The Journal

I can't sleep.

Something is bothering me and I can't figure it out. Napabuntong hininga ako bago ako umupo sa kama. I tried to close my eyes to clear my mind but nothing was happening. Hinanap ng mata ko si Walter at Victor. We are sleeping in the same room and there's only one man who's not here with us. I frowned my brows before I composed myself to stand.

The door is creaked open. Did he sneak out? In the middle of the night? Where would he go through? I took my dad's sweater to my bedside and wore it before I walked out of the room. The lights in the hallway are dim. Where would he be? I cross my arms bago ako bumaba sa hagdanan at hanapin si Victor.

"You almost inform her the truth, " My eyes turn to the side where I heard a feminine voice. "I didn't mean to. Hindi ko ba pwedeng sabihin ang totoo?" May halong pagtataka sa boses nito. "Binilin nila na huwag sabihin ang totoo. Hindi mo ba 'yon naaalala?" It's Auntie Diane and Uncle Rico's voice.

"Naalala ko, pero akala ko ay pwede ko nang sabihin ang lahat. 19 years old na s'ya. May karapan na siyang malaman ang totoo." They are talking in the guest room and they look so serious. I lean my ear close to the door to hear their conversation audibly.

"Hindi, Hindi pwede. Masyadong delikado." Sagot ni Auntie Diane. "Malalaman at malalaman niya ang totoo. Alam natin 'Yun." Napabuntong hininga si Auntie Diane sa sagot ni Uncle Rico.

"Basta. Wag muna ngayon." My hands slip the table I am leaning which causes a clatter.

Nanlaki ang dalawang mata ko when someone pulled me into the dark part of the living room and covered my mouth. I gasped and blinked when I caught sight of Auntie Diane and Uncle Rico rushed out from the guest room. They are searching the area with the use of their wands. The male pulled me close enough that I can't any longer spy the two.

--

I woke up late as usual. After I heard the confusing conversation last night, It bothers me more. Whom are they hiding too? Did they know something we don't? Whatever that is. I need to figure it out. "Hazel! Lalabas kami! Sasama ka?" Tanong ni Walter sa akin. May dala-dala siyang bola. Mukhang maglalaro sila ng basketball.

"I don't know how to play basketball. I'll stay here." Nakangiting sagot ko sa Kanya. My eyes landed on Victor. He's the one who pulled me out from the scene last night and I somehow feel touched that he was quick enough to get me out there. "Sige! Tara na!" Ngumuso si Walter sa akin bago sila nagtakbuhan palabas.

Umupo ako sa kama at kinuha ang notebook. Even though natabunan na ang The Golden Scheme thief, kailangan ko pa ring malaman at matuklasan kung ano ang laman ng notebook na ito. What secret are you keeping, Axl Ancient? Did you deserve the punishment you receive on the trial?

Bumaba ako sa kusina at nakita ko si Auntie Diane na nagluluto. I heard their confidential conversation last night, yes. But I still trust this woman. After all, the secret they are keeping from me nor us will keep us distant from harm. Knowing that she's been with my parents for a long time, I should trust her and Uncle Rico. My parents did, so should I.

"Auntie, Good morning." Nakangiting bati ko. "Good morning~ Nakatulog ka ba ng maayos?" Tanong ni Auntie sa akin habang naghahalo ng gulay sa kalan. "Oo, po. May gusto lang po sana akong itanong?"

"Ano naman 'Yun?" She asked after tasting her dish. "May plastic po ba kayo? Yung bag po na plastic? Basta yon!" Natatawa kong Sabi. "Ay! oo, meron! Ito oh! Aanhin mo ba 'to? Magbabanyo ka? May banyo naman dito?" I make face after I heard her response and hastily shake my head. "Hindi po. May pag-gagamitan lang." Kumuha ng isang plastic bag si Auntie Diane atsaka ito ibinigay sa akin.

I say thank you before I go back upstairs to the room. Isinara ko ang pinto ng kwarto at umupo pabalik sa kama. I place the plastic bag on the bed and so does the notebook. Placing my hands on my waist. I am trying to figure out what to do. Bakit nga ulit ako kumuha ng plastic?

Ah! Tama!

Umupo ako sa sahig at kinuha ang plastic. I took a deep breath and placed the entrance of the plastic bag inside my mouth and breathed there for a long time. The more breath I store, the more hidden pages appear. After I store my breath in the plastic. I closed it and tied it tightly. I just hope for one thing right now. I hope this madness results in something I hoped to see.

Ginamit ko ang kuko ko upang buksan ng kaunti ang plastic atsaka ito itinapat sa libro. I hold the plastic tightly. The more air the more pages. I waited for how many seconds and nothing happens. Mukhang malabo ata itong ginagawa ko. Wala na rin akong maisip na paraan para dito kundi ang huminga sa notebook-

Napakurap ang aking dalawang mata ng may mga letrang lumabas sa notebook.

Personal Property of Axl Ancient.

Kung pwede lang akong tumalon sa tuwa ngayon ay baka ginawa ko na. Pagkalipas ng ilang minuto, Hindi pa rin nabubura ang nakasulat sa notebook. "Yes!" I scream attentively before I pursue my technique. I bit my tongue while I am squeezing the plastic bag.

Marami nang letra ang lumalabas at kusa itong gumagalaw para mag pahiwatig ng mensahe. I love magic. Mas lalo kong minahal ang mahika dahil sa mga nakikita ng dalawang mata ko ngayon. Nakatingin lang ako sa kwadernong nasa harap ko at sinabayan ito ng ihip. Hoping that it'll help.

Pagkatapos ng ilang minutong pag-buga ng hangin sa front page, naaninag ko na ang mukha ni Axl. Ang batang, Axl sa notebook. He is smiling ear to ear while he's holding a cat. Such a cutie. Tumigil muna ako sa paghinga atsaka binasa ang mga nakasulat sa kwaderno.

Journal Starts: December 31, 2014

Journal Ends: Trana 32, 2015

I frowned. December 2014, to Trana 2015? So this journal was written for only one month? I flip the notebook to another page and since it's empty, I take a deep breath and squeeze the plastic from the top to down. Naghintay ako ng ilang minuto at napangiti nang mag labasan ang mga letters and just like what happened to the front page. The circus of words turns into a complete sentence for a journal. I can't help myself but trace my forefinger on the date.

December 31, 2014. He stated there how he felt on his birthday and he's happy after receiving the gift from his mother. The Golden Scheme. As a typical young boy, he sounded so happy on his first entry. But on the second entry. I can't help but frown.

Dear Future Me,

I hope you are examining this, Shaking your head, wishing you could go back in time to tell me that everything is going to be more than alright. I assume that when you look back to this point in your life that you know it was worth all this fear to get to a place of true happiness. I hope that you wake up each morning moved and happy to be alive. I hope you've attained a way to spend your days that brings you pleasure, joy, pride. I hope you express your dark days I'm striving to get through now as a learning adventure far behind you.

I hope there is stability in your life. And that you're taking care of yourself. I hope you are a pivot light to others that inspires them to be joờous, present, and to exist, fully. I can not wait to meet you.

Writing, 15 years old Axl.

Hindi ko mapigilang Hindi mapa-iyak sa isinulat ng isang Axl Ancient. Kung isiping mabuti, isa lamang siyang inosenteng bata na walang alam sa mundo. Maski ang maling pagmamahalan ng mga magulang niya. He is innocent as an Angel. Pero bakit, bakit nila ito ginawa sa kanya?

After wiping my tears, I flip the page to read another entry. I composed myself below. I blew the page and again, the page filled with a ramble of words.

The Master of Equanimity, Victor Rough.

Victor? The master of Equanimity? I was reading the entry when I overheard footsteps coming from the hallway. Kaagad kong isinara ang kwaderno at ibinalik ito sa bag ko. I took my wand only to keep myself entertained. "Equanimity... Victor Rough." I whispered to myself.

"HAZEL! KAKAIN NA! HALIKA NAA!" Napa-angat ako ng tingin nang marinig ko si Walter atsaka ngumiti ng malapad. "Okay," I replied chuckling. He left the room so I put my wand in my pocket before I followed him downstairs. Mayhem greeted me with her wide smile and so I reply like it. Umupo ako sa tabi ni Victor.

Nakalutang sa hangin ang mga pagkain namin at kusa itong umiikot. Napa-atras pa ako sa upuan ko dahil isang grupo ng earthshaker ang pumasok sa loob at may dala-dalang mga plato at inilatag ito sa harapan namin. Tumingin ako kay Victor pero tumawa lang siya.

"Kumain na tayo!" Nakangiting bati ni Auntie Diane. Nagsimula na kaming kumain. Syempre, dahil bisita ako ay kailangan kong panatilihin ang posture ko kapag kumakain. Mayhem is so girlie habang ang kapatid niya ay halos walang-bukas kung kumain. Napa-iling nalang si Uncle Rico at tinampal ang mga balikat ni Walter.

The dining room was filled with laughter and genuine smiles. They talked about a lot of stuff. I didn't feel out of place at all because they are talking about Victor's Mother, Mighty Rough. The attentive Victor was answering their questions happily. According to him, His mom is sending a bunch of letters every week to check up on him. I smiled before feeding myself with a spoonful of soup.

Auntie Diane also tackled about visiting her late friend, Ian Rough. In which I conclude, Victor's Father. "We are planning to fly to Parallel Tomorrow with you guys." She said, I blink my eyes and wipe the corner of my lip with the table napkin and smile. "Talaga, mama!? Pero bakit?" Tanong ni Walter.

"We wanted to pay a visit to Ian. Gusto mo bang sumama, Victor?" Napatingin ako kay Victor. He smiled but his eyes didn't. Eyes don't lie. "Hindi po. I am going to concentrate on manipulating my group." He replied with a smile. He goes back on his eating etiquette. He looks so calm right now. 'The Master of Equanimity, Victor Rough.' I suddenly think of the entry Axl Ancient made. What does that really intend?

After that, we had our breakfast-lunch. Uncle Rico told us to come with him on his humble farm to feed his Earthshaker and Tusk, and since we had nothing left to do, we agreed. "Uhm Victor?" I called him out suddenly.

Huminto siya sa paglalakad atsaka tumingin sa gawi ko. Uncle Rico and Walter headed first. Mukhang alam nilang may seryosong usapang mangyayari ngayon. May gusto lang naman akong itanong kay Victor. Mga tanong na bumabagabag sa isipan ko. "Bakit?" Tanong nito.

Huminga ako ng malalim at tumingin sa gawi nila Uncle Rico. Nang malayo-layo na sila ay tsaka na ako tumingin kay, Victor. "I just want to ask a confidential question." Mukhang iniiexpect na ni Victor ang tanong ko na iyon kaya ngumiti siya sa akin. "Ian Rough is my great father. Hunters took his life away. It was one evening, a raining evening...."

"You don't have to tell me the exact story, Victor. I didn't mean to ask this question to you. I'm sorry."

"A heavy rain. It stops so as the time. 13 pm. The news hovers our village. As the news goes like this 'Breaking news. The great, Ian Rough attacked by a hunter and got killed at exactly 12 in the afternoon.' It has torn me apart. The pain got served each year. Every death anniversary." I saw his hands turning into fists. Lumapit ako sa kanya and gave him a tight hug. He refused it at first pero mas pinili kong magmatigas at hindi bumuwag sa pagka kayakap sa kanya, until he himself gives up on refusing.

"I will kill them..... for taking my father. For killing him severely. I will kill the one who kills my father. I will kill all the hunters who dare to cross my world." Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng boses ni Victor. The calmness earlier just vanished and turned into a deranged one. "I'm sorry... I'm really sorry."

"If it's not because of Walter's family. I would've lost myself. " He eagerly said. "I will make them pay for what they've done."

--

After I heard the back story of Victor's father. He told me that I shouldn't be sorry. Sabay kaming naglalakad papunta sa farm. I tried my best to lift up the mood when we're together. He smiled for a moment then after that he'll be serious again. Napa-isip tuloy ako...

Should it be sufficient if I tell him that his name was written in the notebook? But I don't have the full content though. Wala pa akong nakukuhang sagot Kung bakit 'yon ang naging title ng entry ni Axl. Nauna na siyang maglakad sa akin while I was left behind. I don't know how to address him again. When we reached the farm, he handed me a glove and mask. I even blink my eyes for the purposes of these.

Napabuntong hininga nalang ako atsaka isinuot ng walang tanong tanong ang mask at the glove. I followed him to the farm at nakita ko si Walter with his dad, feeding the earthshaker and tusk. I swallowed the lump on my throat when they glance at us. "Mabuti naman at nandito na kayo!" Nakangiting bati ni Walter.

"We just talked about confidential stuff." Ang buong akala ko ay hindi niya ipagkakalat ang usapan namin pero mali ako. He just mentions Walter and Uncle Rico that I confronted him about his late father. I somehow feel small. I thought he'll be keeping them a secret. I am not mad at him and such, I am just disappointed. Maybe because I thought he'll keep our conversation a secret. Tumingin sa akin si Uncle Rico at Walter and they both shook their heads as if I disappointed them.

I smiled a bit before I took an unrecognizable vegetable and gave it to Walter. I can't say anything at this moment. Parang umurong ang dila ko para tanungin sila kung ano ang pangalan nitong gulay na hawak-hawak ko. Inuutusan nila ako and I oblique. They asked me to fetch water in the well, few meters away from the farm. As a good woman, I said yes.

Dala-dala ko ang kanilang timba habang naglalakad ako papalayo sa kanila. They are talking about me. I can clearly hear their gossip. It feels awkward by the way. Uncle Rico shared with them what we talked about yesterday in the living room. I feel bad. I didn't tell them the whole story though but I hope they'll understand why I keep other stories confidential.

Napatingin ako sa malamin na balon na nasa harapan ko. It is deep but the water is my reach.

I bend down to fetch water and as soon as the basin filled up. Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang hawakan nito at naglakad pabalik sa farm. Nag-uusap pa rin sila at mukhang seryoso na ang usapan nila.

I hid in the bush and gulped. "I haven't read what's inside the diary. But I know there's an entry there about Emerita. Do you think we can solve her dilemma?" I frowned when I heard Victor's voice. "Hindi ko Alam, pero baka. Malaking bagay din na hawak ni Hazel ang notebook ni Axl. Baka siya lang ang makakatuklas nun."

"I am still not sure about this idea. You don't know how occupied Hazel is right now. If you can solve this circumstance, leave it yourself. Don't Include, Hazel." Why am I hearing my name all of a sudden? "I can't assure you that, Tito. Rick trusted the notebook to her and it's only her breath that reflects and digests the notebook. Ours can't be registered."

"How's that possible?" Tanong ni Uncle Rico. "I have no idea. Last night, I tried to cast a spell for the empty pages but nothing happened. It's still blank. I know Axl tightened the security of his journal even from us. But exactly like us, he is also doubting, Emerita. He might have written his conclusions there." Victor said.

"Kung ganon. Ano ang dapat nating gawin? Wala rin namang kwenta kung nanakawin natin ang journal kay, Hazel kasi, Hindi naman nakaregistered ang mga hininga natin doon." Walter asked. I peek a look from the bush to see their expression. Si Walter ay nagkakamot sa batok niya habang si Victor ay nag-iisip, Si uncle rico naman ay nagpapakain ng mga alaga niya.

"I can't think of any right now. I am still bothered by the way she looks at me and when she asked me the most confidential question on our way here." Victor said. "Her eyes and facial expression can't lie, obviously. I think she's keeping something from us." I swallowed the lump on my throat. "You suddenly suspected her huh?" Natatawang tanong ni Uncle Rico sa Kanya.

Victor shook his head confidently. "I trust, Hazel." They all nodded. "But I need to know, what she knows." He added. "Either it has something to do with me or any of us." Surprisingly he didn't spill out what we overheard last night. Should I be thankful?

"I see. " Uncle Rico replied. I carefully lifted the pales again and went back to the well before I went closer to them. When Walter saw me struggling with handling the pales, he took the other one in my left hand and carried it to his dad. Victor throws a glance at me before looking away. Psh.

I wipe the bottle of sweet on my forehead until we finished feeding their earthshaker and tusk. Sabay-sabay na kaming umalis. Only Walter and his dad carry the atmosphere. Kung kaming dalawa lang ni Victor ay malamang sa malamang may tatlong tuldok na lilitaw sa gitna namin. Cause it'll be covered with awkward silence. Kung sana'y, Hindi ko nalang tinanong Yun kanina. Umiiral na naman kasi ang kuryosidad ko. Nakakapanira.

Nang makarating kami sa kanilang bahay, sinalubong kami ni Mayhem. Instead of rushing to his brother, she rushed to me instead and grab my arm. Wala naman na akong magawa kundi ang sumunod nalang sa, Kanya. "I need to tell you something." bulong nito sa akin at tumakbo. Napatingin ako sa gawi nila Walter and curiosity has drawn on their faces. Most especially, Victor.

"What is it?" I asked after I recovered from the scene. "Something important." She replied. We headed to their farm. I thought we'd stop there but we didn't, we headed straight to where the deep well was located. I frowned when he fished out her wand and I felt completely dizzy after it.

"You need this." The last words I heard from her before she forced me to fall to the deep well.

I can't scream. I can't move my body. I catch a breath before I fall to the water with my eyes open. I saw the worries in Mayhem's eyes before she turned her back from me.

"Victor, Victor! Seriously, why are we here? I need to meet, Axl pa" My eyes widened when I heard a voice. I blinked my eyes when I reached the bottom part of the well and this is different. I know this well is deep but... why am I hearing conversations? The water was clear and I saw two- no three figures. Nag-uusap sila sa bukana ng balon.

I wanted to move my body to swim back to the surface but I can't move my body! "Tell me the truth, Emerita." I stopped shaking my body when I heard the name. Emerita. The young Victor held Emerita's shoulder. I can't see her face but heaven knows how I badly want to see her face.

Good thing, I can hold my breath longer underwater. "W-what truth are you talking about?" She asked back in defense. "Why are you close to Winston? You know he's a bad man. He killed a lot of wizards just to benefit himself and fame." Shivers ran down my spine when I heard the forbidden name.

"W-what are you saying!" The young, Emerita said.

"You know I'm not kidding, Emerita! We've been friends for so long. And you're seeing that man every hour! I caught you talking to him earlier! Do you want to put yourself in danger?" The young, Victor stated. I tried my very best not to close my eyes. I've been keeping my breath for minutes already!

"Maybe you are just dreaming. Maybe it's not me! My God, Victor. Aren't you the master of equanimity? Why are you sounding mad now?" The latter said. "You know I am not lying. I won't confront you if I am not sure of what I just saw almost every year. Can't you see? I'm worried about you hanging out beside a dangerous man!" And I heard once again. Victor is the master of equanimity, the master of composure and calmness.

"Nakita rin kita kahapon na kausap siya." Walter cut out. With the clear water on the surface, I can see the doubt that Victor and Walter flash on their face. "What are you guys saying ba!" She exclaimed in anger. Ang masasabi ko lang ay para siyang anghel. Ang kaso nga lang ay nakatalikod ito sa akin.

Naalala ko ang picture niya na nasa dingding ng Jamora Residence. It really could be her. They have the same body figures. "Akala ko ba you guys trust me!" She stomps her feet, turning her hands into fists. What happened next turns my eyes wide.

A man appears in the back of Victor and Walter. I wanted to warn them but I couldn't. I am still underwater. The man fished out his wand and pointed it to the two of them, excluding Emerita. He is faceless thus he is wearing a coat with a cap. Head down. I tried to move my body to free myself from the spell that Mayhem used on me.

The moment I tilt my head, Walter and Victor are not there anymore. Where... "Who are you?" I gasped when the faceless man with the angelic Emerita turned in my direction. For a second, I can feel my chest pounding hardly.

"A mharú!" The faceless man pointed his wand in my direction. I closed my eyes to prepare myself for my unwilling death but someone pulled me out from the water. When I reached the surface, I hurriedly caught my breath and clutched my chest.

"HAZEL!!!"

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO, MAYHEM!" Victor cornered Mayhem while I am panting, grasping my breath, coughing.

"I'm sorry..." Sagot ni Mayhem.

"Hazel. Okay, ka lang?"

--

Long trail, trains, loud cheers. Long silence hovers our cubicle. I am just watching the mountains and trees that our train passed by. Walter and Victor are on the other hand playing a jigsaw puzzle on the table that was in our cubicle. I can't forget what I just witnessed.

After I gasped my breath, Mayhem turned her face to me before she ran to me and held my shoulder. Her eyes are asking me if I am fine and when I nodded she smiled. I think she analyzes what that nod means. It just sinks into what she did to me though. She can't say what happened that day verbally so she made a way so I can witness it myself.

Victor took off his blazer and wrapped it around my back before Walter volunteered to give me a lift. I was shaking when we arrived at the Jamora Residence and Auntie Diane also volunteered to prepare a hot coffee for me. Victor apologizes for his improper behavior towards me and who am I to not accept his apology though?

He also added that he is just not comfortable to talk about the reason for his father's death in which I fully understand. Even myself though, It'll be awkward to tackle my father's death, now that I surmise that Emerita is somehow attached to the person who killed my parents. I wanted to ask him about what happened at that moment but no, I shouldn't.

First of all, though, We just apologize to each other. Second, they seem to have forgotten that scene. Who am I to interfere with it?

Now back to the current time, Walter asked me out If I am willing to join them working on the jigsaw puzzle of Harry Potter. I smiled and shook my head. I blink my eyes and look for my bag. "Anong hinahanap mo, Hazel?" Tanong ni Walter sa akin. "Yung bag ko, nasaan?"

"Ah! Ito! Bakit?" Ibinigay ni Walter sa akin ang bag ko. Kinuha ko kaagad ito atsaka nilagay sa hita ko. The last time I place the notebook is on the pouch of my bag and now, it's on the other pouch. I clearly remember which pouch I place in the notebook.

Hinawakan ko ang notebook atsaka binuksan ito. I blow on the blank page but nothing appears. I frowned. "Bakit, Hazel?" I raised my eyes to Victor and hurriedly sat beside me. "Nothing appears when I blow the blank page. Look!" I took a breath and blew on the notebook again.

"See? It's still empty-- Mari? Who is Mari?" I asked when there's only one word that appears on the page where the entry about Victor appears earlier. Who is Mari?