House Rules #281

Infinity Island

Inside the throne room

Agent Bundy couldn't help but frown as he entered the throne room, followed by tens of soldiers and the three mercenaries. He expected to encounter resistance but found the room empty, much to his surprise.

He scanned the area and instantly noticed Ras Al-Ghul lying on the floor, bruised and barely breathing, before the stone throne occupied by Grayson, who was casually fiddling with his phone.

"I see you've already made yourself comfortable..." The agent said as he cleared his throat to get Grayson's attention. "Your handy work, I presume...?" He asked as he turned to the demon head.

"I doubt anyone would be comfortable resting their ass on a literal stone slab... I prefer the comfort of my couch..." Grayson said with a smile as he put away his phone and stood up.

"And if you're referring to that piece of shit on the floor, yes, it was my doing... actually forget that, it came out wrong," He added, scratching his head as he stepped over Ras Al-Ghul, much to the agent's amusement.

"Anyway, he's your responsibility now, and I have three former criminals I need to integrate back into society," Grayson said, sighing as he approached the three mercenaries, doing his absolute best to ignore Harley as she franticly waved at him.

"I'll see you at the press conference," He concluded as he stooped in front of Harley and the others, promptly disappearing with a loud boom and blinding flash of blue light.

"This is why nobody likes working with heroes..." Agent Bundy said as he watched the four people disappear before turning to the demon head. "He should have been dead..." He added with a wince as he turned away from Ras Al-Ghul and began barking orders at his subordinates.

...

Gray's hideout

"Welcome to my humble home," I said as we appeared in my hideout, having teleported everyone here from the throne room. "I bought a building some time ago where you can stay until you find a place of your own..." I added as I plopped into the couch.

"The renovation will take a couple more days, so feel free to stay here until then..." I added, freezing as I heard some noise from my kitchen and realized Martian Manhunter was likely still in my hideout.

Sure enough, he seemed to have heard me talking and entered my living room to greet me, much to everyone's surprise, as they froze when they noticed the green alien approaching with Little Soot following behind him.

"Hello, Gray... I see you have company..." Martian Manhunter said as he alternated his gaze between the three petrified mercenaries. "I hope I'm not intruding...?" He added, his gaze settling on me.

"Not at all," I replied with a shrug. "These guys will be staying here for a couple of days until their new homes are ready," I went on as I got off the couch and picked up the little feline, who resisted for a second, only to settle into my arms when I offered him a treat.

"I don't think anyone here needs an introduction, so I'll skip it and introduce this little guy instead..." I said as I raised Little Soot for the three mercenaries to see.

"This is my cat, Little Soot, fuck with him, and I'll kill you..." I blankly stated before putting the little feline down. "Also, don't fuck with my workspace, and leave the magical artifacts alone," I added as I cleared my throat as pointed towards the many objects adorning the hideout's shelves.

"They might look like decorations, but they could literally kill you," I went on with a shrug. "Abide by these three rules, and we'll get along just fine for the next couple days," I concluded.

"Sounds good to me. You got a shower in here somewhere...?" Lady Vic said with a nod as she began roaming around the hideout without even waiting for a reply, likely trying to avoid Martian Manhunter.

"Hey! Wait up! I need a shower too!" Harley said as she immediately followed behind Lady Vic, leaving Deadshot alone as he awkwardly alternated his gaze between the green alien and me.

"I remember you saying something about having a shooting range here, kid...?" The mercenary calmly asked after a brief pause, to which I nodded, pointing him in its direction.

"That went better than expected..." Martian Manhunter said with a slight smile as he watched the mercenary leave. "It's not the worst first impression I left on somebody..." He added, shaking his head.

"Well, I don't think they'd be comfortable around heroes anytime soon, especially you, what with their career of choice..." I said with a chuckle as I sat down. "Especially you, considering you can crush them with your mind from a mile away," I concluded.

"I understand..." Martian Manhunter said, maintaining his smile. "I'm only happy they had a chance to change their ways. You did a good thing, even if others might tell you otherwise," He added as he sat beside me.

"So... you and Kara...? How is that going...?" The green alien said, his smile ever so slightly widening.

...

Several days later

"Hey! For the millionth time, don't touch the artifacts!" I exclaimed and turned to Harley, stopping my work as I noticed her slowly inching toward one of the most dangerous I retrieved from Faust's lairs.

I knew she wouldn't touch it as she did out of sheer boredom after being cooped up in my hideout for several days, but I still humored her so that she doesn't go crazy, well, crazier.

Lady Vic and Deadshot were content to spend their time in the shooting range and training area most of the day without bothering me, but Harley being Harley, she had to be the most troublesome out of the trio.

She kept trying to annoy and tease me with all sorts of antics, but it was bound to happen after all the time she spent in prison, so I let her be since she didn't go too far.

What's most surprising about the past couple of days was how well Deadshot got along with Little Soot, as the little critter wanted nothing to do with Harley and Lady Vic but seemed to like the mercenary for some reason.

All in all, having people stay with me wasn't all bad. Harley's non-stop antics and Lady Vic's tee addiction aside, that is. Still, today was the last day of their stay, as the construction company had already finished the renovations.

I was ready to send them away to their new homes, resume my anti-social ways and dive back into my work, but I had to tie a few loose ends before that.

Ras Al-Ghul had been publicly trialed and sentenced to life in prison, meaning I had a press conference to attend, but more importantly, it was time to put the demon head down.

He was too dangerous, with his centuries of accumulated knowledge, experience, connections, and whatnot. I couldn't leave him to his devices, knowing full well he'd break out and plot my demise five minutes after spending five minutes in jail.

The only reason I didn't kill him back on the island was to prove that I could get shit done while keeping Harley and the others' violent tendencies in check to the public.

Sure, they murdered many people during the operation, but the main target was Ras Al-Ghul. We brought him in alive and in one piece, and no one would care about anything beyond that.

Now that the demon head had been trialed and sentenced the right way, he outlived his right to exist. I planned to call Deathstroke and have him terminate Ras Al-Ghul's now-revoked privilege to breathe since I'm too lazy to break into whatever shit hole they'd throw him into and call it a day.

Naturally, I wasn't dumb enough to assume a simple bullet to the brain would be enough to end Ras Al-Ghul since he came back from death more than even the most extreme DC nerd cared to count.

I had already used the Starheat ring to scan the entire planet and locate every Lazarus Pit on Earth, which I'll be wiping out of existence right after the press conference.

"Come on. The press conference is about to start soon..." I said as I quickly checked the time and dropped my tools with a sigh. "Be ready to leave in thirty minutes," I added as I headed straight to my couch and sat down to wait.

"Try not to act too crazy, will you...?"