Chapter 24

"Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard. Happiness was never meant to hold. Be careful child, light the fuse and get away, 'cause happiness throws a shower of sparks."

---

Impossibility exists in the form of four-letter words.

Home, love, hope.

Hope is associated with optimism, with the light at the end of a dark tunnel that stretches on for eternity.

Hope is a word created to make the world seem a little less cruel, to show the darkness in a little more light.

People tell you to hope for the best while preparing for the worst, when it is clear that the worst will always happen, no matter how hard you may try to overwrite darkness with light, to paint a black canvas white.

Hope is an illusion, a way to show everything bad in a good light, a way to have something to look forward to when you're eventually getting the short end of the stick anyway.

I have seen hope.

I have seen the way Chris leaves the key to the front door hidden outside, in a place known only to him and dad, hoping that one day dad will return home.

I have seen the way mom keeps her eyes closed every so often, hoping that the next time she opens her eyes things will go back to where they were, and she would be woken from this nightmare.

I have seen hope in all its uselessness.

Chris always believed in hope, as he believed in home and love, and so I too believed.

It didn't take me long to realise that the world is better as it is, to learn to find comfort in the night, to find my way through the darkness. The world is, and will always be dark, and there is no point trying to change that.

Then I look at Kyle, and everything brightens up. Shadows fade away, and the room is filled with only him, and the space between us.

He smiles at me. It is small and hesitant, but the happiness is clear in his eyes.

"Thank you."

He leans in, his voice sincere and I am aware of the space between our lips.

"Thank you for giving this a chance."

He is grateful, hopeful, but I cannot help the nagging feeling that I have started something that will only end up in smoke.

He then closes the gap and we lock lips. The kiss is clumsy with my inexperience, but pleasant nonetheless.

I don't think I will ever tire of kissing, of touching, of this infatuation.

Kyle is warm, comforting and feels like home. We finally pull away, but he doesn't stop staring at me, and I cannot tear my gaze away.

"Are we dating, then?"

The question comes out slowly, hesitantly and seeing the insecurity on his face is akin to seeing snow in summer.

I nod, the gesture just as slow and hesitant. He smiles.

Perhaps we are rushing into this, perhaps we are not yet ready, but nothing has felt this right for a very long time.

He asks me another question, his voice uncertain, but a little more hopeful.

"Can I call you my boyfriend?"

Boyfriend.

The word is foreign to my ears, a word I never thought I would hear, or use.

Growing up, I always wondered what it would feel like to fall in love, to have a girlfriend, to be someone else's boyfriend.

Are we boyfriends?

I shake my head, and his smile drops as his lips turn downward into a small pout, but he hides his disappointment and nods in understanding.

I try, but I cannot help the laugh that escapes me- carefree, amused- as I capture his lips with my own. It is a strange feeling, to be the one starting a kiss. It is almost as if what I desire is within reach.

I pull away.

"Am I not your mate?"

His lips form into an 'O', and I cannot help the thought that he is adorable in his naivety as he smiles wide at me, pulling me into another kiss that swallows my next round of laughter.

I feel light, so light even the weight of the world cannot drag me down.

He finally breaks the kiss and holds my face in his hands.

"God, I love you."

Does he?

Does he really love me, or is it just a strong infatuation that he holds, a side effect of the mating bond?

It is not impossible, but sincerity shines in his eyes and I know he believes he's in love.

A pang of regret hits me as I realise I may never be able to say it back.

Are all relationships filled with so much uncertainty?

"I'm sure God loves you too." I reply, and push down the dark thoughts that start to resurface.

"You know, I haven't seen you in your wolf form."

He blinks at me and nods, as if he too had not realised it.

"Do you want to meet him?"

I nod, my gut churning with anticipation. Aiden's wolf was beautiful, and I cannot imagine how Kyle's wolf will look like.

Will he be as beautiful as Kyle in his human form, will he have the same eyes?

"His name is Wolf."

I blink at him.

"What?"

"My wolf. His name is Wolf. We were both too lazy to come up with a name for him."

We?

Kyle notices my confusion and chuckles.

"Our wolves are separate beings in our bodies, and are the representation of our instincts. They have their own personalities and names, and mine is named Wolf."

I am still confused but nod anyway. I have the feeling I won't be able to understand it even with further explanation.

Kyle stands up, and the space beside me feels cold and empty as I am left alone on the bed.

He fidgets nervously in front of me, as if indecisive and I stare back at him. Is there something wrong?

"I'll be right back." He finally says, and walks into the attached bathroom.

I frown. Why would he need to-?

"Wolves don't wear clothing, do they?"

Oh.