I walked into my house hesitantly. I had always struggled to see this house as my home. It just felt too stiff, as if I were unwelcome. I chalked it up to me not believing in the family religion. To me, TSW was my home, it was where I felt safe and at ease. Whether it was at the Shrine or at the wrestling school I was free to be me. Here, in this house, there was nothing but tension. My parents and siblings were good people but they were so hung up on their beliefs it was their be all and end all.
Sighing I hung my jacket up and tried to tiptoe up to my room. However, my dad met me at the foot of the stairs.
“ Josh there you are. I was hoping to talk to you,” he said putting a hand on my shoulder.
” Sure dad,” I said. My dad had brown hair with gray mixed in, clean-shaven, and kind gray eyes. He had always been approachable and had always been willing to help me. But I knew he wished for more from me. I had never shown the same level of devotion to our religion as Mark did, nor was I a super athlete like Noel. I always did just okay in school and I had never shown interest in anything our church approved of.
“ Your brother completed his training and was raised from apprentice to priest today.” My dad continued.
“ Really? That’s cool,” I said, genuinely happy for him. “ I’m sure he’s very happy.”
“ We are going to Hawaii next Monday to celebrate. We’ll be gone all next week.”
“ Oh,” I said. “ I wish I had known before, I can’t get a week off on such short notice.”
“ Are you sure?” My dad asked. “ We should all be go, this is a big deal for Mark.”
“ I understand that dad. But they really need help at the farm, they have no one that could fill in for me for a week on such short notice,” I said. In reality I was sure Travis would let me go. But I didn’t want to take a week off from wrestling.
“ Even so, I insist you come with us,” my dad replied folding his arms. “ I could call Travis for you if you want.”
“ No! I mean, no,” I said. “ Maybe we can push back the trip? So that I can get the time off? You haven’t paid for the tickets have you?”
My father pursed his lips, and thought for a moment before nodding.
” I suppose that could work. I’m sorry Josh, I should have checked with you. I’ll tell Mark the trip is slightly postponed.”
” No need. I’ll talk to him when I go congratulate him,” I said flashing my dad a smile. My dad returned the smile before walking towards the living room.
I went down the hall to Mark’s room to tell him the news. He was slightly disappointed at having to wait for the trip but understood.
“ Thanks for going through the effort to make this work,” he said, gripping me in a tight hug. “ It means a lot to me man.” I hugged him back.
” I wouldn’t miss it. I know you’ve been wanting this for a long time,” I said sincerely. Despite my own unbelief, I was happy for him. Mark was still my brother after all. I pulled away as Noel walked in to congratulate Mark.
“ The three of us should do something tonight,” she announced.
“ I’ve got some money,” I replied. “ Why don’t we all go see a movie or something?”
“ Sounds good to me,” Mark said, sitting on his computer chair and twirling around. “ What should we see?”
” You get to choose. Just make sure it’s nothing sinful, father,” Noel said in a teasing tone.
“ It’s going to take me a while to get used to that,” Mark replied.
“ Well you better get used to it because I’m going call you that every chance I get,” Noel said with a smirk. “ And you know mom and dad will as well.
” I’ll still call you Mark,” I said. “ At least when we’re home. Calling my brother father anywhere but church would just be weird.” Mark smiled and bumped fists with me.
” Thanks bro. Just be careful who hears it. You know how some people on this town can be if you call a priest by their name.”
” I mean, it is a sin,” Noel added.
“ True. But as a priest I can forgive sins, or rather, once I go through the ceremony this Sunday I will be able to. So I can forgive it,” Mark said standing up. “ Now, let’s go see that movie.”
As the week progressed I trained extra hard for my match at Thursday’s big event. I had been wrestling in TSW for five months, mostly just squash matches as they wanted to build me up as an unstoppable force. This was to ultimately lead to a match between myself and Denver City Championship Wrestling’s TV champion, Sheridan Müller. I had watched a few tapes of hers and I was in awe. She was capable of suplexing grown men twice her size and some times triple her body weight.
“ Josh!” Came the harsh reply. I woke up with a start. Travis had shaken me awake and was giving me a hard look.
“ I told you to help set up the ring.”
“ I did” I mumbled.
“No, you said, yes sir, sat down and went to sleep.”
“ Oh damn” I muttered and started to get up but Travis indicated that I should sit down. He looked around the wrestling school.
“ Alright, people take a break, get out of here for now.”
Once everyone has left, Travis pulled up a chair and sat in front of me.
“ Son you alright?”
“ Fine,” I said, unable to look him in the eye.
“ Look me in the eyes,” he said.
I did as I was told and found that I was unable to break Travis’ stare.
“ I’ve known you since you were five years old. You have always been a good friend to Brooklyn, and truth be told I’ve always seen you as a son. I know when something is bothering you. Tell me, what’s wrong?”
I sighed and leaned my head against the wall.
“ I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m am starting to worry my parents are gonna find out what I’m doing here.”
“ Still haven’t told them I take it?” Travis asked.
“ They would be furious. You know how involved they are with the church. If they knew I was breaking one of the tenets, I’d be kicked out. You know what the Testament of Glever says of those who dare disobey.”
Travis said nothing at first then sighed” sorry to hear that. Go ahead and take today off. Be at the Shrine by noon Thursday. And if you ever need anything just tell me.”
“ Thanks,” I said shaking his hand and leaving. Days crept by at a snail’s pace until it was time for the match. I pretended this was a match between mega star wrestlers, not two novices who would be performing for a couple hundred people. But I wasn’t concerned about the meager number of fans that wikis be watching. I had arrived at Night of the Fallen, my first TSW big event. And I was either going to put on match of the night and wind up in the hospital trying.
I sat in the locker room, tightening a black knee pad. I stood up and exited, headed for the Gorilla position. Awaiting me was a 5ft 2 girl wearing black MMA shorts and a white top. Her orange hair was in a bun and she was wrapping black gloves on her hands. She and Brooklyn were laughing about something when I walked up to them.
“ Hey Sheridan,” I said.
“ Hey, how’s it going?” She said in her German accent.
“ Pretty good. I’m looking forward to our match.”
“ So am I. Or should I say, I look forward to throwing you around like a rag doll.” She said with a smirk and a wink.” You sure you’re fine with putting me over?”
“ Yeah sure. Long as we have a good match.”
Sheridan grinned “ I’m sure we can manage. Hope you’re ready cause we’re on first.”
Just then Riot by Three Days Grace started to play. Brooklyn gave me a fist bump to wish me good luck before I walked through the curtain. I had never seen the Shrine so full, every space a person could sit it stand was occupied. The cheers from the crowd were overwhelming, they were more like roars of support. I climbed in the ring and waited for Sheridan. Surfacing by Slipnot began to play and the cheers grew even louder; Sheridan was very popular and it showed by the reaction the fans showed her. She got in the ring, flashed me a cocky grin and the bell rang.
Things started to go wrong from the start. We went to lock up before she got behind me. She executed a German Suplex but something happened to cause me to land on top of my head. Sheridan had mounted me and was raining down fists for the fans.
“ Shit Josh are you okay?!” She asked.
I squinted at her, blood running down my chin.
“ Well, I’m having a little trouble focusing and you busted my lip open,” I said, trying to keep my tone light.
“ Shit!” Sheridan said. She backed up so the medial professional last could take a look at me. The fans started to boo, thinking they would call the match. I told the doctor I was fine and I could continue. I stood up and rushed Sheridan.
“ German!” I shouted a little too loudly, surely the fans at the front row heard. She nodded and circled around me, grabbed me behind the waist, and suplexed me again. Again I landed on the top of my head. Our match didn’t get much better from there, in fact it got worse. I kneed Sheridan in the nose too hard, causing blood to spurt from her nose. Sheridan German suplexed me several more times, each time my vision grew fuzzier and fuzzier and I became less coherent.
I’m not sure when the end came, towards the end Sheridan was forced to carry the match all on her own. The fans had soured on the match booing loudly. That was the worst part, the fact they didn’t like our match, how they seemed to hate it.
“ Just stay down,” Sheridan whispered in my ear before hitting me with a Bridging German Suplex and the referee counted the three. As soon as the count has been made I felt arms helping me help out of the ring. By the time we reached the backstage area, I had passed out, unaware of everyone scrambling to get me help.
“ Josh! Josh! You with us?!”
I woke with a start and blinked onto the light. I was on my back, on a cot staring up at a crowd of faces. Sheridan, Brooklyn, Travis, and a doctor were the four I could make out.
“ What the?” I mumbled.
“ You honestly had me worried,” Travis said, “ right after your match I ran you to Billings Clinic.”
“ Josh I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” Sheridan said. Her nostrils had tissues to block the bleeding and one of her eyes was swollen shut from when I elbowed it too harshly.
“ It’s fine, nature of the business,” I said “ Looks like I did a number on you as well. Sorry.”
I tried to sit up but the doctor held me down” easy Josh, I need to make sure you’re alright. “
“ I’m fine” I protested.
“ I’ll be the judge of that.”
I’m not sure how long I sat there being checked up on before the doctor shook his head.
“ You’ve got a concussion son. Looks like you won’t be wrestling for a while.”
“ How long?” I asked.
“ Minimum three months. Hope you like coffee because you’re going to need to drink a lot of it tonight.” The doctor smiled sympathetically “ You’re going to have to stay up all night tonight. Luckily It’s just a minor one so once you heal you should be fine to keep wrestling. But I do need to call your parents so I can explain the situation.”
I winced” I don’t suppose there’s any way I can talk you out of this?”
“ Sorry son. I’ll be back.”
I let out several curses as the doctor walked away. It seemed like an eternity before the doctor came back holding a phone.
“ Someone wants to talk to you.” He said handing me the phone.
Dreading what was to come I put the phone to my ear “ hello?”
“ Josh” my mother’s voice was ice cold, a stark contrast to her normally warm tone.
“ Hi mom” I said nervously.
“ I’m coming to pick you up” was all she said with a click. I handed the doctor back his phone.
” I am so dead” I groaned.
The doctor chuckled and started to walk away but stopped. He turned around and gave me a sympathetic smile.
“ You know, it takes a special kind of man to pursue his dreams like what you’re doing. I actually wanted to be a singer, but I was told I just didn’t have it. So I decided to become a doctor. There isn’t a day I don’t regret my choice.”
“ Why are you telling me this?” I asked.
” Because I’m guessing you don’t have much support for your dream back home.”
” That would be an understatement,” I said with a small smile.
“ And I’m guessing you could use some encouragement. So here’s what I’ll tell you. No matter who says you can’t do it, no matter who stands in your way, do what you got to do to make your dream a reality,” the doctor said. “ Don’t spend your life wondering what if,”
” Thanks,” I said. The doctor patted me on the shoulder before leaving. I was soon discharged and met my mom in the waiting room. The temperature seemed to plummet as my mother walked up to me, face unreadable.
“ Get to the car. Now.” Having no choice but to obey I left the hospital and got in the car. Neither me nor my mother spoke on the long car ride home. When we got home, she didn’t even look at me. She just got out and slammed the door shut.
I sat in my seat a few times, willing to do whatever it took to not open the door.
“ God why do you hate me?” I whispered before forcing myself to get out of the car. I walked inside the house to see my parents waiting for me. By the looks on their faces, I could tell I was in for it.
“ So. By work you meant you were openly disobeying our Tenets,” my father said.
“ Yeah” I mumbled.
“ You went behind our back, lied to our faces. Anything else you’ve gotten into we should know about?” My mom asked.
” Well since you asked, I’m failing Spanish really bad,” I said keeping my tone light, desperate to ease some of the thick tension in the room. My parents were not amused.
“ You know what the Testament of Glever says about that type of profession,” my mom replied. “ You have disgraced your god and your family with your rebellion.”
“ I didn’t want to lie. I really didn’t,” I tried but my father interrupted.
“ If you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t have. It’s bad enough you have been living in sin but you are now making excuses for it. You need to go before God and beg for forgiveness. And you won’t be wrestling anymore. I’m sorry son, I know you like it but I will not abide by it in my house.” By his tone I knew he meant it when he said he was sorry. He wasn’t trying to crush my dream, but he was too rigid in his beliefs to realize he was doing just that.
“ Forgive me sir,” I said making sure my tone was respectful. “ But neither of those things are going to happen. You see… I don’t believe what the rest of the family believes, what this community believes.”
” How can you say that?” My mom asked, covering her mouth with her hands. “ We raised you in the church. We had you baptized as a baby. We’ve read the Testament of Glever to you over and over again as a child. How can you not believe?”
“ I just can’t believe,” I answered. “ I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
” Josh,” my dad said and I could tell he was trying his best not to yell at me. “ You know those who walk away, who chose not to believe are to be treated as if they’re dead. Are you really so set in your sin that you’ll make your own family do that?”
” Are you so set in your religion you’ll do that to your son?” I challenged. “ Just like you did with uncle Chris?!” Too late I realized I had gone too far. It wasn’t fair of me to remind my dad of his brother who had announced his departure from the church six years ago. Acting as if the man who practically raised him after his parents died had died hurt my dad.
“ I’m sorry I-“
” Get out,” my dad said. I had never seen him so cold before. “ As of now, you’re no longer my son. Joshua Samuel Woods is dead.” I looked to my mom, hoping she’d support me but she was as rigid as my dad. With tears in my eyes, I turned around and walked out of the house I had grown up in for the last time.
Numbly I walked away, not having a single direction, not a clue what to do now. My legs felt like lead, each step felt unsteady. I looked up at the night sky and asked a single question l.
“ What the hell am I even doing?” I asked the darkness.