Frustrated with myself

I felt his fingers under my chin they were long and strong so my head turned up, I didn't wanted to open my eyes but he asked what was I doing .... I wasn't surely about how too answer his question. I was childishly having a crush right there in my kitchen a few seconds later I opened carefully one of my eyes convinced that I would wake up on the sofa, but it was real! he was there with his sling lifting my face to se his mischievous smile it was actually a smirk but it gave me the impression that he knew exactly what he was doing to my stupid unmature side.

I get up asking him what he wanted trying to forget anything about me being defeated by his presence and charming looks. He wanted to ask about what happened today at the central but I didn't have much idea of what to think about it because it was a suden call and as always I do a lot of things that isn't a habitual work but helped my boss and this time was the president of the company but he has the right to decide if my inexpert opinion would matter.

I talked a lot but he ... I guessed he wasn't understanding half of what I was rambling about actually he seemed enjoying that I was so talkative. I prepared ginger tea again and offered him a hot cup. The group members haven't got even a could because I been feeding them too much ginger tea, it my favorite flavor but every time that offered a cup one or two will have some and they don't get bored because sometimes it has lemon, orange, cinnamon or even anise sometimes is sugary or with honey.

He was tired I would believe but he always resist the temptation of spending so much time sleeping or laying on a sofa. He asked me what would I do if my work stopped today.

I felt like he was trying to sort something about himself so I sincerely answered that I would return to my previous country now to get a new job and take care of Liam but if it occurs in a year or two I probably won't just would find another way to be here so he would continue this process to grow here and learn everything about this culture with a more open source from me that have been raised overseas.

The difference between us is that I have Liam he will come frist so right now having money to bring food and a home are my priorities he also have been experiencing how much he can help his family. I at some point got distant from my family because they are all very active and productive so when I became a mother they convinced that my money was more needed on myself and the baby and they have teached me how to always have savings and to keep having an income no matter what situation I came across in my lifetime.

He is young to believe my words that to think about the future and how to live without the routine he have nowadays is like having a plan B but it doesn't really matter. There is a chance or a choice to make at the present and I can understand that they are working hard and they also know that one day his growth in this industry will start to decrease but, one thing is to realize the fac1t and the other is becoming obsessed with doing so good, work so hard that could possibly hate it at some point.

I finally found how lonely they can feel sometimes because even people with good intentions can finish their peace, they have to be so isolated from the world that they feel that they have lost freedom and friends that normal people have.

-You are a very normal person, I mean you are one that have to get things done, you have a strong desire to make music that even injured it wouldn't stop you from creating more songs. I'm different, I love having responsibilities, take care after someone before me and having enough to keep me and my loved ones sane and safe. Every time I meet someone new I would observe first and then decide if in my opinion is good or toxic. But I also like being by myself I'm in peace with my defects and good points that it doesn't disturb what others have to say about it. You should be worried on how to enjoy this time were you can seat and smell the roses and keep going. Because you are not the first person having an injury at bussy times and wouldn't be the last one.

- So I'm not special to you?-

- In general you are just a talented man, since I started to live here I found myself wanting to know a ton of things about the members and now I would miss you guys if we are separated, because we spend time together we share our opinions, is a nice work related relationship... Be in peace with your life and be happy, to me if I smile every day then I'm fine- He looked a little defeated by my words - But the more you share with me about yourself and what I learned working together makes a unique space in my heart for the ones that want to be close to me the friendship, the trust, becoming loyal and fair to one another is like your group, every one push to the same direction and everything starts to work properly-

More comfortable with my speech he finished his tea and returned downstairs. I felt tired out of nowhere so cleaned a bit and checked my to do list for tomorrow before having a shower and call it a day.

The hot water was heavenly I felt so good that took the opportunity to try the new skin products that I brought in the stores I visited out of curiosity. I was ready so I took care of my face too before I left the bathroom. Once in bed I seated my phone to refill the battery for tomorrow and closed my eyes.

I was feeling hot but couldn't move properly in bed to look for a fresher side. Half awake I started to dream that someone was here but for a reason that was actually an uncomfortable situation so I finally waked up and took a look at my alarm clock. It was pretty dark so I thought that it was in the middle of the night but as I read the 2.27 am I felt an arm and a leg over me and got scared. I got my phone and used the lantern to see who was there.

I wasn't sure but definitely it was Jungkook sprawled over my bed and Taehyung holding his arm and almost falling out of the bed.

I was told that he sometimes wakes and walk around in his sleep but Ididn't thought he would come here and that someone else could be also with him so I carefully left the bed and put the two members to sleep in a more comfortable position and went to sleep with Liam.

At morning I waked the boys and got to make breakfast , they didn't returned to life until the smell of my cooking reached the room. A very shy Taehyung came out followed by a zombie because Jungkook couldn't open his eyes properly yet. I ordered them to take a seat as Liam ate his breakfast cheerfully.

- How come did the two ended up here?- I asked in my poor Korean.

- were I am? - said Jungkook almost sleeping in his seat.

- He waked me with his noises in the middle of the night, Yoongi and I found him walking around the apartment and I decided to go after him because Yoongi couldn't do much about it, as I convinced him to go back to bed he was already upstairs. I seriously tried to get him back to his bed but I was tired too and I suppose we ended sleeping together-

- I almost got smacked by you, thankfully I didn't got scared until I took a look at his sleeping face and I realized he was sleepwalking and you tried to wake him, so I went to sleep whit Liam because you guys were turning around. And Jungkook needs a sleeping study to know why he gets out of bed because he doesn't rest properly rummaging on his sleep.

They apologized before returning to their rooms to get ready for work and after cleaning up my apartment I went down to help them. Liam run to play with the colorful dominoes to pile them up and destroy the tower and start over. The boys were surprised to heard that Jungkook would end in my apartment but they also know that he doesn't do it on purpose.

After they left the apartment Yoongi asked me what I did when they came in and I told him. We were changing his linens to wash them, he suddenly made me lost my balance and I felt unceremoniously on the just made bed. I rolled to the floor to be able to be on my feet again but he was unexpectedly close again examining my face but he just bitte on his fingernails before hurry to his studio and looked himself there.

I let him be for 3 hours before it was time to have his medication so I insisted and waited until he opened up I didn't pressured him with my curiosity and was sweet with him so he would sort out what was bothering him.

As the guys returned he finally was out of his studio with a hurtful aura that perturbed my soul.

Liam was running around and stopped to get Yoongi's attention and hide behind him. He patted his head carefully before rushing into the main room hand in hand so they weren't caught by Jimin that were playing around with my baby.

The boys had made some time today to decorate their house and decorate the spot they use to do selfies and specially decorations for their studios were they lately filmed their Vlives. Hoseok helped to move some decorations so were he used to have the camera set was the guide to set a Christmas spot.

The night was packed with laughter and joy it was around 20.00pm when I got a call from Spain. I calculated the time difference mentally as I unlocked my phone and checked the called ID and I was surprised to heard from Darren's ex.

I answered in Spanish so the group members looked at me they have heard me sometimes but in their opinions it really sounded from overseas because how different was from what they gear in America.

I felt like something was off but heard about the matter, I had divided everything in two when Darren had passed away. One half for Liam a the other to her daughter. We had decided it years ago when I got pregnant with Liam because before he only had one daughter. But we didn't have married and we bought the farm house and everything. I didn't wanted anything but Liam was in the right to be an heir like his sister. My lawyer agreed with me to sell everything and doing just two halves because I would manage my son's part, Because the farm was under my name and Darren and was acquired during our relationship and sharing everything was giving more than what his daughter should have.

They also knew exactly how much was the difference compared to what was going to be at first so even her lawyer convinced her to accept. Regardless her mother decided to call and decided to stop how it was signed and sent to be approved so in some time the money will be permanently distributed. I wanted to hang up the call but after hearing the nonsense she said because I moved overseas and they have to deal with the lawyer, she decided to change her previous agreement. I didn't even got angry I just told her to do whatever she wanted and ended the call.

I called the lawyer because it was around lunch time there and if he couldn't get my call mow I will have to try again tomorrow at some different hour because he doesn't attend clients in the afternoon. I got lucky and after some warm greetings I told him what was happening. He thanked that I called him so quickly so he could be ready to any legal action he had to do as my representative and because it was difficult to be traveling nowadays.

I wanted to go to my room and cry, because I never imagined something like that happening when they will be receiving more than they should. The boys were curious since my smile disappeared during my calls. I told them because I wanted everything out of my mind and after sharing my sadness about the incident I felt a little better because they had gone through situations were the money they have been moving around are big numbers and unfortunately people have their own terms on what was they think that they should be able to get from working with them.

I felt tired after putting my lovely son to sleep and went to the terrace to get some fresh air, it was cold but I needed something to change my sadness go away to overcome the new situation. I recognized that we weren't rich to consider our house and little savings a heritage to duel about. We worked hard together for our family and future and I believed that any of us would have such a love for money.

Jimin was the most emotional to understand my sadness, the guys have so much to say about as Namjoon translated my words. Thinking about how much they care about me and Liam helped my broken heart but the tears seemed to fall involuntary as images of Darren telling everyone how we decided to proceed after our death.