Star Gazing

When I finally arrive home, all I want to do is go to sleep. I step through the door and plan to just crash on my bed, but luck is not on my side. Stopping for a second to rub my eyes, I see my mother standing before me. Before I can greet her I'm in trouble.

"Astra Briana Cyrene! Where the hell are the groceries?"

Oh lord here we go again.

"I'm sorry?"

"I asked you to pick up groceries. Where are they?"

Checking my phone, I see that she texted me on my way home. I must have been too distracted to see.

"I'm sorry mom. I'm not feeling well today. I didn't see your text. I'll make sure to pick them up tomorrow."

"Why is it that whenever you want something you find a way to get it, but whenever I want something you can never do it?"

"I'm really sorry mom. I didn't intend to do this."

"You never do! I'm sick and tired of how lazy you are! You need to do something with your life. If you're not going to go to school do something else-"

As she talks I can feel myself nodding off. I try to pay attention, but my head keeps drooping and I have to snap it back up every few seconds. What will it take for her to let me just go to sleep?

"Astra are you even paying attention to me?"

"Yes mother."

"What did I just say?"

"If I don't get it together I will go nowhere in life."

Continuing her rant I go back to another world. I have music playing in my head while her voice is background noise.

"I tried so hard and got so far

but in the end it doesn't even matter.

I had to fall to lose it all

but in the end it doesn't even matter."

I play the song over and over in my head until the noise finally stops. I dial down the inner music to hear what my mother is saying.

"I'm only telling you this because I love you."

"Yes, mother."

She starts to talk about some of her friends and all of the latest gossip. I couldn't care less so I nod when it's appropriate, and turn up the music in my head. When I grow too exhausted, I excuse myself and go to my room. Hopefully she's not too upset that I left. I change into an oversized t-shirt and polar fleece pants. I lay down and stare into space. I don't feel anything. It's all numb to me. I almost wish Will was instigating something. At least this way I'd feel something. I don't know how long I lay there. All I do is stare into nothing until it turns black, and then I hear my alarm going off seconds later. I want to hit snooze, but then I remember that Will wanted me to run a mystery errand for him. I roll out of bed to get dressed.

It's so early. I hate mornings. I stand in front of the mirror half awake, while I start the process of getting ready. I really wonder what I did to make Cassiopeia hate me so much. She told me why but they're all just a bunch of assumptions. Where did she get them from? Should I ask her? Would she even listen to me or is it too late to talk it out after all the words we've shared? Done washing my face, I go to pick out my outfit. I usually want to leave a good impression, but this morning I don't care. As long as it matches and I can wear my tennis shoes, I don't care. I end up going black on black. Black t-shirt with blue jeans, black tennis shoes, and black ball cap. I pull my hair into a ponytail, and add my favorite charm bracelet. While I open the drawer to grab it, I see the necklace Alexi gave me. Picking it up I take some time to evaluate it. I don't know why I keep it. Reminds me of him. I can't help but think back to that first night.

I could feel his lips on my neck when I heard a few guys cheering us on. How could I forget we're still in public and he's practically a stranger. What was wrong with me? Why was I feeling like this?

"Stop stop stop."

He ddidn't seem to hear me, so I gently pushed him away.

"You're blushing."

I felt my cheeks and they're almost as heated as his glances.

"Whew. I was not expecting that at all."

"There's more where that came from."

"Is that so?"

"I have a room 5 minutes away from here. Want to come with me and get a drink?"

Oh my.

"I think I've given you the wrong impression. I'm not that type of girl. I'm sorry I need to go."

Before I do something stupid, I started walking away and he catched up to me.

"Wait a second. The sun is going to rise in about an hour. I'd hate to watch it alone. Can you stay with me?"

I thought about it for a minute. I missed looking at the stars without fear and I knew this guy won't let anything happen to me.

"I'll stay until the sun rises. Then I have to go."

We sat down on the cold sand and gazed at the stars. Whenever I stare at the stars, I feel a sense of calm. There were few things that can compare to the beauty of it all.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why did you come here tonight?"

"Someone in my family betrayed my trust. They revealed my darkest secret and I didn't know what to do. So I got into my car and just started driving and I ended up here."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. I'm not going to lie, it still hurts but at least now I know who I can and cannot trust. But enough about that. It's a beautiful night and we get to gaze at the beautiful scenery. Let's enjoy it while we can."