Sophomore Year: Dads Gone and So is Mom

I cant exactly remember the exact ti.e he left but arou d my sophomore year my dad officially moved out and got a new girlfriend. My parents gpt divorced in 2012 but still lived together and was a kissy but abput my sophomore year he moved and and moved in with his girlfriend. Well my mom was heartbroken and the way she coped was drinking. She would drink almost all the time when she got off work and have a couple shots before going to work. she then got in a car crash on the way to my brother graduation,she was sober for my brother the other car ran a stop sign and hit her. So then because she didn have a car and didnt need to worry about driving she would drink more. From the moment she woke up until she came home from work and passed out in her bed she would be drinking. People at work would even but her shots to stay on her good side. Some nights it was bad and i would sleep with her to make sure nothing bad happened ro her throughout the night. Her room had empty cigarette packs, empty firball shots and different sizes of empty wild turkey bottles. She had different phases when she drank and it would start off funny like jer cracking jokes yr but minutes later inqould be sitting their wanting to cry or scream. One night my aunt and her boyfriend came over and drank with my mom and she got really drunk. They helped pu my mom to bed and as they were getting to bed my mom said " Wheres blank?" (saying blank cause i dont wanna use my dads name) So my aunt looked at me then looked back and my mom and said " Hes at home" my mom said "hes not here so hes not home? where blank?" my aunt replied " Hes at home with his girlfriend he dosent live her anymore" my mom replied " Whybisnt he here with me? what did i do wrong? all i ever did was love him?" And i at this point i broke down i got up went ro my room and bawled my eyes out. While my parents werent happy together they still loved each other. theu were married for a little over 20 years and had 4 kids together so its not like you can just forget about each other. I understand theu are better apart but it juat hurt seiing my mom in that kinda pain and i was the only one who really saw her like that.

She qouldnt wanna seem week infront of my brothers or anyone so behind closed doors i wpuld be the one to hole her as she cried and explain to her that it hurts but ahe still has us four kids and were not going anywhere. And it was juat hard becuase people didnt know her drinking was as bad as it was so when me or my brother would take away her drinks and hide it or dump it out they would get upset or if she went out drinking with friends they would get upset and annoyed and people would tell us that we dont understand the kinda stress our mom is under and going put for one night and having andrink isnt gonna hurt her. But when she wpuld go out she would leave at about 7pm and qont come back home until like 10 am or she hadnto work morning shift about 4pm. Then it really talks a toll on you when almost every night you have to hold you mom as she cries and ypu uabento convince her that shebis loved because she said she wants to die and she could disappear tomorrow and nobody care or notice. For the longest time i tried to deny that she was an alcoholic and i tried ro deny that ahe has a problem but eventually i realized she needs help but didnt know how to help her.