Chapter 31: Chunin Exams Arc - Break: Chapter 30

Title: Dreaming of Sunshine

Summary: Life as a ninja. It starts with confusion and terror and doesn't get any better from there. OC Self-insert.

Author's note: Nemesis Jedi - I think a few people were expecting the same - trained killer minus pesky moral obligations - but I see Shikako as fairly introverted so she just got progressively quieter. It gives a bit of a new spin on the Nara laziness, ne? Genetically inherited indeed. The 'forbidden from training' point was half to do with that; on one hand, she might hurt herself and not care, on the other, she might create horribly morally lacking techniques ala mad scientist. And if there was a fight, well, she claimed to not be afraid, but that might not hold up under stress. It wasn't a complete shut down, after all. And, yes, she will have to deal with that. Mwhahaha.

Pokey - It's okay, I understand by what you meant by 'more'. I intended to have more but… well, that's the difference between intention and execution.

And also? Wikipedia Shogi Tactics for the win.

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Chapter 30

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To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

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I clicked the pawn down onto the shogi board, completing my Yagura Castle - arguably the strongest defensive formation in the entire game. Contrary to expectations, the opening game of shogi revolved around building a good defence before you could attack, mainly because of the ability to drop tiles at any location on the board - rapidly advancing your pieces left you open for attack.

"Defend the king with three generals," Shikamaru quoted the old proverb with a sigh. "Oh man. And here I thought we were going to have an easy game." Despite his tone, his eyes were eager as he advanced his rook's knight.

"It's not like we don't have the time," I replied, gaze flickering to the hospital bed that we sat beside. "Naruto's been out for days already. The idiot."

"Maybe the kid croaked," Shikamaru suggested.

I scoffed. "It'll take more than chakra exhaustion to take out Naruto. Though I seriously want to hear the story of how Naruto got chakra exhaustion." And really, to get chakra exhaustion so close to the Finals…

Shikamaru shrugged. "Hey, you're the one who told me about the rumours you heard. I know nothing about it."

"How could you miss the giant toad leaping around on the horizon?" I shook my head. "Never mind, you were probably cloud watching."

"You don't tell Mum, I don't tell Mum," he replied.

"Tell her what?" I teased. "That you're skiving training to play shogi with me in the hospital?"

"Hey, my training buddy is here too. I can't do much without Chouji."

"Sure, sure," I said. "I'm sure Asuma-sensei couldn't come up with anything."

Naruto groaned and stirred.

"Seriously?" Shikamaru asked rhetorically. "You've been out for days and you pick now to wake up?" he scowled at the shogi board.

"Where am I?" Naruto muttered, sounding lost and disorientated. "What is this?"

"The hospital," Shikamaru replied drolly. "They said you've been out cold like this for three days straight."

Naruto blinked and sat up, scrubbing his eyes. "Huh."

"Nice to see you awake, sleepyhead," I teased. "I thought you were going to miss the Finals."

"Wait! What? How many days did you say it had been?" Naruto shouted, jumping up on the bed.

"Oh man, this kid gives me such a headache. I liked him a lot better when he was in a coma," Shikamaru muttered, leaning back in his chair.

"Naruto! Calm down," I directed, ignoring my brother's comment. "You've still got a few days."

"I need to be out there training!" Naruto said. "I can't believe I wasted so much time!"

"Would you knock it off?" Shikamaru said, exasperated. "Now listen, you don't want to be freaking out the day before a big competition. Resting can be the best thing."

"You don't want to be tired before your fight with Neji, do you?" I added, trying to reinforce the point.

"I guess not," Naruto muttered, sinking back down on the bed. "Ugh. I'm really starving."

I rolled my eyes.

"Well," Shikamaru drawled, setting a fruit basket on the bed. "I went to all the trouble of getting this stuff for Chouji, and then the doctors told me he couldn't have it. That's such a drag. But at least we can eat it."

"Chouji? You mean he's here in the hospital too?" Naruto asked, wide eyed.

"Nothing to worry about. All he's got is a bad case of indigestion. He ate one short rib too many." It was said in good humour. A kind of 'that's Chouji'.

"Hehehe," Naruto giggled. "That's just like him." He reached out to pick up an apple then froze, a wicked grin lighting up his face. "I know, we can totally go and eat it in front of him. It'll drive him crazy!"

"That's so mean," Shikamaru said. "I like it."

When he bothered to use it, Shikamaru's sense of humour leaned more to the sharp, sly kind. He had actually laughed at most of Naruto's pranks at the Academy, even if he hadn't been as loud as Kiba about it.

"It's this way," Shikamaru said, leading us through the hallways.

But as we drew nearer to Chouji's room, I became unsettled. "It's awfully quiet," I commented uneasily.

"It is lunchtime," Shikamaru commented, but I noticed that his shoulders were equally tense.

I reached out with my chakra sense, momentarily bewildered at the fluctuations of chakra from the various medical seal work and machinery. I didn't quite know what I was looking for, but I found it in the dark, agitated chakra coming from one of the far rooms.

Lee's room?

I sprinted down the hallways, Shikamaru and Naruto blinking in surprise before following me. I didn't know what was happening, but it couldn't be good.

Because I was pretty sure the chakra I was sensing was Gaara.

I skidded around the corner, banging the door open and charging into the room, Naruto and Shikamaru half a step behind me. It probably would have been horribly embarrassing if I'd judged the situation wrong, but by the way that Gaara's sand was climbing all over the bed and the sleeping Lee, I didn't think I had.

Shika and I both lashed out with our shadows, catching Gaara at almost the same time. It was the oddest feeling. We'd never both targeted the same person because, well, there wasn't any point to it. I could feel Gaara through it, and he was appropriately paralysed, but I could also feel the link back to Shikamaru and I knew that if I pushed, I could try and paralyse him too. Of course, he'd be able to do the same to me and in the end it would probably come down to who had stronger chakra and greater will. But Gaara was torn between us, fighting a double layer of Shadow Possession Jutsu. That would, however, last only as long as we were in synch with each other. If I moved and Shikamaru didn't, we'd be weakening each other.

Interesting.

"My hand… I can't move my hand," Gaara rasped, hand poised over Lee's bed in the half curled fist that he used for his Sand Coffin.

With an awareness born from years of closeness, Shikamaru and I both turned, moving Gaara away from the bed to face us.

"What the heck do you think you're doing in here, you rat!" Naruto shouted, half questioning, half demanding.

"Is there a problem here, Gaara of the desert?" Eh, I sort of wished he had a last name. That didn't sound nearly as authoritative as it could have. "Use of chakra techniques is prohibited in the hospital."

Shika gave me a look like 'it's pretty damn obvious he was trying to kill him. You think tell him it's forbidden is going to work?'

Well, okay, no. But I wasn't good at verbal confrontations. And reminding Gaara that there were people other than us that wouldn't like this might have done something.

"I was going to kill him," Gaara said, blankly, calmly, like he had every right.

The statement made us all real.

"You already beat him once in the competition," Shikamaru retorted. "What's your problem? Wasn't that enough for you? Do you have some kind of personal grudge against him or something?" There was a hard edge of anger in his voice that didn't show up often.

"I have nothing against him. It's nothing that complicated. I simply want to kill him, that's all." Again, said so calmly. His green eyes were blank. Admittedly, it was probably better than homicidal rage, but disturbing all the same.

"You think we're just going to stand by and let you do whatever you want?" Shikamaru asked in disbelief. "Not going to happen."

"If you don't stay out of my way," Gaara replied. "I'll have to kill you as well."

I felt my breath catch. Oh, I'd studied Gaara's attacks and defence. I'd worked out battle strategies. But this was not an ideal location for fighting - a small enclosed space, helpless patients, Naruto wasn't armed in any way (he wasn't even wearing shoes!), I wasn't carrying my specially prepared waters scrolls… it was not looking good.

"Oh, yeah? Well lets just see you try it!" Naruto challenged. On one hand I wanted to face palm, on the other it was so Naruto that I had been expecting it.

"Yeah, yeah, we watched your last match against Lee. We know you're tough. But we have a few tricks up our sleeves as well. On top of that, its three against one. So don't be a fool, okay? Just take my advice and go. Quietly." Shikamaru was bluffing. He wasn't any keener to get into a fight here than I was.

Against a normal, sane person, it might have even worked.

"I'll say it once more," Gaara repeated. "If you get in my way, I'll kill you."

"And I'll say it again," Naruto repeated, equally fierce. "Lets see you try it!"

"Back off!" Shikamaru hissed at him, not as used to Naruto jumping in over his head, feet first and whooping with joy, as I was. "We don't wanna go there! This guy fights like he's mad. Like he's a demon or something."

An odd look came over Naruto's face. "He can act like a demon if he wants to, but you know what? I got the real thing inside of me!" He glared at Gaara.

I was surprised at even the oblique reference. Maybe that was an opening I could use to talk about it. Later.

"A demon, huh? My demon is as real as yours is," Gaara rasped. "From my birth, my upbringing was not what most people would consider a happy one. In order to ensure I became the strongest of shinobi, my father infused my unborn self with a sand spirit. I destroyed the life of the woman who gave birth to me. I was born a monster. It's name is Shukaku and it's the living incarnation of a monk of the Sand village who had been sealed up in a jar of tea."

Shukaku, yes. Monk? No. Then again, why tell the Jinchuriki the truth. Not like it would help them stay in control or anything, right?

"That's awful," I said.

"Man, that's creepy," Shikamaru said, shuddering. "Gee, what a swell guy your dad must have been. He really must have loved you a lot."

"You speak of 'love'. Don't measure me by your standards. Love. Family. The only emotional ties I have to my family are the ones I like to wrap around their necks. And they're only ties of hate. Given life by the death of my mother and nurtured into being, I was the salvation of my village. I was the Kazekage's child. My father taught me the inner most secrets of the shinobi. He pampered and protected me and left me to myself. For a time, I thought that was love. And that was when everything started."

Maybe Gaara really wanted to tell people about this, to justify himself. He was really monologuing here.

"When what started?" Naruto demanded, swallowing. His face was pale. He was obviously seeing parallels here.

"Ever since I became six years old… my father tried to destroy me more times than I can count!"

"You just finished saying how your father pampered and protected you. So which is it?" Shikamaru demanded.

"Those who become too strong are apt to become feared. The jutsu that gave me birth had unbalanced something in my mind. Even the fools in my village realised I had… emotional problems." His voice twisted on the last words, wry and bitter and full or dark humour.

Depending on what Gaara meant by 'inner most secrets of the shinobi' it might not be just the Ichibi's fault. I doubted the Kazekage taught kindly.

"My father, the Kazekage, created me as his ultimate weapon. But I eventually became a threat to the very village I was meant to save. By the time I was six I became a figure of terror to the villagers. To them, I was a relic of the past that they wished would disappear. So you see, I had failed at the one purpose for which I was given life. What then, was left for me in this existence? Why go on living? For a long time, I couldn't find an answer to that, but in order to live, you need a purpose. To exist for no reason… it's the same as being dead."

It was … spellbinding, listening to him talk. Horrible and awful and still managing to hold us entranced.

"Then in time, the answer came to me. To put it simply, my reason for living is in the killing of others. For years, I lived in fear of those who were sent to murder me. But now I am at peace. I killed many would be assassins and it was while I was doing it that the truth was made clear to me. I live solely for myself. I love only myself. As it was the death of my mother that gave me life, so it is the death of others that sustains me. It makes me almost happy to be alive. And there's no end to it. As long as there are still people to kill in this great, wide, crowded world, I will never disappear!" His eyes widened alarmingly, face twisting into a grimace of pain. Talking time was apparently over.

"Now! Let me feel alive!"

Sand started to swirl around the room, rising into the air. He wasn't moving, wasn't using hand signs but the sand still moved. Ooooh, not good. I readied my chakra for a lightning jutsu, hoping that it would disperse the sand enough for us to retreat. Naruto wasn't moving, and Shikamaru didn't have much besides Shadow Possession, which obviously wasn't working.

"Alright! That's enough!" A wonderful, wonderful voice ordered. "Save it for the final competition. You're just wasting it today, is that what you want?"

Maito Gai stood in the doorway, his very presence diffusing the atmosphere of the room. The sand retreated, flowing back into the gourd. We dropped our Shadow Possession, confident in our backup.

Gaara clutched his head and groaned. His steps were shuffling and hesitant, awkward and off balance, but he paused by the door for one last comment.

"All the same, I will kill you. Just you wait. I'll kill you all."

We didn't even move as he left.

"Alright, kids?" Gai-sensei asked with a smile and a thumbs up.

I managed a shaky smile back. "Nice timing, Gai-sensei."

He laughed, slightly dramatically. "An ironic compliment from a student of my Eternal Rival! I cannot wait to see Kakashi's face when I inform him of this!"

We shuffled out of Lee's room, double and triple checking the corridors for Gaara's presence. He was gone.

"So…" I said, dragging the syllable out. "Chouji's room?"

Shikamaru blinked, then ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Sounds good to me."

Naruto didn't say a word as we retraced our steps, picking up the fruit basket that had been dropped and spilled it's contents across the corridor.

"How troublesome," Shikamaru sighed finally, as we settled into the chairs in Chouji's room.

"What's wrong, Shikamaru?" Chouji asked. "And why'd you have to bring that food back? It makes me so hungry."

I snapped a banana off the bunch and threw it to him. "We wont tell if you don't," I said.

He looked at it mournfully, probably wishing it was a pork rib or steak or something.

"We ran into Gaara," Shikamaru said. "Just now, in the hospital."

"Trying to kill Lee," I elaborated, because that was the important part.

Chouji froze. "You… you're not joking, are you?"

I shook my head. "It would have gotten messy if Gai-sensei hadn't shown up when he did."

We relayed what had happened to Chouji who listened in worry. Naruto was silent the whole time.

"Naruto? Are you okay?" Chouji asked. "You're kinda quiet over there."

Naruto stared down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them. "That guy…" he murmured. "He said… he had a demon inside of him."

"Shukaku," I repeated. "The name of one of the Ten Tailed Beasts - the Bijuu. It's known as the Ichibi, the One-Tail and so regarded as the weakest of them all. It's known to be affiliated with the Sand Village, with two previous hosts including the monk Keshin Shukaku, which was probably who Gaara was talking about, and Bunbuku Chagama, who was most famous for the Massacre of Tsutanai Village during the Third Great Ninja War where he indiscriminately killed thirty enemy shinobi, the entire civilian village and three squads of Sand shinobi."

Shikamaru blinked and leaned backwards. "I forgot you used to love those stories," he muttered.

"The Bijuu are pretty interesting," I defended. "Did you know, there are stories that all nine of them used to be one being known as the Juubi - the Ten-Tailed - which the Sage of Sixth Paths then split into nine separate beings?"

And while most of the 'stories' about Bijuu were just that, I'd found out as much as I could because I knew they would one day be important. And given the way this world worked, I couldn't write off very much as 'fantasy' no matter how absurd. And well, a child fascinated with Bijuu myths is much less suspicious than a shinobi looking for information on Jinchuriki. My interest in history helped me put together a lot of different facts to get a clearer picture of the truth.

"Is… it common?" Naruto asked hesitantly. "To… have them sealed inside people."

I bit my lip and nodded. "Yeah. It's called 'Jinchuriki' meaning 'the power of human sacrifice'. I think all the Bijuu have been sealed at one point in time but most villages try and keep that information quiet. I think the only one I've never heard anything about is the Kyuubi but it must have, or it wouldn't have appeared so suddenly." Maybe because Konoha had never really used Kyuubi in battle the way other nations had.

Shikamaru's eyes had gone wide. "Naruto," he said carefully. "You said… 'I've got the real thing'…"

Naruto looked away. "Yeah," he muttered. "I did."

"That was the red chakra you used on the bridge," I said abruptly. "And in the forest."

He nodded.

"Man," Shikamaru drawled. "What a drag. That's gotta be rough."

"I kind of guessed," I admitted, feeling bad for putting Naruto on the spot like this. Particularly when I already knew the truth. "And we're not supposed to know about it, right?"

"Yeah," Naruto said, just glancing up at us quickly. "The Third Hokage made a rule, that no one was supposed to tell the kids about it…"

"Soo…" I dragged out, wanting to reassure Naruto but not really knowing how. "What's it's name? I mean, if the Ichibi is called Shukaku and the Yonbi is called Son Goku, then does the Kyuubi have a name?"

Naruto blinked. "Isn't 'Kyuubi' it's name?"

"Nah. Kyuubi means 'Nine Tails'. So it's more like a title, right? Or a description. Kinda like… Genin, or Jounin."

"Oh," he replied, stumped. "I don't know."

I shrugged. "Eh, never mind then. Want to play shogi?" Shikamaru was already setting up the shogi board again.

Naruto blinked and looked around the room at us. Shikamaru gave him a half hearted smile.

"Apple?" Chouji offered, holding out the fruit basket that was suspiciously half empty. He knew Chouji well enough to know that sharing food was sacred.

Naruto took one and if there were tears in his eyes, we didn't comment.

"Come on," I said, bumping shoulders with him. "You and me verses Shika and Chouji."