Off and On Again

To my sister,A.Cal

Cal paced in front of a tiny airport somewhere in eastern Finland.He felt twitchy and nervous and as if all choices had been taken from him,which,in a way they had.

His son Kit sat on the bench nearby,scanning the surroundings like he always did these days.Cal hated that Kit felt like he needed to be the one keeping an eye on things.

“I think that’s them,”Kit murmured when a slightly battered SUV turned into the almost empty parking lot.

Cal grunted and rolled his neck agitatedly.At least he’d managed to stop pacing.

The car drove across the lot and to the front of the airport.

“Hey,I’m so sorry we’re late!”A man around Cal’s age jumped out of the driver’s seat.He wasn’t a full shifter,Cal could tell immediately.“I’m Mikael Jarvela,I own the farm.This is my other half,Maxim.”

The huge man next to him nodded,his serious gaze never straying far from Cal while he ignored Kit.

Cal knew everyone could hear how his teeth ground together as he tried to control himself.

“Hi.It’s okay.Hit some traffic?”Kit asked.“I’m Kit Calder,this is my dad Cal.”

“Cal Calder?”Mikael raised a brow at him.

Kit smiled.“No,Ewan Calder,but nobody calls him Ewan.”

Cal grunted,but the sweat on his forehead and the way he couldn’t stop his eyes flicking from Mikael to Maxim and back to their surroundings would tell Kit that Cal couldn’t speak for himself right then.

“Let’s get your luggage and get driving.Do you need anything,Cal?”Mikael asked as they all grabbed parts of the mountain of suitcases and backpacks and put them into the car.

Cal shook his head.

Kit frowned.“Water and maybe a protein bar,”he said,making Cal glare.

For someone else,being looked at like that by a man packed with compact muscles that screamed lethality might’ve been unnerving,even though Cal was only five-eight.For Kit,small as he was being a few inches shorter and bordering on a skinny build,Cal had never been threatening and he’d always told him so.No,to him,despite all the problems,Cal was a savior and a protector.Now that Kit was practically an adult,he seemed to feel it was his turn to make sure Cal would be okay.

“I have jerky in car,”Maxim grunted,his Russian accent obvious even in that short sentence.

“That’ll do,”Kit said cheerily,probably hoping to keep the mutual grump from spreading more.

“And there’s water,too.Let’s hop in.Do you guys have any preferences on where you want to sit?”Mikael asked as he walked around the car before getting into the driver’s seat.

“Not really.We can sit in the back,”Kit replied for both of them.Kit and Cal settled into the back seat and Maxim squeezed himself next to his mate in the front.

“The drive is about an hour and a half,so if you get tired,just nap.”Mikael glanced at them over his shoulder and smiled.He had a kind face,but there was this kind of charisma or aura that radiated from him that seemed to calm Kit down in a way Cal knew not many people could.

“Sure,”Kit told Mikael,then took the snacks from Maxim when he handed them over.“Thanks.”

He opened the water and held it at Cal until he took it.Then he waited for him to drink and replaced the bottle with a bag of jerky.“Eat.”Kit put the seat belt on and cuddled against Cal’s side for comfort and to give Cal something to ground himself with.

Just as Kit started to drift off to the gentle rumble of the diesel engine,Cal realized that they’d been on Finnish soil for about an hour,and Cal hadn’t spoken a word,yet.

It certainly didn’t look promising.

****

Cal twitched hard enough that Kit,even in his sleep,patted his thigh before burrowing in closer.Fuck

He felt like such a loser.He’d known there wouldn’t be a generous supply of morphine where they were going—kind of the point,he supposed—so he’d been weaning himself off it.Luckily,his cat was nowhere to be seen or felt,but his human side was twitchy as hell because of low-key withdrawal.And it wouldn’t get easier anytime soon.

At least they’d hit the part of the journey where the road was dark and there weren’t streetlights.Passing those continuously had almost triggered his flashbacks,but he’d managed to keep them at bay by listening to the quiet murmur of the tiger and his mate in the front.

The tiger…well,Maxim was obviously a person he needed to not piss off.Having someone as big as the Russian close didn’t intimidate Cal.What it did,was make him feel peace.Because he knew that if he had to be put down,the end would be fast.

Cal tried to relax,but it was something almost impossible to achieve these days.Maybe a few years ago.Before the whole deal with the morphine started.Nobody knew exactly what had happened to lead him into the state he was in.Well,the serval who was the smaller cat shifters’mouthpiece in the Council knew,but only because the Council had insisted he told someone.They wouldn’t have agreed to help him otherwise.

This,coming to Finland,was a last-ditch effort to get him clean,get him to shift—Cal didn’t want to think about that—and to retain his sanity.He knew what his reputation was in the Council and everywhere he’d gone before.

He didn’t want to be that man anymore.He wanted to be someone who would always be there for Kit,for the son he’d chosen and who had chosen him.

Mikael cleared his throat.“So,we’ve managed to make the Metsala farm habitable.It’s very basic and needs more work,but during a summer like this,it’s good enough for the time being.There’s some of the necessary furniture and such,so if you want peace,we can take you there.If you want a hot bath,a TV,and a working internet,then I’d suggest coming to the main house with us.”

Mikael turned to Cal and Kit,who was slowly waking up.“Do you have a preference?”

Cal thought for a moment.Before he could answer,Maxim murmured,“There’s better food at ours.Don’t have to cook there.”

That,and the lure of a bath and internet for Kit,made Cal open his mouth and grind out“Your place.”

“Our place it is.”Mikael smiled and turned on his blinker to turn right onto an even narrower dirt road.