed in Alex's arms until she fell asleep.

When morning came, Kara was up and ready to go to school, except for one little problem - a tent in her pants that just wouldn't go down.  She tried to take care of it in the shower, but that didn't help at all.  So when Alex came looking for her, she quickly hid herself under the blankets.

“What are you doing?” the human asked.  “I thought you were going to school today.”

“Um…  I can't.  I- I'm still having problems,” she fumbled through her explanation.

“I thought you said your pain was all gone?” Alex wondered.

“It is…  Um…  Remember how we woke up this morning?”

Alex blushed.  “Oh, uh…  You mean your…  Uh…”  She pointed in the general direction of Kara’s waist.  

Kara blushed too.  “Ye-ah…  It won't go down.”

“Oh.”  Alex bit her lip, at a loss for what to do or say.  “Um…”

“I'm just gonna stay home today, OK?”

The human gulped.  “Right…  I'll just…”  She pointed at the door and backed towards it.

“Are you OK?”  The Kryptonian couldn't smell any fear on her, but she wanted to be sure.

Alex nodded.  “Yeah.  Are you?”

Kara grimaced.  “I'll be OK.  You should go.”

“Yeah.  I'll see you later.”  Alex backed out of the room and closed the door, then came back in.  “I forgot my backpack.”  She grabbed her bag and left again.  “Bye.”

XXXXXXXXXXXX

“Miss Danvers,”  Alex's teacher chided, “Class is in here, not out there.”  He pointed out the window.

She didn't answer, but she turned her head toward the front of the class, so it would seem like she was paying attention.  It wasn't what was outside that she was interested in.  It was what was at home waiting for her that she was obsessing over - Kara and her new...development.  She couldn't stop thinking about it.  She knew what Kara needed, but she wasn't ready to do that quite yet.  She was torn between her sympathy and her insecurity.  On the one hand, she really, really did want to.  In fact, she'd been wanting to for a while now.  But on the other, she was afraid that Kara would be disappointed with her.  She always struggled with feeling not good enough, and this time was no exception.

“Miss Danvers,” the teacher called her again.  “Would you read starting where we left off yesterday?”

Alex didn't even have her book open.  The other students laughed at her, while the teacher frowned.  “Miss Danvers, see me after class, please.”

She sighed and turned to the correct page.  When she was finished, she didn't even remember what she'd read.  She just went back to the war raging inside her.  Then, when the bell rang, she nearly forgot about her teacher's request to stay after class.

“Miss Danvers.”

Alex was getting tired of hearing her name like that.

“How is Kara?”

The girl paused.  She wasn't expecting that.  “Um-  She's, um…  She's still throwing up,” she lied.  Kara’s cover story was that she had the flu.

“You're worried about her.”  It wasn't a question.

“Yeah,” she answered honestly.

“I understand, but I need you to try to pay attention in class.  Kara will be fine, I'm certain.”

“Right.”

“She's lucky to have you looking out for her, Miss Danvers.”

“Thanks,” Alex answered absentmindedly.  “Is that all?”

“Yes, Miss Danvers.  You’re excused.”

The rest of day went by much the same way with Alex being barely able to pay attention to much of anything.  By the end of school, she had worked herself into quite a tizzy.

“What's wrong?!”  Kara asked immediately as soon she walked through door.  “I can smell your stress from a mile away!”

Alex wasn't sure if she'd meant that literally or figuratively.  She wasn't sure she wanted to know.  “Nothing,” she answered too quickly.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” the Kryptonian insisted.

Alex frowned.  “I-  I don't…”  She sighed.  “I don't know how to talk about this stuff!  It's awkward… and embarrassing!”

“Is this about my presenting ?”

“No!  Maybe.  Sort of.  Not exactly.  Mostly not.  It's complicated.”

Kara patted the space next to her in the bed.  She was covered by her blankets, and she had her pillow in her lap.

Alex hesitated.  “Are you still…” she indicated the pillow, “You know.”

Kara grimaced.  “Yes…  But that doesn't mean we can't still talk about whatever is bothering you, Alex.  Come on.”  She patted the bed again.  “Don't shut me out.  We're supposed to be a team.”

This made Alex tear up a little, but she clenched her teeth to hold it back.  It took her a few breaths to get the words going, but she was determined to solve this problem once and for all, now that Kara was looking her with those damn puppy eyes.  “It's just that…  I don't know.  I was thinking about…  the possibility of us... going all the way, but... I'm- I'm afraid.”

Kara blanched.  “Alex, you do not have to do that.  I would never make you do that if you didn't want to.  Never, ever. I swear to Rao I would never do that to you.”

Alex held her hands up to soothe the Kryptonian.  “No, Kara, that's not what I'm afraid of.  I know you'd never force me.  That's not even an issue.”

Kara looked greatly relieved.  “Oh, OK.  That's good, I guess.  Sooo…”  She waited with bated breath.

Alex took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “I'm afraid…  that one of these days you're gonna realize that…  I'm not good enough - just like my mom - and I couldn't live with the rejection… especially if I gave myself to you.”

Kara’s lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears.  “Alexandra Elaine Danvers,” she spoke slowly, “Don't you know that you're my whole reason for living?  Don't you know that you're the only reason I feel at home in this strange world?  Don't you know that I love you so much it hurts?  How could you think I could give up my own heart and soul?  I love you beyond description.  I could never give you up.  You are, and always will be, good enough - no - more than good enough.  No one else even compares to you.  We belong together.  I will never reject you.”

The girls wept in each other's arms for a while, neither willing to break their embrace, even after their tears had subsided.  Eventually, the kissing started, but Kara pulled away after a minute.  “I-  I can't do this right now.”

“Oh," Alex frowned.

“Sorry,” Kara whispered.  “It's too har-  I mean...difficult...right now with you kissing me like that.”

Alex bit her lip. “Sorry.”

“Could you maybe… do your homework downstairs today?  Just smelling you in the same room with me right now is making it hard-  I mean difficult!  Difficult.  It's really difficult for me.”

The human pouted.  “Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” Kara assured.  “I just need to... get through this… transition, that's all!”

Alex wasn't convinced, but she nodded in acquiescence all the same.  She stood up and grabbed her backpack.

“I love you, Alex.”  She could hear the desperation in the Kryptonian’s voice.

“Love you too,” She mumbled without looking at her on the way out of the bedroom.  She couldn't deny that her feelings were a little hurt, even though she believed Kara couldn't help it.  It just hurt when she couldn't be near her sweet angel.  After school was their time for cuddles and kisses, and after four days, Alex was really missing that.  Kara might be sending her away for a legitimate reason, but it still felt a little like rejection.  She tried not to cry, but as soon as she made it downstairs, she couldn't stop.  Of course, her super-powered Kryptonian heard the first little sob she let out and was by her side in the literal blink of an eye.

“No, no, baby girl, no.”  As the blonde fussed over her, she wondered where Kara had heard that pet name.  It wasn't one that Alex used on her.  Must be all those boy bands.  “I'm sorry!  I'm messing everything up aren't I?  I'm sorry, Alex! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.”

“Shh, Angel, shh.  It's OK.”  She tried to ignore the fact that Kara’s pants weren't exactly laying flat as they held one another.  This was yet another failed attempt to control her emotions as that familiar burn started in her belly, and with Kara’s words of affirmation in her head this time, it was stronger than ever.

Kara must have sensed the change in her -probably smelled her, most likely - because her whole demeanor changed.  She stood taller, and her eyes darkened, and the next thing she said was, “Come back upstairs with me.  I promise I will never regret loving you.”  

They had a bit of a stare-down as Kara silently challenged the last of Alex's fears.

After a few long moments, with Kara pressed against her, looking at her that way, Alex finally let her anxiety be overcome by her desire.  “OK.”

Kara grinned, took her hand, and led her upstairs into the bedroom.  Alex locked the door behind them. Her mother wouldn't be home for hours, and Kara had X-ray vision, but she still couldn't be to careful.