Relief

After I informed Heda of what had happened with the failed attempt of a hunting trip, she had sent out a group of scouts to collect the two other fallen guards. Lexa was saddened with the deaths of our previous Heda and the two guards that were with us, but was extremely happy that I had survived.

She couldn't believe that I had killed the Pauna with a single spear throw, but to be fair; I couldn't believe it either. The force of which I had thrown the spear was simply astounding. When I had retrieved the spear from the Pauna's head, it was buried up to the middle of the shaft. The spear took much effort to pull out, especially with my injury.

A couple of days following Lexa's ascension, there was a knock on the door to my quarters. I was standing upon the balcony at the time, reminiscing on the times I had spent with Matthew... my father.

Slowly taken out of my thoughts by the constant and quite loud knocking, I made my way to my door. Opening it, I was greeted with the sight of Lexa holding a wrapped bundle in her arms. Although I was quite curious as to what brought her to my quarters with what I assumed was a gift, I simply couldn't bring myself to care enough.

Thinking about Matthew had put me in a rather depressed mood, and it seemed that Lexa could read me better than I thought.

Taking in my baggy eyes, sagging shoulders, and small frown in the place of my usual smile when I greet her, her own smile seemed to dip into a small frown of her own.

She let herself into my quarters and set the bundle she was holding on top of my table. Considering that we were alone, she turned from the table to face me and I could see the concern in her eyes. She would only show weakness in front of Costia and I, the thought almost made me smile. But sadly, it wasn't enough and my frown stayed firmly in place.

"What is wrong James?" She asked me softly, walking closer to me with only concern and care lacing her voice.

Her voice sounded so soothing, I could almost feel the emotion within it sometimes. But no matter how much she cared for me, it was still so hard to show my own weakness towards her. I felt guilty with how much of her own weakness she shows me, and yet, I can't show her my own. That is, without proper coaxing. Lexa always finds a way to get me to speak on my troubles.

"Nothing is wrong Lexa." I lie feebly, looking away in shame. I knew she wouldn't believe my words but I was worried that she wouldn't think of me as such a strong warrior if I were to be weak in front of her.

I feel a soft hand lay upon my cheek softly, guiding my line of sight to find her own once again. I don't know what it was, perhaps it was her eyes, maybe it was the fact I was thinking of Matthew only moments before. Either way, whatever the case may be; I laid it all out.

Looking into her beautiful eyes, I knew that I had to tell her, I couldn't leave it all bottled up like this forever. I also knew that I would have eventually broken and told her all of it eventually, it just happened to be sooner rather than later.

I pulled her into a hug and I told her all that was on my mind. My worries of her death in the conclave, my failure to protect Matthew, the fact that I considered Matthew my father and now he's gone. Everything, everything except how I truly felt about her. I loved her but I couldn't get in-between her and Costia, especially when she was so happy with her. I would suffer for all eternity as long as I knew that Lexa was safe and happy.

When I was all done laying it out, I realized that I had been crying into her shoulder. But Lexa didn't seem to care, she just held me tight and whispered soothing words into my ear. This is why I love her, because of what kind of person she is. She is so strong, yet so caring and loving towards the people she considers friends and family.

I don't know how much time had passed, and I didn't care. In that long embrace, I felt light. Like all my worries simply left me, all my insecurities, all my problems, all of my fears... All that remained was my feelings for Lexa.

Begrudgingly prying myself from her soothing embrace, I got another look at her face. She had this worried look showing in her eyes, but she knew that I felt better. She had a small smile again and the sight made me smile in return.

"Do you feel better?" She inquired even though my smile was telling enough.

"Yes, thank you Lexa... For everything." I replied quietly.

Realizing I needed to break this moment before I did something that I would probably not regret, I asked about the bundle she came in with.

"So, what's the bundle on the table?"

As if just now remembering the reason that she came to my quarters in the first place, she quickly strode over to the bundle to retrieve it. With excitement I only ever see when she is decimating opponents in a sparring session, she is returning to her previous spot next to me with the package.

"It's a surprise." She answered cheekily, shoving the package into my arms. She was nearly bouncing with excitement at this point, waiting for me to open it with a wide grin adorning her beautiful face.

Shaking my head in exasperation at her childish behavior, I tear the wrapping of the package. Seeing that whatever it was, was made out of a very heavy hide, I held it up and examined it.

It was a cloak, but it wasn't just an ordinary cloak, it was thick and covered in black hair that seemed to almost look glossy in the light. Upon the breast of it, right over where my heart would be, was the mark of the flame. The mark seemed to be sewn expertly into the cloak and was golden in color.

Honestly it was a beautiful cloak, and obviously very well made. It could perhaps even stop a sword swing. The only thing that had me puzzled though, was the fact that it had the symbol of the flame on it.

Seeing my puzzling gaze and with her obviously wanting to just tell me, Lexa decided to clue me in.

"The cloak is made from the hide of the Pauna, as a symbol of your great strength and ability as an amazing warrior. The flame however, that is a symbol of your position and title as The Shield gon Heda. My personal guard, and my best friend." She finished softly, her lips forming a soft smile.

I almost wanted to refuse this gift, the key word being almost. It was my fault that Matthew died, because I wasn't strong enough, or fast enough to prevent his death... however, I knew I couldn't do that, not to Lexa. Not when she looked so happy... and so, I stayed silent and accepted the gift with a smile upon my own face.

Putting the cloak on, I realized that it had many pockets on the inside. I could store many weapons or other useful items there for the future for sure.

"Well, how do I look?" I asked Lexa, examining myself in my mirror but wanting another's opinion, especially hers.

Upon asking, I saw her over my shoulder in the reflection and I could have sworn that her cheeks were more red than normal, but when I turned around and her face was exactly how it was before.

"You look very intimidating." She answered teasingly. "Which is exactly what you need to be during the next clans meeting, which will be happening later today. I am going to try and form a coalition, an alliance of all twelve clans." Lexa finished proudly, her chin lifted slightly. She gave off an air of confidence, and it only made me love her more.