Chapter 8: Vor focused on the bite of the cold,

On the shared breath of her and her sisters. Her brother. It was an odd thought, something she’s known about forever, but now he was here. She could feel his resentment to her, knew she was being unfair to him. With the mounting stress of Eerikki coming through those trees any moment, on top of having something to solve all your problems with no instruction manual, it was all a little irritating.

“Just focus on me,” Rebekah said, her voice soft. Vor glanced at her before closing her eyes again, following Magnus’ breathing, she usually led them, her presence the most calming. She was the earth, fields of cool wheat, sun-warmed rocks, cold wet clay, resilient and steadfast.

The world drifted away and it was just them, breaths falling together, her heat with Magnus’s solidarity, Mom's fluidity, Severine’s comfort, Rebekah’s familiarity, and now Zayne’s power. She couldn’t help but feel drawn to it, electrical radiation that felt like the sun itself. His element was fire, just like hers, his energy pulsing, shooting through her arms, like a warm shower after being in the cold rain.

Allowing herself to be pulled into it, she found herself in the pit of his memories, surrounded by trees their presence like dew slicked over her skin. Breathless at the feeling of it, she had never experienced the world like this, it thrummed beneath her feet, the very ground alive.

“You made it,” an unfamiliar voice said, Vor turned to hold her hands out to protect from the new presence. Faltering in her stance she found jade green eyes looking up at her.

Her mother patted the grass next to her, Vor sat without question. Zayne’s memory was powerful, it was staggering that even though he was a child when he had experienced this, he had felt more of the world than Vor had ever felt even at her most powerful.

“It’s striking isn’t it?” Aethalia breathed laying back, stretching, she beamed up at the sun. “This is my favorite memory of his. He was only four. This is the first time I brought him out here, I was worried it would be too much.” She nods towards a grove of trees, where a small Zayne stood, head tilted to the side mouth open in awe. His eyes were closed and his breathing matched the pulse of the woods, Vor felt a stab of jealousy. Only four years old. And he drank it in so easily, effortless, no training.

Aethalia grabbed her hand jerking her down so she could only see the sky.

“It does no good to feel that way towards him. That feeling only grows stronger, which is why I brought you to this memory. It’s sickening to him now, overwhelming.” Her voice is tired, she waves her hand to the sky, and it opens up to another memory.

They now lay on soft garden soil, Vor turned her cheek to the sound of sobbing, seeing Zayne older now, fisting the dirt with one hand vomiting violently. He sobbed and she could feel it, the overstimulation of everything. Too heavy, too full, too touched, too much.

“He’s only eight here.” With a sigh, they go back to the field, where Zayne is in the wonder of the world.

“How are we supposed to use that? It seems more of a burden.” Vor sighs pulling her hand away from Aethalia’s sitting up to watch her brother stroke the bark of the trees, rub the leaves his face elated with each new sensation.

“Rebekah,” Aethalia said simply sitting up too, her hair wasn’t dreaded like theirs but braided tightly, curling at the end. She had cut her locks, had gotten rid of her connection to her sisters, to the earth.

Vor thought about this for a moment twisting her own loc, watching Zayne trying to understand.

Aethalia waved her hand and Zayne was older again, his face red and strained, he sat in a meditation pose, but she could still feel everything pouring into him. Tears streaking his dirt-smeared face. “Just breathe,” Aethalia said to him gently, and he did, but he could not find a rhythm for his breath. How could he? When the sky thrummed softly above, the ground pounded like a drum, the trees and grass pulsed to different beats. Coming from miles away, he could feel the heat of the city, the hum of the animals nearby. There was no melody, just a catastrophe of noise. Aethalia waved her hand again, to after he was sealed. And it was blissfully silent, his body sagged in relaxation. Vor’s eyebrows lowered, as the scene changed again to just a few weeks ago. The seal lifted, everything roared around him like different songs blaring at once and Rebekah grabbed his hand. Everything snapped into synchrony, and Vor understood looking at Aethalia.

“He needs to learn to sync the energy, rather than it being raw.” Her mother smiled at her twirling a dread around her finger. “That’s it. It’s nothing, complicated.” Vor turns pulling her head away so her hair fell from her mother’s fingers.

“You couldn’t have just told us that in a letter? Why all the dramatics?” Vor sniffed, mirroring her brothers’ previous statement.

“Honestly?” Aethalia said laying back on her elbows, watching as the memory changed to Zayne sitting on the porch steps holding a towel over his bloody arm. His eyes empty, his face blank, slowly lighting up to the red and blue glow of a police cruiser.

Vor nodded watching the scene, feeling Aethalia’s heartache, her voice cracks as she says “I wanted to see you. And he is our only connection.” She admitted wiping the back of her hand over her eyes.

Keeping her eyes glued to Zayne being put in the back of the cop car she wondered aloud, “Why not come home after you placed the seal?” she whispered glancing back at Aethalia who wipes her face with the bottom of her shirt.

“It was hard not to.” She admitted taking a deep breath, clearing her throat. “You know Eerikki would have killed me. Besides, you were both safer with me where I was.”

Vor stood now watching Zayne grow in different memories around her, seeing how his life was empty. The world was quiet static around him, he was gray, in stagnant water. She watched him observe personalities, practice them in the mirror. Not able to connect even on a human level with his own adoptive father. He saw how that caused pain in the ones that wanted to care for him. Nightly he practiced smiles, whispered different fake laughter, watching to see which reactions brought the most approval to those around him.

She thought of Aethalia's words, that he was their only connection. How untrue that was. There are many paths she could have chosen, and this was the one. The one that took her away from her.

It would be different if Zayne was younger than Vor, that feels like it would sting less.

Instead, she had Zayne first and saw a path that involved Vor, knowing she would have to leave her.

Clearing her throat Aethalia nodded at Vor’s hesitation “I love you Vor. I always have and always will. And I’m so proud of you.” Vor only nodded at her words, trying to force her eyebrows to relax.

Mom had told her on countless occasions these words from Aethalia. They didn’t have much impact coming straight from the source. She didn’t care that it was for the best, that there was no better choice, that this was the best course for everyone involved. Vor was selfish, she knew that about herself. She loved her family, but that didn’t give Aethalia a pass to breed her very own chess pieces.

Deciding that it was also not Zayne’s fault, he was just the King, and she was just a pawn.

Vor found the memory of Zayne finding their mother, dead, bloated. Watched as the flies explored her open eyes.

It was jarring, but seeing it from his perspective was the worst, because of the emotional distance. He knew he should care, knew he loved her. But felt nothing. What was the point then? He had thought, what was the fucking point. If your own mother dies, and you don’t even care?

His life felt so short compared to hers. Even though he was older. It felt like she had lived lifetimes next to him. One day in her life was weeks in his.

She saw how he saw her from the ground when he opened his eyes. How alive everything felt, how her touch pulled him back. She realized it was going to be so complicated to train him to mold everything into one sound. To make it all make sense.