Ch 35 Epilogue

IMPORTANT NOTE: hi people it's been a long time since I posted any kind of note and I am requesting you help to support me on P_A_T_R_E_O_N. i know it may be too much to ask but as you all know I have not been able to upload for a few months, it's because of my college and that makes it much hard for me to upload new chapters and I really hope to get some support from u guys because it would be really helpful to me and in the P_A_T_R_E_O_N you guys can also vote which novel should I post next or help me in noval editing works and stuff, I will also do my best to upload at least two chapters a day of any novel which i am uploading, so please support me guys thank you guys 🙂.

https://www.patreon.com/Tony_stark_3000?fan_landing=true&view_as=public

This is my P_A_T_R_E_O_N link please support me.thank you guys

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The gargoyle stepped aside with a low thud, it's eyes following them as it let them pass. Even though it was summer, Severus couldn't help but feel a cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck.

"Relax," Lily whispered with a quick hand-squeeze, "it's just Dumbledore."

That's easy for you to say. He didn't say it aloud - she didn't deserve that sort of petty spite - but while Dumbledore had been willing to let him join his 'order of self-sacrificial foolishness', he knew perfectly well that it had been only for Lily's sake.

For all the headmaster's fine airs about tolerance and accepting others, Severus knew perfectly well that that referred to Muggleborns, halfbreeds and werewolves, not Slytherins who had once been perfectly happy to join Lord Voldemort's ranks. He didn't really belong in it.

But then, where had he ever belonged?

"Come on, Sev. We're almost there." Lily flashed a grin at him and his heart skipped a beat.

There was a forced element to her smile that made it clear that it was partially for his benefit, which ironically helped more than the smile itself.

I can't really count a girl as a place I belong, right? The answer was probably no but he found it difficult to care.

It had been over a year since he'd last made his way up the steps to Dumbledore's office, but it hadn't changed much. In spite of the title of office, it was a place of whimsy rather than practicality. Rather than papers, projects and letters, all manner of strange devices found their home here and he absentmindedly noted that a few more odds and ends had been piled onto the desk and shelves since the prior visit.

Still, it gave him a feeling of foreboding to step inside, reminding him far too much of that fateful night.

That feeling of foreboding was increased at how Dumbledore's chair was empty, and further heightened at just who was sitting in one of the two squashy armchairs, the wolf, his nose buried in a book.

He narrowed his eyes, a stinging remark in mind - something about vermin and the poor fleas that covered it - but Lily squeezed his hand gently, asking permission. He ground his teeth but gave her a short nod and let her step forward.

"Lupin," Lily said, "err, what are you doing here?" She was careful to remain polite but he noted the strained note to her voice. She was no happier to see him than Severus was.

The wolf glanced up at them. He had a friendly smile on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. "The headmaster asked me to come," he swallowed. "How have you been?"

Severus suppressed a roll of the eyes as Lupin and Lily conversed over banalities, although Lily was being 'tactful' and not mentioning what scum the wolf-boy's friends were. He might have done so himself - after so many years of being looked down upon in comparison to funny, funny Potter, he certainly deserved a bit of gloating privileges - however, the meeting with Dumbledore had him more concerned.

What did Dumbledore want from him? Surely the man wasn't foolish enough to have him publicly declare opposition to the Dark Lord. He had worked long and carefully to extricate himself from those ranks without danger. If he were to blatantly join the Order of the Phoenix while living amongst his enemies… he was dead.

In spite of what he and Lily had discussed, he couldn't deny that he would make an excellent spy, given his situation. Still…

Lupin made a sound that was almost like a sob, and Severus turned.

"It's been hard without them," Remus said, talking about those blasted Marauders. "I got to see them once. They look haunted, especially Peter. You wouldn't believe how thin he is - I doubt he's eaten more than a few slices of bread all week. Sirius is fighting it as hard as he can and James… James just looks lost."

Good riddance. It's nothing less than they deserve… is what he wanted to say. He knew of Dementors though, and of the utter horrors they visited upon others. They would be ravaged by every cruelty they had committed, every regret they had, and when they were done, they might be mere shells of men. A year ago, even a few months ago, he would have condemned them to it without a second thought.

Now though… Severus would rather have them in there than not, of course, but he couldn't help but feel that that sort of suffering might be a little… excessive. He had seen the look on James' face when he apologized and, perhaps it was naivety speaking, but he thought that maybe this time the man might regret his actions. Mad, I know, but crazier things have happened.

"I know they've committed terrible crimes," Remus said, echoing his thoughts, "but they've been such a part of my life since Hogwarts began, and now…" he sighed, slumping in his chair. "I miss them."

Severus eyed him. Lupin had always been a strange boy, studious if not terribly talented. His condition might weaken him, yes, but as sickly as he often was, he didn't think he'd ever seen him look so exhausted of life.

"It's going to be alright. Really," Lily said, attempting to sound encouraging, but Severus could tell she didn't believe it any more than he did.

Lupin had lost his friends and even though they were coming back in a year, they might never be the same again.

"You know, Remus," Lily said with forced cheer, "I'm probably going to need a lot of help if I'm going to be Head Girl. Mind giving me a hand?"

A transparent attempt to cheer the boy up by implying that she would replace his lost friendship with that of her own. After everything he'd gone through with the Marauders, she promptly offered to put another one back into his life? It should have annoyed him, but looking at the defeated expression on Lupin's face… Each of the times Severus had nearly lost his friends, it threatened to destroy him.

He could begrudge him this, he supposed.

The Floo flared green and moments later Dumbledore was inside, brushing some soot off his periwinkle robes.

He smiled at the sight of them. "Why hello there, my apologies for being a trifle behind, but my meeting with Bartemius held me up." He indicated the three squashy armchairs, causing Severus to blink because he had been certain there were two of them.

Not that such magic was too difficult. Transfiguration was not his specialty, but to cast the spell so subtly that he hadn't even noticed it? I suppose that there is a reason that he is the only one the Dark Lord fears.

Severus took his seat gingerly, careful to take the one furthest from Lupin. He kept his mouth shut, waiting to see what Dumbledore would say.

After offering them some sort of Muggle candy - which Severus desperately hoped was an indication of trying to mentally disarm them rather than growing senility - Dumbledore settled into his own chair and looked at each of them in turn, that grandfatherly smile still on his face.

Severus didn't trust it but what choice did he have at this point? He'd committed himself.

Dumbledore said, "I'm sure that you would much prefer to be enjoying the warm summer outside, rather than listening to an old man ramble about the dark days to come, so I'll be quick." He clasped his hands together. "Voldemort has grown stronger over the last few years, and while his supporters are fanatical in their loyalty, I have been able to glean some information as to his plans."

Severus eyed him curiously. He had attended more than a few meetings about the mysterious Death Eaters and what they were expected to do. Talk had been about cleansing the wizarding world of its corrupt politics, a brighter future, and of course letting the Dark Lord rule all of Magical Britain. Some of it was surely posturing, of course, but the rest...

"He intends to take over the magical world, of course," Dumbledore explained, "but it is his methods that trouble most of all. He is making an army consisting of some of the vilest individuals: former servants of Grindlewald and dark members of already-dark pure-blood families; he will take this army and wage a war of bloody conquest."

Severus glanced at Lily. Her hard expression made it clear that she had expected something along these lines.

"So, rather like Grindlewald, then?" Lily said, frowning.

Dumbledore shook his head. "I do not think so - Grindlewald was a man of many things, some particularly vile, but at his heart, he believed in the things he championed. Voldemort presents a front of a man of mystery and might, but at his core, he is concerned with only one thing: himself. Nobody save for him matters. As such, I believe that he is willing to commit acts of such monstrosity and cruelty that even Grindlewald would blanch."

"How do you know this?" Severus found himself asking. "Why are you so certain? How do you know?"

"Alas, I am afraid that I cannot explain the full details at this time, but suffice it to say, I taught the man now calling himself Lord Voldemort back when he was no older than the three of you are. He was," the headmaster grimaced, looking past them as if at some painful memory, "always careful then to assure that his hands remained clean, but wherever he trod, there were bodies in his wake and only now am I beginning to get an idea of how deep those cruelties ran."

"But surely there must be something the man values. Something he cares about." Severus didn't know why, but he felt the need to defend the Dark Lord. Perhaps because if he was as bad as the headmaster claimed, what did that say about his wanting to join him?

Dumbledore's expression had a look of pity on it. "If there is anyone or anything else he values, I have yet to see it. There will be war coming and it will be an even more terrible one than the one against Grindlewald. However," his expression cleared, "that does not mean it is without hope. With all of us fighting together, there is no darkness that cannot be defeated."

Kind and trite words, perhaps, but somehow, Dumbledore seemed to believe them enough that Severus found himself believing a little as well. Both Lily and Remus were cheered too, smiling if a little.

"How can we help, sir?" Lily asked, her normal friendly mask dropping a little for determination. She glanced at him, and at his nod, continued, "Severus and I would like to do what we can to help fight him."

Dumbledore smiled. "It's good to see your eagerness to fight against Voldemort… but for now, I would rather see you develop each of your individual strengths. It would do no good to join too early and lose your lives pointlessly." After giving that a moment to sink in, he continued, "Now, tell me a bit about yourselves. I might be responsible for educating you, but there is a difference between knowing your classes and knowing you."

The three looked at one another, Severus eying Lily in particular. He wasn't sure how much he wanted to reveal, especially in front of Lupin. He would have to trust Dumbledore, at least to an extent, but a Marauder?

She noticed his look and shrugged too as if to say 'up to you'. He closed his eyes, but stayed silent, wanting to see what Lupin would reveal before making his decision.

However, Lupin seemed no more eager than he was, so it was Lily who took the lead. She told them about how she was a Muggleborn and had always been fascinated by Potions and Charms, especially Charms because it let her make her life easier. Potions was a close second though.

Severus also noted that she was careful to mention how the two of them had been friends since childhood. He wondered why at first before realizing that she must have wanted to build his credibility with Dumbledore, especially if he kept details about him to himself - even if he couldn't be trusted for himself, he could be trusted through her. He appreciated the offered out.

When she was done though, Lupin was still quiet. Dumbledore kept smiling though, and eventually, Severus realized that either he would speak, or they might be waiting until doomsday. "I am excellent at Potions," he said, before adding, "and I am very skilled at Defense Against The Dark Arts."

"Defense Against the Dark Arts, Mr. Snape? Or the Dark Arts themselves?"

"The Dark Arts too," he said in a growl, narrowing his eyes at the man. At the worried look on Lily's face, he added a more subdued, "sir."

To his surprise though, Dumbledore merely smiled benignly. "While the Dark Arts are not the most healthy of magics, the knowledge and ability with them do not mean in and of themselves that one is a Dark Wizard. Your choices make you who you are, not solely your abilities."

Severus could only stare at the man in wonder for a long moment. Even Lily had only recently begun to accept his proclivities. There is a difference between accepting one's ability and the use of those abilities though, he reminded himself, before mentioning a few more details, such as his apprenticeship, although he wagered Dumbledore was already familiar with that one.

When he was done, it was Lupin's turn. The boy was much as he had expected: generally studious so decent in a number of fields, although he was actually better in DADA than Severus might have expected; thinking about it, it made sense. He was a werewolf, after all. He noticed that Lupin made no mention of that either, probably scared that Lily wouldn't accept him, the coward.

After they were all finished, Dumbledore stroked his beard in thought, and Severus began to get nervous in spite of himself.

"Each of you are talented individuals," the man finally said, "and the question lies in where you would do well and where your talents would best guide you." He turned to Lily. "Miss Evans, both pursuing mastery in potions or curse-breaking are things that would be very easy for you to achieve. I know that you have a skill at quickly learning a large number of fields - you have overall the highest grades of anyone your year - so anything that interests you would likely be within your grasp."

Lily's smile was wide, and although she kept it together, Severus could see the way she wanted to jump up and down in glee. If they were alone, he would have squeezed her hand in congratulations but, given their situation, he settled for a nod.

Then it was his turn.

"Mr. Snape, on the other hand, while you are intelligent, you are also rather more specialized than your companion. Potions or something dealing with the Dark Arts would suit you best." Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, a friendly smile on his face. "Tell me, have you given much thought to what you would like to do after Hogwarts?"

He started to answer, then frowned. For a few years now, until he had made his promise to Lily, his end goal had been to join the ranks of the Death Eaters. Now… he was in an apprenticeship for Potions and could easily attain mastery in it, he was sure; that didn't equal a plan for what he would do though.

He admitted this to Dumbledore, but the headmaster merely said, "That is perfectly fine, Severus. Many of us do not find their calling until long after school - I did not start teaching immediately upon graduating, I must confess."

"As for you, Mr. Lupin, I for one think that you would make an excellent instructor in Defense Against The Dark Arts, should you be interested. A role as an Auror might be suited for your talents as well, too."

The boy started to smile but then it faltered. "An Auror… They always wanted to be Aurors, Peter especially." He swallowed. "I know what they did was wrong, but I wish… sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't…"

"We all have our regrets," Dumbledore said quietly, "some more than others. Things that we wish we could have undone. What you did though was out of nothing less than your best qualities, to make up for a terrible wrong. You shouldn't feel guilty about it."

"But…!" he faltered, drawing in upon himself.

"Sir?" Lily asked hesitantly. "What are the two of you talking about?"

Dumbledore smiled encouragingly at Lupin, who grimaced but finally nodded and cleared his throat.

"When the headmaster came up with the penpals idea at the start of the year, he had some of the prefects assist in sending out all the letters. After everything that happened at the end of last year between my friends and Severus, well, I felt guilty." Lupin's face fell with his words. "I could have done something, I could always have done something, but I never did, for fear of making my friends angry. When I saw that I had been assigned the two of you… I had an idea, somewhat of a silly one, I suppose. I knew how much your friendship meant to the two of you, and I figured, why not? So I swapped the penpals."

Severus stared, dumbstruck. So Lupin had assigned the two of them to each other. Everything that had happened this year, it was at the hands of Lupin?

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Of course, when two people didn't receive penpals at the other school, I investigated and discovered what had happened. I considered apologizing and bringing an end to it, but… the whole idea behind this was to influence those who were likely to serve Voldemort in a different direction. Lily's interactions with you served that purpose quite admirably. Through simple communication, your friendship was rekindled, pulling you back from the darkness."

"So if I hadn't been assigned Severus…" Lily slowly said.

"Would he have continued toward serving Voldemort?" Dumbledore stroked his beard as he pondered that. "I imagine that only he might know the answer to that question and even he might not know for certain. Perhaps something else would have happened to turn him back. Perhaps he would have done it himself, or maybe he would have ended up joining Voldemort. It is hard to say."

Severus appreciated the out but he suspected that had it not been for Lily, he would indeed have joined the Dark Lord. It was a chilling thought, that had it not been for Lupin's guilt, he might be on the opposite side of the war from her.

"Now then," Dumbledore said, "Mr. Lupin and Miss Evans, if you don't mind, I would like to have a word with Mr. Snape."

Lupin nodded, making his way back down the stairs without a word, but Lily paused, flashing a subtle wave before following suit.

Dumbledore smiled in her wake before turning back to him. "She seems to really care about you."

"She does," he admitted. Perhaps more than she should, given what happened with Potter and his crew. He'd been helpless to protect her, having to rely upon the Aurors to save them. It hadn't even been his idea, Evelyn having to come up with it.

With this 'Order of the Phoenix', she would be in even more danger. At least he would be there to help her amongst others but, again, that had been shown to hardly be enough. At the curious look on Dumbledore's face though, he drew back. "Did you ask to speak to me alone to discuss my relationship with Lily?"

The headmaster chuckled. "While I am glad for the two of you, your relationship with Lily is merely related to what I want to discuss with you. Tell me, Severus, why are you here?"

Because you summoned us here. Aloud, he said, "To fight against the Dark Lord, I believe. You do remember that, yes?"

Rather than be offended at his cheek, Dumbledore merely smiled. "Yes, but are you here to fight Voldemort or to protect Lily?"

"Why can't it be both?"

"In an ideal world, it would be, but Voldemort is vicious and cruel; torture is hardly beyond him, and I suspect that given how close you were to joining his ranks before, he might try to convince you into serving him. If you were part of the Order, many people could die if you betrayed us. Your love of Lily could be the key that leads to an endless nightmare."

"I will not let him hurt her," Severus said, ignoring the voice that reminded him of his own doubts. "And surely I am not the only member of the Order with loved ones the Dark Lord could target."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "True, but you are the only one who nearly chose to serve him."

"I am not going to change sides," he hissed. "You know Lily will fight to the end and beyond to stop him and I'll be right there fighting alongside her."

"Will you fight without her though?" Dumbledore asked softly. "If something were to happen to Lily, if Voldemort were to threaten her, would you still fight at our side?"

He opened his mouth but hesitated. If the Dark Lord were to blackmail him using Lily... "Maybe," he finally said. "I cannot say for certain. It… it would depend."

In spite of his words, Dumbledore smiled. "Lord Voldemort is willing to twist and corrupt everything he touches in his quest for power. In such a dark time as I fear we are going to face, truth is the most powerful shield we have. Thank you for your honesty and welcome to the Order of the Phoenix."

Severus drew back, staring at him. "You are willing to let me join you, after confessing that I might not remain loyal, because I was honest to you? Wouldn't you want someone you could trust to be on your side?"

"Ahh, I am afraid you underestimate me. I already knew this before you came in here. What I was looking to discover was if you were prepared to be honest with me about it. Everyone has something they value beyond all else, Mr. Snape, something that can drive them to their breaking point in an instant. Miss Evans is yours, for good and ill." Dumbledore stroked his beard, eying him thoughtfully. "I confess that I do not have access to as much of Voldemort's plans as I would like but I suspect that at the beginning of this year, he was prepared to offer you an opportunity you would have considered incredible: the chance to join his Death Eaters."

Severus frowned, not sure where the headmaster was going with this, then gave a short nod.

"Yet, when you were offered the chance for forgiveness, for friendship, you turned back from that path."

Severus' face flushed. "It wasn't just that. There were other reasons."

"Of course there were." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Between your mother's death and the letters you had been unknowingly exchanging with Miss Evans, you were encouraged down this alternate path. Her offer of forgiveness sealed the deal, however, so to speak."

How did he…? A particularly large person reflected in his mind. Slughorn… Anger flashed through him at his privacy being violated. Part of him could understand why the headmaster wouldn't want to take any chances (That part of him was quite naive and trusting, and sounded awfully like Lily, to tell the truth), but the rest... "Why should I trust you though? After every time I endured those little monsters, after I nearly died, you did nothing. You punished, but the effect was minimal. A year later and Lily and I nearly had our minds wiped because you did not do your job."

"To be quite honest, Mr. Snape, I had hoped that, after the rivalry had nearly resulted in tragedy, at least one of the two parties would have backed down and realized that it wasn't worth it. From the confessions of Mr. Lupin and the parties responsible, it seemed to be working this year... until Mr. Potter, egged on by Mr. Black, decided to take petty revenge to salve his wounded heart. This time, the consequences spiraled out of control." The headmaster sighed. "If I had acted in the past, this would not have happened. It was a mistake on my part, one that has led to people's lives nearly being destroyed out of foolish hope."

Severus could have condemned him, pointing out that it wasn't just a matter of rivalry but bullying and that nearly killing him should have been good enough. However, that mistake had been corrected by the ministry and he would have to work with Dumbledore anyway. "So," he said instead, "what happens now? What do you want from me?"

Dumbledore chuckled. "Why, that is up to you. The fight against Voldemort will begin in earnest soon, but there will be time for that. For now, there is life, friendship and love as well. Learn and grow, and perhaps help others to do the same. All I ask is that you do your best to help fight against the darkness to come, nothing more or less." He offered his hand. "I look forward to working with you, Mr. Snape."

After everything, Severus felt naked and vulnerable in a way that the times he had met with the Dark Lord's Death Eaters never had. They had asked him to give up pieces of him. Dumbledore asked for everything. Yet when he shook the man's hand, he was content.

He had not forgotten the past but, today and now, he would promise to fight alongside him and that would be enough.

/-/

"...better be… Slytherin!"

Lily clapped dutifully as 'Worster, Albert' was sorted into Slytherin. It wasn't her house, admittedly, and Severus was less enthusiastic if anything, but someone should cheer for her boyfriend's house, right?

The way the vast majority of her housemates glared at her told her otherwise but eh, it was an acquired taste.

Dumbledore had begun his speech. The usual warnings were given and, apparently, the pen pal program was to continue. After last year's success, Lily had no objections.

She was assigned to a 'Lord Omight' (really? That was supposed to be clever?) while Mary was assigned to someone who sounded more interested in beauty products than anything else.

After a shared roll of the eyes, she glanced over to Evelyn, who nodded back before tapping her chin in thought at her own assignment.

As for Severus… she blinked. His eyes were wide.

As soon as she finished her meal, she made a beeline for him. "What's wrong?"

His expression was a complex mix of emotions but he showed the letter with the name 'Prongs' written upon it.

At the sight of it, her blood boiled. "Is he serious?"

Severus' eyebrows knit together. "Must be."

"You can ignore it, you know? Potter skipped his assignment. Serves him right if you skip yours." After everything the Marauders had done, if she never saw them again, it would be too soon.

"I do not think I will…" he smirked. "Your messages to me meant a great deal. Let us see how it turns out this time."

"Leave me out of it then." She considered. "Just make sure you don't start dating him."

Severus laughed, before pulling out a quill and beginning to write…

THE END