Ch69. Shocking Iwa 1

The interrogation continued and they got more information from Barbo... mostly about Iwa and its defenses but nothing too substantial as the man was fiercely loyal and would rather go through torture than give them the important details. The seal of truth was quite handy and the man probably blabbed way more than he wanted while not even noticing it but nevertheless, he wouldn't budge when Rei asked about sensitive things like the times of patrol changes and seal defenses...

It's not like they needed those anyway. And Barbo didn't need to be so secretive about it either! Who would they show the information to? The Mizukage? As if! The old coot didn't deserve to know their findings! No, Rei had something better in mind. Something immediate. The Tsuchikage wanted to hunt them down so he would need to be punished for it! Konan wouldn't have it any other way and Rei wasn't about to let bygones be bygones. After all, he wasn't the only target. Konna was one too and that made him mad. That's why they now stood not a half kilometer away from Iwagakure, observing it through their senses.

"Do you really think it is a smart idea?" Konan asked a bit worried about what they were gonna do. She wanted to do it even more than Rei as she wasn't the forgiving sort but for now, this appeared to be quite a risk. She didn't want Rei to be in danger so she had to at least try to be the voice of reason.

"Smart? Of course not!" Rei snorted. "It is batshit insane and that's why it will work." His lips spread into a Cheshire grin. "Especially since we are going to do it by our own rules." He said and took out two scrolls, making Konan widen her eyes at what that meant.

"You want to use 'that'!?" She asked in bewilderment. These scrolls were their last resort and only to be used when they needed to run! To use them here... Konan suddenly stopped in her tracks as her mind understood what this meant when she added into equation Rei's personality. "You... these are not your 'mayhem scrolls', these are different." She stated, smirking as she saw Rei shrug.

"I had a bit of time and decided to prepare a show for our rocky comrades. After all, someone has to show them what it means to have the will of rock!" Rei snickered. Indeed, these scrolls were not his 'mayhem scrolls' as Konan dubbed them. No, they were his 'mayhem scrolls' v2, specially made for this occasion!

"Should I use mine too though?" Konan asked with furrowed eyebrows. "You know, to make bigger numbers."

"Nah. It's good. I made sure to seal away enough. We will have a different job. We can't really kill the old goblin so the punishment would have to be something impactful yet delicate. I know exactly the thing!" Rei excitedly exclaimed, making Konan purse her lips in expectation.

...

Onoki sat in his office doing the paperwork as was his damned routine. The day he became the Tsuchikage will be forever etched into his memory as the most glorious day of his existence... but it will also be the most sorrowful day for him. The day he forsook his soul to the devil of the bureaucracy. The day when the strong, handsome, capable, and most importantly handsome guy he was... changed into a grumbling man who had to sit on a special chair for his head to be above the table when giving orders. But that wasn't his main problem. He thought being a Kage would be a bit more... interesting. But it is not! It's an almost painful existence where he has to balance the entire village, its clans, ninja, and civilians to coexist peacefully! This was a dictatorship and he was on the top but even then he had so much work! At least he has a free hand in how he does things.

As he was about to fill his last paper from an entire stash... the entire office shook, making the stash he had deposited on the edge of the table fall down and fly all around his office in the flurry of papers. Onoki watched with an expression like a deer in headlights as this happened, his mind refusing to process that the pile he spent the last two days perfecting to his utmost ability was now destroyed. Just like that. In but a second. As he watched his paper-covered office, Onoki genuinely thought that even his Dust style could cause so much damage to him as this sight. His spirit was literary in pieces!

Just then, his secretary barged inside of his office with a startled expression, desperately gasping for breath. Onoki turned to her with his gaze that resembled a dead fish and lifelessly asked. "What?"

The secretary tried to quickly calm down as she heaved up, her arms on her knees. Hearing Tsuchikage's question, she hurriedly exclaimed. "Tsuchikage-sama! We are being invaded!"

Onoki heard her and his mind stopped. His temper instantly flared but he forcefully calmed himself down and his expression turned to stoical seriousness. "Who is invading us?" He asked the secretary. Hurrying off to the battlefield would be idiocy. He first needed to know what exactly was going on and then organize his troops. No matter the situation, he was the Kage. Not a common ninja. His duties lied with leadership rather than fighting on the front-lines. He was the trump card of the village, after all! When he asked the question, he could see the secretary momentarily squirm and his temper flared again, this time on the woman. She said they were being invaded and he knew she would never dare to joke about such a matter so why was she now hesitating? "Speak woman! We are burning time!"

The secretary took a deep breath to calm herself and her professionalism took over. Only that made her able to say the next part with a straight face without cringing. "We are under attack by monkeys in Hokage robes." She said stoically, and even she was surprised she didn't actually blush.

As Onoki heard her, his mind stopped for a second, giving her a blank gaze. "Come again?" He asked unsurely, briefly glancing towards the calendar, wondering if it is 1st April already.

(Author: Yup, they have those there!)

"We are under attack by monkeys in Hokage robes." The secretary repeated in a deadpan tone.

"Are you sure it isn't a prank?" Onoki stated dryly. He was too old to deal with some snot-nosed brat vying for attention! That job was for his son! Why would they bother him with monkeys dressed like the Hokage? That could be the national joke!

The secretary nodded and started describing what was happening. "They trashed the marketplace, heavily graffitied the surrounding mountains and buildings, strewn the underwear of the villagers all across the village, many mothers complain they stole lollipops from their kids, the ninja are getting caught in some sticky traps that are making them glued to each other, the worst part is that when the ninja try to attack them, they are ganged upon by ten others. They cause all sorts of mischief but worse yet, we had reports of them in secret divisions where they mess up archives and libraries... The violent shaking of the Kage Tower was also caused by them." They both understood the danger they were facing if these monkeys got into restricted archives of various divisions and Onoki scowled as he now had the culprit for his wasted paperwork. The secretary wasn't finished though. With a grim face, she continued. "It all started an hour ago and by now, there must be at least a thousand of these monkeys. We call it an attack because..." The secretary gulped. "Because they change to rock upon defeat, not unlike Rock Clone Jutsu. It is definitely the work of some ninja. But surprisingly they don't aim to seriously cripple Iwagakure. If they did, they had many opportunities so far. Especially since they appeared in hundreds and our ninja's first reaction was to roll on the ground in laughter." Her lips slightly twitched upwards. "These monkeys are basically trolling us..."

Onoki opened his mouth but instantly closed it as he sprang up on his feet when he understood what he was just told, his vein pulsing. "Call for the leaders of each division asap! We gotta start counter-attacking these trolling monkeys! Nobody is going to troll my village!"