Chapter 43: Tsukiyomi Arc: Chapter 42

Title: Dreaming of Sunshine

Summary: Life as a ninja. It starts with confusion and terror and doesn't get any better from there. OC Self-insert.

Author's note: The meaning of life, the universe and everything: 42

About Tsukiyomi: Given the repetitive nature of it, it's my theory that Tsukiyomi is very much pre-recorded. Itachi set the scene, hit the target with it and walked away. He's not actually in there with them. Which is why the genjutsu was still set up for Sasuke and it couldn't get cancelled after he hit the wrong person. Make sense?

.

.

Chapter 42

.

.

The snow of yesterday

that fell like cherry petals

is water once again.

~Gozan

.

.

I blinked awake slowly, every thought and movement sluggish. My head felt clouded, stuffed full of cotton wool that nothing quite managed to penetrate.

There was white in front of me. Squares of it, all stacked together. I stared at it for a while, uncomprehending. The visual input was there, it just wasn't clicking.

A lady leant forward, blonde hair and dark golden eyes. She looked familiar in a distant way, not someone I knew but maybe someone whose picture I had seen before.

I blinked. The white shuttered out, the woman vanishing, as darkness took over, then was back just as quickly. How odd.

But there was something important about that.

Visual input. Light stimulating rods and cones on the back of the retina which send nerve impulses through the optic tract … light blocked from entering the eyes by the lowering of the eyelids…

But the genjutsu isn't transmitted through my eyes…

I hadn't been able to block it out by closing my eyes, it had been much more direct than that. Impossible to ignore.

I pondered that for a while, feeling like I was on the edge of something important. Something obvious. The fog was slowly clearing away and my brain hurt like a migraine or a bruise, which was wrong because the brain didn't have nociceptors. The cavity lining the cranium did, of course, but still, this was an ache that I felt everywhere inside my head, everything stressed and strained and overworked.

"Baa-chan? Why isn't she waking up?"

My chakra hurt too which was a little more worrying. That didn't have nociceptors either. Using chakra could hurt sometimes, particularly if the body was injured, but I wasn't using it, it was simply there. And hurting.

Hurting… causing pain or in pain?

Because Itachi initiating the genjutsu had hurt. Had felt like drowning and boiling and suffocating. And that was chakra.

I blinked again, slowly. White, dark, white.

There was no sudden change. No red sky. No reverse black and white buildings. No movement. No death.

Itachi had not attempted to fool me. It had just been repetition after repetition of the exact same scenario. Again and again and again. (On and on into infinity foreverandeverandever)

It took a while for the thought to sink in. It took even longer for the conclusion to form.

If this was not Tsukiyomi, and Itachi had not changed it's state… then what I was seeing was not genjutsu. I was awake.

Someone sighed. "She might not wake up. Your sensei has his Sharingan to protect him, at least a bit, but she has no such advantages. Against injuries like this there is only so much even I can do."

"But-" Naruto protested.

Naruto!

I was awake.

I bolted upright.

"Naruto! Sasuke!" I tried to shout. Nothing came out. Tentatively, I raised a hand to my throat.

Strong hands caught my shoulders, stopping my movement. "Or she might be fine," she said, amused. "Calm down. You screamed yourself raw, you know. They coated your voice box with chakra to protect it."

I heard the words, understood and could even feel the chakra that she mentioned, but it wasn't important.

Team? I signed insistently. The fight had not been over when I had fallen. The boys…

She smirked, eyes crinkling easily. One long finger touched my cheek and pushed. My head tilted, turning sideways.

Oh.

There was Naruto. A little dirty, a little worried, but unhurt with the biggest, stupidest grin on his face. That tight little knot of worry eased, just a bit.

"Oh, sweetheart," Mum breathed, from my other side, voice strangely quiet. "You're awake."

I turned. Quiet was not a normal reaction from my mother. She was sitting beside the desk - covered in flowers and cards and gifts - looking like she had been there for quite some time. The non-standard issue chair with the jacket draped over the back, the half read book, the bag on the floor… they told a story too. I realised, with a pang of guilt, that she had probably been sitting here every day for however long it took Naruto and Tsunade to return. She had sat there and watched me and I had failed to wake.

She had come to terms with it. The angry worry that led to her shouting at us so often, to the bossiness and pushiness, had faded away to resignation. I had no doubt people had gotten an ear full earlier, but right now there was only the joy of an event so unexpected as to be a miracle.

She hugged me tightly, and I felt wet tears dripping onto my shoulder.

"Come on, Baa-chan," I heard Naruto mutter. "You've still got other people to heal, you know."

I wanted to talk to him, to thank him and assure him that I was fine, and maybe ask how Sasuke was and what was going on, but there was something so fundamentally reassuring about being held by Mummy that I didn't want to let go.

Whether I was twelve, whether I was an adult in my own right… I felt like a child.

"Don't you ever do that again, you hear?" Mum choked out. "What on earth were you thinking, you silly girl?"

I couldn't have answered her even if I'd wanted to.

Dad and Shika came by not too much later. It seemed that Naruto really had dragged Tsunade straight to the hospital, instead of letting her sign in and whatever else a newly returned Hokage to be had to do, much to the annoyance of most of the administrators. By Dad's telling, the Elders were particularly unimpressed.

He didn't sound very bothered by that statement.

He looked tired and drawn. Really drawn. But there was a relieved smile touching his lips, that mirrored the one Mum was still wearing.

Shikamaru snorted, hands deep in his pockets. "It's about time you woke up. Mum's been making me do all your chores." The complaint was so Shikamaru that I smiled. There was deep relief in his eyes, but there was no need to say all the other things that were twisting through his mind. You're awake. I'm glad. We were worried. That was all that needed to be said.

"It's good for you," Dad said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Builds character."

"That's not what you say when she's on your case," Shikamaru grumbled, but subsided because Mum was right there.

"Oh, hush, you two," she said. "Don't you start that."

We weren't a particularly demonstrative family but we were all here and it was so obvious to all of us that we loved each other.

And that was enough.

.

.

Later, when it started getting dark and the nurses began to make clucking noises every time they came into the room, they eventually had to go. I hugged everyone goodbye and waved them off with a smile… then dropped back to the bed feeling strangely exhausted. I was tired, the kind of tired that feels like emptiness but I wasn't sleepy. It was an obnoxious state to be in, I discovered, as I lay there.

Someone had helpfully installed a clock on the wall and it's ticking irritated me.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Three hours, forty nine minutes and twelve seconds to go…

I scowled at the ceiling.

That's just not going to work, is it?

I didn't regret taking Sasuke's place. Whatever I was going through, it would be a thousand times worse for him. But I did wish, quietly, that neither of us had had to go through it. Maybe if I hadn't told him where… but then Naruto… but Itachi clearly wasn't trying…

I couldn't guess what would have happened. I hadn't been able to before we went, and I wasn't able to now.

You couldn't change the past, but being able to identify your mistakes helped you stop making them. Maybe if we hadn't tried to sneak away and just run for it, spammed clones, done something else…

I don't want to think about this, I thought, casting my mind around for something to distract me. I swept my chakra sense out, 'watching' the people wandering around the hospital for a while. That one was Lee, and there was Sakura - still helping out? - and, oh, there was Kakashi-sensei. Of course, he would still be here too.

I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and tapped them thoughtfully on the ground. For someone who had been in a coma for the last month, I seemed to have retained a fair amount of muscle tone. Did the medic nin have some kind of jutsu that stimulated the muscles? Did my chakra do it? It was something to look into.

I stood carefully, just in case my assessment had been wrong, but I didn't immediately topple over and collapse, so it just left me feeling a little silly standing around like it was a big deal. I shrugged the feeling off with odd humour.

And lo, then the great ninja warrior sets forth towards the far and distant door, accompanied by her trusty IV pole …

I even tried to hum a little only to find that that didn't work either.

Kakashi-sensei's room wasn't far away, but I didn't hurry since the whole point was to be doing something and walking counted.

Kakashi-sensei was sitting up, talking in a low voice to Gai-sensei when I knocked softly on the door. He looked tired, his usual slouch more of a slump, with one eye barely open at all. There was just something defeated looking about him.

Hi, I signed tentatively, hoping I hadn't interrupted anything.

"Shikako?" Sensei asked baffled. "What happened to you?"

Oh. I hadn't considered that Sensei wouldn't know. He'd been awake all afternoon, the same as I had. Then again, I hadn't been caught up on very much that had happened over the past month, either, and I didn't know how long Gai-sensei had been here. He had gone to see Lee, after all.

I saw Gai-sensei wince. "Ah, My Eternal Rival, I was just about to tell you…"

Not hurt, I signed cheerfully. Well, I wasn't, anymore. I was awake. I was fine. Honestly.

"And your silence is a protest against unfair hospital conditions?" he said dubiously.

I shrugged and dragged my IV pole in closer so I could hug him. He patted me awkwardly on the shoulder which is probably the best result any of us had got out of him yet. Gai-sensei was occupying the rooms only chair, so I scooted myself onto the bed next to Sensei.

"Hey, this is my hospital bed. Get your own," Kakashi-sensei protested half-heartedly.

I blinked at him with as much faux innocence as I could. He huffed in amusement, before casting a look at Gai-sensei that clearly said 'explain. Now.'

It was much more lively than he'd been when I opened the door, though he could have just been faking it for my benefit.

Gai-sensei sighed, and when he spoke, his voice was serious. "Shortly after I arrived at the scene, Itachi and Kisame fled. You were right in your assumption that they were after Naruto, it seems, because they headed after Jiraiya." He took a deep breath and sighed. "Sasuke Uchiha came looking for you and overheard information to that effect."

Kakashi-sensei closed his eye.

"At first we believed that letting him calm down on his own would be of greater benefit. Unfortunately," there was a note of grim humour in his voice. "Your other student knew how to locate Naruto and the two of them left the village post haste. I received notification on your behalf from the gate guards and went after them."

"And they ran into Itachi," Kakashi-sensei finished heavily, looking at me.

I wobbled my hand back and forth in a 'not quite' movement.

"They managed to locate Naruto, by all accounts. He had been separated from Jiraiya, and they were attempting to find him. Then they ran into Itachi." It was funny how so much could be conveyed by such a small sentence. "It's amazing that they got away with as few injuries as they did."

Kakashi-sensei looked at me, a serious one over, trying to find signs of injury. "Tell me."

Gai-sensei hesitated. I nodded encouragingly. "Sasuke had a broken arm, several broken ribs and mild contusions. Naruto was unharmed. Shikako… as far as we could tell, she was hit with the same technique you were."

Kakashi-sensei flinched.

I patted his hand, reassuringly. Not hurt, I signed again. It was awful, yes, horrifying, traumatising, viscous and brutal, but apart from the feeling of invading chakra, there had been no pain. I had an inclination that Itachi had not been nearly so … kind to Kakashi-sensei.

"And your voice?" he asked.

I touched my throat. I could feel the chakra coating it, not actually in my cells just lining the surface. They hadn't taken it off, so it was probably supposed to remain there but it didn't seem to be doing anything. Healing, I signed.

He gave me a dubious look.

I patted his hand again. Okay, I insisted.

I don't think he bought it, which was fair enough. I didn't buy it.

"Sasuke will be relieved to hear that you are both awake," Gai-sensei said, breaking the awkward silence. "He has been working with Neji and Tenten and while they are all individually competent, their team work leaves much to be desired."

I could see that, actually, especially if Sasuke wasn't in the mood to make an attempt. Individually, Team Gai was much more specialised than we were and likely had rigid roles for who did what. Team 7 was far more jack-of-all trades and whoever did whatever. I didn't know Tenten very well, but even if Neji had started to change, I expect he and Sasuke butted heads. A lot.

I sank back and listened to the chatter.

Yeah. This was better than my silent room.

.

.

I don't think I slept, exactly, but I likely zoned out because there was a distinct feeling of coming back to myself when I sensed another chakra signature. Gai-sensei was gone, and the room was quiet.

"Hey, kiddo," Jiraiya said, jumping down from the windowsill ledge. "And it looks like you've got a limpet with you."

Kakashi-sensei shifted. "Jiraiya. What brings you here?"

"Just checking up on you. I didn't expect them to be moving so fast. I would have warned you, if I knew."

I sharpened to attention. Warning? I signed.

Jiraiya's eyes flickered. "It's a bit late for any sort of warning now," he said, and chuckled. It was a clear deflection.

How frustrating. I wanted - needed - to talk to Jiraiya. Sign language was good, but it had been designed for field work and holding full conversations was difficult. Added to that, it was much easier to ignore.

I reached up, touched my throat, destabilised the chakra and released the jutsu. Oh. Ow.

"You're… talking about Akatsuki, aren't you?" I rasped. And, oh. My voice sounded ruined, wrecked, like a pack a day smoker. It could have been from damage, or from not being used for so long or both. I hoped it wasn't permanent.

There was a quick snap of unspoken conversation - Jiraiya glancing at Sensei did you, the denial - that I was surprised to even be able to pick up on.

"How do you know that name?" Jiraiya asked, faux casually, leaning on the wall.

"Itachi told me," I responded. "Didn't Naruto tell you what he said?"

Jiraiya snorted. "That's brat… Wouldn't remember his own head if it wasn't so loud." He shook his head, half exasperation half drama. That didn't necessarily mean Naruto hadn't told him. "What else did the Uchiha say?"

In the world of Tsukiyomi, time and space are mine to command…

I blinked it away, focusing on the important information. "That he belonged to an organisation called Akatsuki. That they were there after the Kyuubi and they're after the other Bijuu as well…" I faltered. Was that really all that I had gained? It had seemed so much more… "There are more of them, not just him and Kisame… he called it a 'mission' like a proper…" Like a ninja village, like there was someone giving orders.

"He specifically said they're after the Bijuu?" Kakashi-sensei asked, then glanced at Jiraiya. Confirmation for something they had merely suspected?

I nodded.

Jiraiya scratched his chin. "Hmm. Awful chatty of him. Still, that works in our favour."

Did Jiraiya know Itachi's truth? He was an intelligence expert, he might have. At the very least, he probably had suspicions.

"You… know more about them, don't you?" I rasped.

"That's not something you want to get yourself messed up in, kid," Jiraiya said. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

"I already am," I pointed out.

"You've just had an abject lesson in how out of your league you are. You should be jumping at the chance to get to safety."

I shrugged, uncomfortable at the reminder. It was so very, very true. "Naruto is my team mate. If they come after him again, I'm going to be there. It involves us."

'I'm going to be there', literally, because we would go on the same missions and 'I'm going to be there' because he was my friend and I wouldn't abandon him.

"Look at your sensei there. At your age, he was already a Jounin. And he went down just as fast as you did. There are very, very few people who can stand up against that level of enemy." Jiraiya's voice was serious, a direct contrast from his usual joking manner.

Sensei's hands clenched on the sheets, but he didn't offer any comment.

Something about Jiraiya's rant struck me. "You're going to take Naruto away."

He blinked, caught off guard. Yes, I knew he was going to. Time-skip. That much was… so obvious. I just… hadn't considered that… Oh.

"Yes," he said guardedly. "Not right now, but soon."

"You'll take him away, because you're the only one that can protect him," I ploughed on. "But you're also going to be teaching him how to fight back, aren't you? How to match up against opponents of that level. And eventually… you'll bring him back. So we'll learn too. We're his team."

I might not have had the right to speak for all of us, but I did it anyway. Sasuke would learn because of Itachi and I would learn because I knew what was coming and Kakashi-sensei would because he was a survivor.

"He also has advantages you don't," Jiraiya pointed out. "Look. It's great that you want to help your team mate. It really is. I bet your sensei is proud of you. But it doesn't change the fact that there's nothing you can do."

"I know," I said. "I know. I know we're too young, too weak. I know we have to rely on you to-" to protect us, to save us. "I know. But we can learn, can get stronger, can…" I faltered. "At least we'd know when to run."

I stared at him, frustrated, tears pricking my eyes because he was right and we were in over our heads here and he wasn't going to tell me anything-

I bit them back because I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't. It didn't matter if he didn't tell me anything. I knew some things. I could find out the rest. It would take a lot of digging, but I could do it.

Jiraiya sighed. He was looking at Kakashi-sensei, not at me.

"Save me from Genin with no self preservation," he sighed. "Alright, alright. You're going to be disappointed though, because what Itachi handed you is close to our sum total knowledge."

"You said Orochimaru used to be part of the organisation," Kakashi-sensei said.

"Yeah," Jiraiya said grimly. "Which is close to the only reason I know about them at all."

In time you will.

"I asked him that," I rasped. "Why we didn't know about them if it was people like him. He said we would, in time."

"Well, that doesn't sound good," Kakashi-sensei muttered.

"No. There are nine shinobi involved, as far as I can tell. All S-rank. So far they've been keeping pretty quiet, gathering information, keeping to the shadows, the kind of thing. There's Itachi Uchiha and Kisame Hoshigaki, obviously. Orochimaru left a while ago but there were some murmurings he'd been sighted with Sasori of the Red Sand. One of them is a bounty hunter, since we've been getting a lot of reports from the bounty offices. That's really about all we know."

I blinked. I doubted he had told me everything but still. That was all?

He chuckled. "Told ya, kid."

Pein, Konan, Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Hidan, Sasori, Deidara, Zetsu, Tobi…

I still remembered all the names. Now I just had to link them to Akatsuki. Looked like I would be doing research anyway.