The Trolling of Severus Snape
Snape was not having a good year. Well, he rarely has a good day, let alone year, but this year especially has just been extra bad.
First, he lost the ability to read Potters mind. He never could figure out why though since he wasn't using any Occlumency technique that he knew of. Instead reading his mind just lead to strange images of a red haired guy dancing.
Second, the Headmaster kept disappearing every week talking about conducting "research". Though he refuses to tell any of the staff what said research is. Because of this he and the other staff had been working overtime, and that wasn't good for Snape's mood.
Third, around the start of November, all of his things started disappearing and everything he did started going wrong! Literally everything! He had tried to give Longbottom a D on his potions essay, only for him to somehow end up writing EE. When he tried to take the essay back from the brat the next day, one of his Slytherins ended up chucking something down his throat when he was trying to prank the Gryffindor's. Snape wasn't allowed to leave the hospital wing for three days.
And now, that Longbottom brat had changed completely and the Headmaster refused to do anything about it! Snape was literally thrown through a wall by the little shit when he tried to show the brat his place. (He means he tried to get the high ground on Lord Neville by standing on a stool and looking down on him. It didn't go well.) He had to spend a WEEK in the hospital wing that time! And what did the headmaster have to say to that?
"Well Severus, you do seem to have been quite lazy recently. I believe the boy was just trying to help you get some exercise. Impacts are quite good for building muscle you know? Don't worry, he obviously knows what he's doing. Have you SEEN his body? It's like it was molded by the Greek gods themselves! As if he was carved from a block of marble by-" The Headmaster continued on like that for half an hour.
Severus decided that he had to have been cursed, but for the life of him he could NOT find what it was! He had read and reread through countless books on curses already and hasn't found shit! And what's worse, the curse just seems to be getting stronger as time goes on.
But no matter, Severus vowed to himself that he would find the man or woman responsible for his torture and make them pay. They will feel pain!
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'*Snicker* Fucking idiot!' Crookshanks thought as he ran out of the potions lab with another batch of ingredients held in his mouth. 'He's been losing things for months now and still hasn't put up an animal ward? What, does he think that it's impossible for a student to train their familiar to steal?'
Right now the cat was in the middle of his daily, after-noon activity. Trolling Snape.
For the past three months Crookshanks has tormented the Potions Professor every after-noon. At first it was just simple things. Moving things like his keys and wand to places that he didn't remember putting them, stealing his socks, pissing on his laundry, etc.. You know, relatively harmless things.
But after a few weeks Crookshanks noticed that the man was starting to become more and more grumpy (He couldn't imagine why though. It definitely couldn't have anything to do with his robes smelling like cat piss all the time, right?).
So, the cat decided that to turn it up a notch. But to do that he would need either magic, or some sort of tool. Since he didn't want to teach his preciouses student to prank people (god knows what an OP teenager like Harry would do with that knowledge), and he couldn't do magic himself, he decided that he would settle for finding a tool to help him.
What kind of tool? Well he didn't know. But he looked around anyway, hoping to find something that would be helpful. After a few days of searching the castle, he came across quite the interesting room.
It seemed to only be accessible via apparition, and since only the Headmaster could do that on Hogwarts grounds, it was probably only meant for them to see. To bad there was a small vent built to bring air in that was just Crookshanks size.
The room was pretty small, about five by five meters, with only a pedestal in the middle. What was on this pedestal? Simple,
It was the castle ward stone.
Yeah, the thing that controls all of the magical effects in the castle. The protections, the enchantments, the runes, those moving stairs. Everything inside the castle that ran on magic and wasn't a living thing was under it's control.
And Crookshanks had sole access to it.
The Ward Stone rooms location had never been written down or told to any painting in fear of someone other than the headmaster tampering with them. Unfortunately (or fortunately because, Dumble's) that meant that it's location had to be passed down via word of mouth, and because of this it had been lost centuries ago.
Now, why did this matter? Well, it just so happened that ward stones made back in the day functioned by talking to them, rather than the modern method of infusing intentions into it via the users magic. It also happens that this ward stone was designed to understand any language, a feature built into it to make sure that it wouldn't stop working just because the countries language changed or something like that.
Since nobody had bound themselves to the ward stone in centuries, it would currently bind itself to whoever talked to it next. Apparently the founders failed to think that a cat would somehow bind themselves to their ward stone, so they too never put up animal wards around it.
This meant two things. One, Crookshanks was now technically the actual Headmaster (Though he couldn't do much with that title since he's, you know... a cat.). Two, he could make the wards do whatever he wanted, so long as it was a built in setting of course.
Turns out that there was a setting that would let the headmaster put a light curse on an individual on castle grounds, and it would stay that way until the person either left the castle, or the Headmaster disabled it. It was originally intended to punish students in place of detention, since that would take time away from the teachers as well.
To bad Crookshanks didn't give a fuck and instead abused it to all hell.
Since finding the room, Crookshanks has returned once a week to place or remove curses depending on behavior. People like Crabb and Goyle have been cursed since the cat first found the room. But people like Parvati and Lavender only got curses whenever they spread lies and gossip around.
He did this mostly to properly punish the assholes of the school, since he knows that none of the staff are going to do it (Other than Filch, but what he does qualifies more as torture rather than punishment).
Crookshanks favorite curse though was the "Unintentional Saint" curse. It made it so that any time someone effected by it tried to do something bad, they would instead do something good by accident. The best part was that it increased in strength every time it took effect. So after almost three months of Snape trying and failing to be a bad teacher, the curse had grown to a hilarious level.
He couldn't take points off of other houses anymore for no reason, since he would always end up accidentally saying a Slytherin students name in process. He couldn't fake a student's grades anymore since he would end up getting distracted by something in the process and accidentally write the actual grade. He couldn't even scowl at people properly anymore since he would always end up with something being thrown at his face whenever he tried.
After he placed this curse on Snape, Crookshanks was able to commit full time to other methods of messing with him. Now, instead of just moving things around and stealing socks, he would steal the more expensive things and frame the asshole students for it (though not Malfoy anymore since he seems to have mellowed out quite a bit after the bear incident).
Dick move? Maybe. Was he going to do it anyway? Obviously!
As he ran down the hallway, random potion ingredients still in his mouth, Crookshanks cackled evilly as he thought about where he would put these particular ingredients. Crookshanks was still pretty pissed about the level of Luna's bullying, and that the Ravenclaws had ignored it. They had just sat by and watched as the girl was psychologically (and sometimes physically) tortured. So Crookshanks was going to make sure that they paid for this.
Now he just had to figure out a way into their tower.
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(Alright, I've looked through your suggestions and my own idea's and have narrowed the possible dojo names down to four. I can't decide for the life of me, so instead I'll leave it up to you. Just comment a +1 or something if you like it and whichever one gets the most votes by tomorrow will be the name.
1. Konoha dojo, a suggestion because all of my characters so far have some resemblance to Naruto characters (Crookshanks has a Byakugan of sorts, Harry trains as much as Rock Lee, Neville is prideful like Neji, ect.).
2. Hidden God Dojo, another suggestion, it gives off a bit to many Wuxia vibes for my liking, but it I kept it here since it does still sound cool and fit's with Crookshanks image.
3. Kasha Dojo, one of my own idea's, I looked up varies cat gods on Wikipedia and decided on two that could work. This one in particular refers to a cat demon that's supposed to spy on funerals for a bit before jumping in and eating the corpse.
4. Fukurokuju Dojo, the second cat god (maybe? I'm not sure, the only thing cat related on him are the statues.) I found. It's a bit of a mouth full, but this god is a bit more positive then the last one since he's the god of wisdom and longevity. Seems a bit more in line with the image of Crookshanks that Harry and Neville have built up.
If you have any more suggestions, leave them now. If they are really good I'll probably pick them over these four.
Anyway, I know, another shorter chapter, but again, this was just a character introduction, like the Ginny chapter. I have many more idea's for Snape but adding them here seemed kind of out of place, so I'll save them for later. Also, thanks for reading.)