Dealing with Demons

Swallowing hard, I grab my mask and remove it without further ado. My jaw clenches hard because of my nerves, but soon, my features are out in the open and I'm faced with gobsmacked expressions. It wasn't all surprise that I saw.

More than a handful of the familiar faces are wearing expressions of anger and disgust. Not that I could blame them. Their looks weren't all that different from what Octavia wore back when she found out I was alive. I know that I'll have to apologize to them as well. Though, I don't think they are as forgiving as Octavia is. 

Trying my best not to make a fool out of myself, I stay calm so as to not embarrass James or Lexa. I'm representing their hospitality and leadership, so I need to choose my words carefully. With James's and Ontari's help, and after Jaha's death, my emotions have been much more under control. I couldn't let my former group's looks of anger or potentially snide and biting comments get to me. 

After a few moments of extremely tense and awkward silence, I clear my throat and raise my hand in greeting. 

"Hey everyone," I start awkwardly, ignoring the growing number of angry looks thrown my way. "I have a number of things I want to say." 

"And why should we listen to you, Murphy!?" I hear from someone in the large group of people. Hearing that, many of the others started muttering noises of agreement and nodding their heads. 

Getting annoyed at the lack of order, Heda reminded everyone of her presence. "SILENCE! You will listen to what John has to say and be quiet until he is finished! Do not make me repeat myself or I will rescind my offer and treat you all as prisoners of war!"

The crowd effectively cowers at her words, quickly halting their trains of thought. It was the first time that they had met the Heda, and so it was the first time that they had heard her authoritative voice. If they were to become a 'grounder', then they would have to learn respect in her presence. 

"Thank you, my Heda." I say appreciatively, nodding my head in her direction before steeling myself and continuing with what I have to say. "As I was saying, there's some stuff I need to get off my chest. Before I go into detail about my life since being banished, I want to apologize to you all for the way I acted at camp."

Shocked and confused by my words, they looked at me as though I had grown a second head like some of the wildlife in the forest.

"I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I was an asshole to all of you." I start, trying to make eye contact with as many members of the group as possible. "I was rude and bullied many of you just because I could. I abused the position of power that Bellamy put me in, and none of you deserved it. 

"Wells… I treated him probably the harshest out of all of you, and I'll never be able to apologize to him for it. He wasn't his father, and I shouldn't have taken it out on him. The same goes for Clark. All because her mom had a spot on the council, I bullied her in much of the same way.

"Ellie," I say pointedly, looking at a girl towards the back with a worn beanie on her head and nose piercing. "One of the first things I did when coming to the ground was basically attack you and hold you over a fire. You didn't deserve that, and it was stupid of me to even suggest hurting you before taking off your bracelet. And for that, I apologize deeply." 

"It's okay…" Ellie says abashed, not liking that everyone's eyes were on her. "... I forgive you." She states after a moment, sending a small smile in my direction. 

Nodding my thanks, I gave her a smile of my own and moved on to the next person I felt I had to apologize to. 

"Connor," I gaze towards the black kid on the far right. Once I called out his name, his eyebrows rose significantly towards his hairline. "I believe we both know what I need to apologize to you for… when we were building the wall to keep out the grounders, I should have helped you when I saw you struggling, and I should have given you water when you needed a break. That being said, I apologize for pissing on you instead of bringing you water. I shouldn't have been in any sort of leadership position with my former attitude and I know that now." 

Connor looked at me with a frown for a long while before finally speaking. "Man, don't even worry about it. We all do stupid shit sometimes, and it takes a real man to apologize for his wrongdoings." He said with a tone of respect. 

Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows in surprise, I honestly didn't expect that. Just as with Ellie, I nod my head to Connor in respect and thanks. 

James PoV: 

Listening to John apologize to everyone made me proud. He didn't have to do that, it wasn't even part of the plan, yet, he did it anyway because he wanted to. Looking at Lexa, I could tell that she was proud of John as well.

Hearing the part where he peed on someone, though, I had to resist hard against the urge to shake my head in exasperation. I couldn't believe the level of immaturity John used to possess.

Once his apologies were all done and over with, he moved on to talk about what he's been through since being banished. I smirk as I realized that he made no mention whatsoever of the beatings I've put him through as he explains a second's role, and what is expected of him being my second. 

He emphasized the mentorship roles between a first and second, explaining the trust and openness that is to be expected from such a relationship. When a second is no longer needed, you should be able to take on the role of your former first if they are no longer available. You should know all you need to know about whatever craft they knew by heart.

I knew that I wouldn't be around forever, my role was exceptionally dangerous. When I die, I expect John to take my place and succeed wherever it is that I had failed.

"...Heda wasn't lying when she said that this is an opportunity for a new start. I promise you all, you won't regret your choice siding with us. We can all live lives down here that we once thought would be impossible back on The Ark. You won't need to fear getting floated for the littlest of things, you will have the chance to have multiple children—multiple children. You can start real families down here, you just need to give them a chance." 

Exiting my wandering thoughts, I catch the tail end of John's persuasions. He was right, you could have multiple children. In fact, having multiple children was actually encouraged.

Smiling at the thought of a gray eyed brown haired little nightblood running around, I notice that I'm not the only one thinking about the family aspect. I could see at least two different couples in the crowd holding hands with smiles on their faces.

As soon as he's finished with his speech, John returns his mask to his face and steps back to his place by Lexa's left side.

Scanning the gathered faces, I could tell that John's words eased any of the doubts and fears that they still harbored. Sure, some of them were nervous still, but the majority of them were smiling and talking quietly amongst themselves. If I had to guess, most of the nervousness came from the fact that they still faced the unknown moving forward. 

Life is change.

Each day is a new chance at something different, a new chance to change your life as you know it. Change is everywhere, nothing is as stagnant as it may seem on the surface. But as change is always there, so is the fear of the unknown, or rather, fear of change shifting into the unknown.

Seeing that John is finished with his speech, Lexa once more takes the floor.

"Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity, to seize everything you've ever wanted, in one moment, would you capture it? Or just let it slip..?" She asks quietly, though her voice was heard by everyone present.

For a little while, no one said anything. Just as I was beginning to think that no one was going to take this chance, someone from the group stepped forward with a hand raised. A satisfied smile formed underneath my mask as I saw who it was.

"I'll do it!" Monty said loud and clear. As though he was the first domino to fall, others began to follow his lead, Jasper right on his heels.

Seeing that everyone seemed to accept her offer, Lexa nodded, a small satisfied smile on her face, hands folded behind her back.

"Excellent. Tomorrow at noon, a number of people with different specialties will be arriving to see if any of you are acceptable as their seconds. For those who aren't picked, do not worry, you will have the chance to show off your skills soon enough, whatever they may be."

With that, Lexa turned on her heel and marched out of the room with John and I in tow. 

Once we were in the street, I relaxed a little and bumped John on the shoulder. "Well done, you did good." I say honestly.

"Thank you, I didn't really know what to say at first, but I kind of just went with it." John replies with an uplifted flair.

"James is right, you did remarkably well, John. It's too bad that Ontari didn't join us, I'm sure she would have found the fact that you relieved yourself on someone a rather amusing tidbit of information." Lexa teased with a slight chuckle.

Visibly blanching at Lexa's words, I laughed at his embarrassed form. Although I didn't know it, I was sure that he flushed at her words underneath his mask.

***

After returning to the tower, Lexa and I dropped John off at the training area with Ontari before heading towards Polis's prison. With the refugee situation dealt with, I felt it was finally time to see someone who I haven't seen in a long time—Marcus Kane.

The prison was a fairly large building, it was two stories counting the basement. The basement was where prisoners of war were kept, while the main floor was for common criminals. The justice system was rather simple here. If you committed small crimes, you'd go to prison for varying lengths. If you did hard crimes, such as murder or rape, you would be killed.

The basement of the prison was straight forward. At the bottom of the stairs leading up to the main floor, there was a long hallway that led to the opposite side of the building with rows of doors on each side.

This was where a majority of the remaining Skaikru were kept, mainly the more important members such as Marcus, Abby, Bellamy, and Clark.

None of the cells had windows, so each cell was near pitch black on the inside. The only light that existed in the basement came from the occasional torch in between cells. All in all, the prison was a dark and rather depressing place. 

Moving down the hallway, the further I got towards my destination, the more my hands seemed to clam up.

I hadn't seen Markus in ten years, and seeing him now? It made me a little anxious.

I spent time thinking about how I was going to deal with Markus, ignoring Lexa's persistence that I just kill him and get it over with. I think she's more mad at him for throwing me down here than I am. Then again, if I hadn't come down here, I wouldn't have ever even met her.

Following that line of thinking, I was actually kind of thankful for the council and their idiotic decision to send down a nine year old by himself.

Stopping in front of his cell, I let out a sigh.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asks with concern, her dainty hand finding its way into my own.

Hearing her, I turn my head from the iron door in front of me and catch her eye. The soft glow of a nearby torch lit up her features beautifully.

"I'm alright," I give her hand a little squeeze as I remove my mask. "It's just, I didn't really expect to see him again. I mean, I've always known it was a possibility, but I didn't really believe it." I tell her honestly, not really sure how to feel about the whole situation.

She smiles comfortingly at my words. "Destiny is a funny thing. You never know how things are going to work out." Listening to her reply, I give her a funny look that makes her laugh lightly.

"What's with the face?" 

I shake my head as nostalgic imagery flows through my mind. "You reminded me of Matthew just now. That was definitely something that he would have said." I tell her, letting out a soft chuckle of my own. 

"Well, perhaps that wisdom did come from Matthew. The spirit of the commander allows me to draw wisdom and experience from every previous commander before me." She says with a gentle and patient smile. 

Of course, the spirit of the commander. I had nearly forgotten about that. Matthew had mentioned it before when I was young. 

"Ah, that makes sense." I tell her, thinking about what Matthew would have thought of Lexa and I's relationship. I think he would have been proud.

Matthew could see the signs of my attraction to Lexa far sooner than I could. He always had this weird smile on his face when he saw Lexa and I together, it was like he knew a secret that we didn't.

Thinking about it, I guess he did…

Glancing at the metal door next to us, I let out a sigh once again. I think I've put this off for long enough.

Placing my mask in Lexa's hands, she looks down at it nodding her head. She knew it was time as well. Grasping her chin lightly between my thumb and forefinger, I tilt her head up so I can lean down to kiss her firmly and sensually. 

Separating after a few moments too soon, I lay my forehead against her own. "I'll be right back." I say softly, embracing the moment for a few more seconds. Once I finish, I pull back and grab a torch off the wall before facing towards the door. Taking a few deep breaths, I open the door and step into the dark room.

The cell is small, maybe forty eight feet in area at max. Holding the torch out in front of me, the fire illuminates the cell easily, casting a flickering light upon the hunched and dirty figure against the back wall.

Once I'm fully in the room, Lexa closes the door softly behind me, leaving me and Kane alone. As the door shuts, Marcus Kane's form doesn't so much as twitch.

Frowning a little, I stepped closer, but not so close that I could touch him. I didn't exactly want to risk him attacking me. Me defending myself against him would not make for a good reunion. That, and Lexa would probably have him executed.

"Mr. Kane?" I called towards him, hoping that would be enough to wake him from his nap.

He seemed to hear me as his head shifted at the sound of my voice. And ever so slowly, Marcus raised his head. 

"Who's there?" He rasped out with squinting eyes, his throat probably parched from the little water the prisoners were given.

Even though it's been almost eleven years, Marcus Kane still looked the same—just older. He still had his trademark thick mane of hair and dark eyes. The only real difference that I could tell at a glance would be the extra wrinkles around his eyes and stubbly beard.

It was still the same old man that I used to look up to all those years ago…

Moving the torch closer to my face so he can get a better look, I crouch down so I'm on his level. "It's been a long time, hasn't it, Mr. Kane?"

It took some time, but it wasn't too long before Kane's face lit up in disbelief and recognition. 

"James… is it really you?" He asks quietly, as if his very voice would scare me away and I'd never return again.