My Choice

“ Josh Norman!” Came the booming voice from the principal speaking into the microphone. I stood and carefully made my way to the podium. I was handed my high school diploma, shook the principal’s hand, and held it up for the reporter taking pictures for the local paper. I walked off the stage and took my seat. I sat through more names being announced in the cramped hot gym.

“ Vala Perce Marshton!” I cheered as loud as I could as my girlfriend went up to get her diploma. When she was heading back to her seat, I got up and intercepted her. We hugged each other tightly then returned to our seats for the end of the graduation ceremony. Finally it was time to throw our caps. We moved our tassels to the side and threw them up. Finally, twelve years of going to school had reached its culmination.

Our graduation party was being held on Travis’ farm. The entire TSW roster, as well as the families of Vala, Brooklyn, and Gunner, was waiting for Vala and myself, cheering wildly when we showed up. I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit disappointed. Although I hadn’t spoken to any member of my immediate family in years I couldn’t help but wish for once we could temporarily mend the bridge for the day. However, once I scanned the faces of people that had come, I forced the thought out of my mind. This was my family and I couldn’t be more blessed to have them.

The party lasted until after midnight. Most people had gone home at this point, myself, Gunner, Brooklyn and Vala were sitting by a fire pit looking at the night sky.

“ Just think, one more year for you two,” I commented to Brooklyn and Gunner.

“ It can’t come soon enough. I hate school!” Brooklyn said loudly. The rest of us voices our agreement then I felt a hand on my elbow.

“ Hey Josh can I take to you in private?” She asked. I looked over at our friends.

“ Be right back guys,” I said getting up from my seat and following Vala inside Brooklyn’s garage. She walked over to the counter. She picked up a wrapped box and handed it to me.

“ Happy graduation,” she said with a smile. I took it with one hand then slapped my forehead with my other hand.

“ Oh son of a bitch that reminds me!” I exclaimed, reaching into my back pocket and handing her a small black velvet box. “ I nearly forgot about that.”

“ Open them at the same time?” Vala asked.

" We really are pathetic," I said with a smirk. We both opened our gifts, my box contained a framed picture of when I had won the TSW World Championship with Vala expertly photoshopped behind me, flipping me off. It was the best gift I had ever received. Her box contained a gold necklace with a sapphire.

“ How did you get this?!” Vala asked admiring the jewelry.

“ Some website for a store that was going out of business, I got it for eighty percent off. Still cost a pretty penny but when you’re the champion, you have a little money to throw around.” I examined the framed photo then noticed an envelope tapped to the back of it.

“ What’s this?” I asked starting to remove it from the picture frame.

“ Not yet,” Vala yelped “ Read that when you’re by yourself!” I was perplexed but nodded, setting the picture down on a counter. Vala put her necklace on and walked closer to me.

“ Look Josh, I don’t know what’s going to happen to us. I’m going to the police academy soon, you’re going to keep branching out into other wrestling promotions. I don’t know how much more time we have left together. So I want to enjoy whatever time I have left with you.”

“ So do I,” I responded.

“ So come on, let’s not waste any time." When I got home that morning I went to my room and slunk to the floor. How am I supposed to tell her?

I spent nearly every waking moment with Vala in the following days, wanting to spend every second with her. Then, at the end of the day I would go to my room, lock the door, and sit on my bed staring at the framed picture thinking about how my days in Montana were numbered.

One night I had gone for a drive. One good thing about living in Montana is it’s the perfect state for people who don’t want to be found. It’s really one with long roads between neighborhoods. I had parked out of the way and was walking around in a clearing.

“ The fuck am I doing? The fuck am I doing?” I asked myself over and over again. “ I feel like I’m making the right choice but I know it’s the wrong choice but it’s wrong because it feels so right.” I stopped pacing and looked at the clear night sky. “ What am I supposed to do?!” I yelled.

Silence followed my question as I stood there, my head bowed, breathing in and out hard. The lack of any sort of audible answer made me chuckle. “ I don’t know what I expected. But I suppose I’ll find the answer in my own time.”

I got no sleep that night when I got home. My mind was too much of a whirlwind. Once again I noticed the envelope Vala had requested I read when I was on my own. I had totally forgotten about it and my interest was piqued. I slowly opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of folded up notebook paper. I unfolded it and started to read.

Dear Josh,

I was hesitant on whether I should write this or not. This past year I have been with you has been one of the best years of my life. When my dad died, I fell into a dark place. For a brief time, I wasn’t sure I wanted to live anymore. But then, you managed to bring me back. I will always be grateful for that.

So thanks for everything. When I’m with you, I feel like nothing can get to me. I know we are too young to seriously consider anything major but I never want to leave your side. And who knows, maybe one day you and I will seal the deal for good. I know I’d quite like that.

Vala.

“ Damn it,” I whispered as I read it again and again. As if my choice wasn’t hard enough. Just then I got a phone call from Vala.

“ Hello?” I said once I answered the call.

“ Josh, can I come see you? We need to talk,” her tone was guarded and hard.

“ Uh, sure,” I responded.

“ Okay I’ll be over in a few minutes,” Vala hung up leaving me to wonder what this was about. Vala arrived at Gunner’s house ten minutes later and I went out front to greet her. I stopped short when I saw she had tears in her eyes.

“ What’s wrong?” I asked.

“ Not here,” she said pushing past me and walked towards the house. Confused I followed Vala to my room. Once I walked in she sat in my bed and looked at me.

“ I’m pregnant,” she said flatly. I felt the ground dip below me and I had to grab a chair to steady myself.

“ What?” I asked.

“ I said I’m pregnant,” Vala said again folding her arms across her chest.

“ But we used protection,” I said, still unable to wrap my brain around what she was saying.

“ You know that’s doesn’t one hundred percent eliminate the risk,”

“ Still,” I said then changed the subject “ Have you told your mom?”

“ Ya know I thought about that. But she was my age when she had me, she’s given me lecture after lecture about being careful. And you know it’s weird, I just don’t feel like having my mom kill me,” she said rolling her eyes. “ And I’d prefer if she didn’t kill you,”

“ Yeah, dying might be an issue,” we exchanged a smile but only for a moment.

“ So what are we going to do?” I asked.

“ I have no idea. I’m so scared,” Vala said hugging her knees to her chest.

“ Well, whatever you decide to do, I’ll support you. And if you choose to keep it, I’ll be there for you.” Vala stood up.

” No matter what happens, I’m keeping the baby Josh.” She said.

“ What about the police academy?”

" I’ll figure it out.”

“ Well, I can’t let you do this alone. I’ll help out any way I can.”

“ Thanks Josh. You know I’m very relieved I told you because now I know no matter what, at least we will have each other.” I didn’t say anything, only responding with a nod. She had no idea I was contemplating leaving if only she knew how off her faith in me was. Vala left a few minutes later, promising she’d call me later. As for me, that was the moment I really started to hate myself.

A couple of months later I sat in the locker room in the biggest arena in Montana, the First Interstate Bank arena better known as the Metra, putting on my ring gear. In any other situation I would feel elated. I was about to wrestle in the most well-known arena in Montana, about to wrestle during the week of the state fair. Thousands upon thousands would be watching my last match for TSW. But I couldn’t help but feel terrible. I was going to be leaving in a few days and I still hadn't told Vala. But I couldn’t hope to help her wrestling in small federations making only a few hundred dollars a match.

“ Ready?” I heard Gunner ask. I looked up to see Gunner had walked in the locker room. I stood up and put the TSW World Heavyweight Championship, the championship I had held since December 17th around my waist. This is the last time I will ever wear this title, August 15th.

“ I can’t believe you’re really leaving,” Gunner said.

“ Me either. But I have to,” I said. My misery was compounded when I realized I had been the one to say the four of us would be together forever shortly before Vala and I had graduated yet here I was, about to wrestle my very last match in TSW before moving to Nevada. I felt like the biggest hypocrite to ever live.

“ I’m happy for you,” Gunner said sincerely “ I just hope I can join you once I graduate.”

“ I’ll tell them about you and Brooklyn once I get there,” I promised. We first bumped each other then headed to the backstage area. Travis and Brooklyn met us by the curtain. Travis walked forward to shake my hand.

“ Alright Josh, this is it. I’m sorry to see you go but I couldn’t be more proud of you. Just don’t forget the rules for leaving.”

“Although it is time for you to go, you must swear to live the best life you can possibly imagine. That means, living your life to its fullest. May God keep you always. May you always have a strong foundation. May you get everything out of this life you have ever wanted. Never forget your TSW family. Treasure them as long as you live. Finally, may you stay forever young.” I recited, already getting choked up. Travis nodded and pulled me in for a big hug as Brooklyn’s theme began to play.

She went through the curtain to a loud roar from the fans. Once her theme died down Gunner’s theme began to play. He gave me a nod then went through the curtain. I looked around the backstage area, wanting to take in every detail, commit every bit of it to memory. I was so focused I didn’t notice Ultranumb playing. I took a breath and went through the curtain.

The Metra was sold out. I stood on the stage, looking at the sea of humanity. A tear came to my eye, as memories of going to concerts and Indoor football games came to my mind. I wiped my eyes and started down the ramp. I spotted Vala in her usual spot in the front tow. Normally I’d walk over to her and talk but this time I simply walked by. I couldn’t do it this time, it would kill me.

I got in the ring and zoned out during the introductions. Almost running on autopilot I handed the referee my championship belt. As I watched the referee hold the title up, I thought about just running away. Running and hiding. The bell rang and the match was on. Me, Gunner and Brooklyn looked at each other as different sections of fans chanted our names individually.

I was on autopilot the entire match. Everything was a blur to me. I was going through the motions, not being able to summon up any extra emotion for the match. The match went on for thirty minutes full of false finishes. For the ending of the match I landed the Desti-Knee on Brooklyn only to turn around for Gunner to hit me with a jumping DDT. Gunner headed to the top rope and landed the Red Arrow. I let the tears I had been holding in as the referee started to count.

“ One, two, three!”

“ I’m going to miss you Josh. Thank you for everything. I love you brother.” Gunner said into my ear.

“ I love you too,” I responded. Gunner stood up and held up the TSW World Heavyweight Championship. He and Brooklyn hauled me to my feet and the three of us hugged for several moments.

“ Thanks for everything guys. This isn’t goodbye. I promise this isn’t goodbye,” I said, unable to hold back my tears. Brooklyn and Gunner said nothing, as reluctant to break apart as I was. Finally they let go and the three of us held up Gunner’s hands in victory. Not being able to handle being in the ring a moment longer I got out of the ring and hurried back to my locker room. I spent forty-five minutes in the shower, ignoring the ice-cold water, just staring at the wall. It was over, my time in TSW was finished. Best two years of my life. I’ll always treasure my time here.

I sat in the airport a few days later, almost ready to board. I stared at my phone blankly, not wanting to type the text but I had to. With trembling hands I started my final text to Vala.

“ Vala, it’s me. I know I haven’t talked to you in a few days and I’m sorry about that. But there’s something I’ve been trying to tell you but haven’t had the nerve. I am leaving for Las Vegas, I got offered a job at Sin City Wrestling. I know you’re carrying our child and I promise I will send you whatever money I can. But I’ve got to do this. One day you’ll understand. For now, it’s over. I’m sorry.” I sent the text then deleted her number, not wanting to see her reply. Taking a shaking breath I boarded my plane, never hating myself more than now.