Chapter 2: Beginning: Annoyance

Here we have a little break, where we see how everyone else is reacting. And Kimimaro annoys the hell out of T&I. And I will admit, writing myself as myself is kind of addictive when it's not all angsty.

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato, was feeling slightly confused. Two shinobi had turned up at the gates, asking rather politely for asylum and an audience with him. He wasn't all that prepared for the young ages of the two. The first was only about eight, skin showing the paleness of a life underground, bone-white hair and what appeared to be red clan markings on the brow and eyelids. The second was a stringy, broad-shouldered boy that, judging from the lines of the face, would be somewhere around thirteen years old. That one held a white puppy in his arms like it was a lifeline.

He would admit that he let his temper slip slightly when Kimimaro said that he had been Orochimaru's student. When he said that he had fled being used for one of Orochimaru's depraved jutsus, while saving an innocent, he reined in his anger.

After knocking the two out, he called for Ibiki. This matter would have to be handled delicately.

I could really go for pasta right now. Why did it have to be a Feudal Japan-based universe? WHY?!

I suppose I could give making it a go; the shells are just water, flour and eggs, right? Onions and meat will be available and tomatoes shouldn't be a...tomatoes weren't native to Japan, were they? I'm pretty sure they came from America. Yet Sasuke's favourite food is tomatoes. Huh. Oh well; never look a gift horse in the mouth.

I think the soup they gave me was tomato and vegetable based as well. Oh yeah, I'm being hosted by T&I. No, they're under orders not use physical implements. I'm in the 'nice' cells as well; the ones when they're bribing their guests or they're restraining high profile political prisoners. Since Juugo and I qualify as refugees, that's where we are. I wonder how they would react if I offered to make them pasta? They'd think it was poisoned, obviously, but their expressions would be a sight to see.

Seriously, I miss sooo many things. Pasta, toffee apples, computers, computer games, a load of books, a load of movies, cars, mum and dad, my family, garlic bread, roast dinners, breakfast pastries, yoghurt-coated cranberries...okay, now I'm hungry and that soup feels like ages ago. Like, yeeeears.

And I'm booorrrrred. With these chakra seals on, I can't grow my bones. Well, actually, that's not strictly true. Yes, both the Akimichi and the Kaguya use Yang chakra. However, the Akimichi only have an affinity for Yang chakra; therefore they have to use handseals for their Expansion techniques and the only refinement is expanding individual body parts at a time.

Myself, on the other hand, have a Kekkai Genkai for Yang chakra. I do not need handseals; I only need to direct my chakra. The downside is that I can manipulate only my bones. And these seals on my wrists only keep my chakra from reaching my skin and the outside. The bones inside my body, although, are fair game.

But, I only like my bones where I can see them. Yes, that sounds incredibly stupid, but I refuse to mess with any organ-connected bones except in an emergency. Ribs and spine are a big no-no. What if I punctured one of my internal organs, because I can't see where the bone inside of me is growing?! Also, Yang chakra is a big part of medical chakra. Without Yang chakra in my skin to numb the area and mend the exit, bones coming out through my skin would hurt like all hell and leave a gaping bloody hole.

Well, nothing else to do but annoy the living daylights out the guards who are watching my every move. In my past life, I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. This body, however, has quite a nice voice.

"Hello mother, hello father.

Here I am at, Camp Grenada...'"

"'...They're coming to take me away, haha,

They're coming to take me away, hoho,

Hehe, haha...'"

'I regret nothing...'

"...And it's so easy when you're eeevil,

this is the life you see,

the Devil tips his hat to me.

I do it all because I'm eeevil,

And I do it all for free:

Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!..."

Tobitake Tonbo had to consciously stop himself from tapping his foot along. He stared at the other prisoner, name of Juugo.

"Is this...normal for him?"

Juugo looked up at him. "He sings when he's bored, but can't draw. He drew quite the crowd when we passed through some towns and it got us enough money to buy fresh food. He sang while we traveled as normal civilians. Once he gets bored of singing, I don't know what will happen."

"Would he listen if we asked him to tone it down?"

"Just give him a piece of paper and a pencil. If you ask nicely, he does requests."

"...Like a tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own...'" Ibiki sighed as a Yamanaka walked past, humming. Great, now his people had picked up those songs.

"Give him some paper and some pencils," he groaned. "Just make sure you keep an eye on what he's drawing!"

What am I drawing, you ask? Well, I'm not drawing, per-say, but I am practicing my Fuuinjutsu matrices.

It kind of started when, because of the extra medical data obtained thanks to yours truly, Kabuto and the other scientist minions under Orochimaru's command found out about my illness way before canon. Good news, I get medication which actually helps. Bad news, I'm no longer a suitable vessel for His Snakiness. Which means that I get relegated to the breeding labs; they muck about with my blood and tissue samples until I'm sexually active then *ahem* put me out to stud.

Not only is that all kinds of NOPE, I needed to be in Orochimaru's right hand posse if I'm going to get sent after Juugo. Answer: become a Fuuinjutsu specialist. Karin is too young to have discovered any seals-related talent she might have yet and all the Balaclava mooks are...well, mooks.

I throw myself into sealing, which Orochimaru has quite a few texts and notebooks on actually. I think he messed around with body-altering seals in canon, which would explain it. Also, it's a massive 'flip the birdy' to all those fanfiction OCs, that just so happen to have inherited sealing talent by being born into the Uzumaki clan. Fuuinjutsu isn't Uzumaki-only, you know?! Other people are talented at it as well; cases in point, Minato Namikaze and Jiraiya. The only reason it isn't as prevalent in the shinobi business as you might think is that math isn't really highlighted in the academies. Basic add, subtract, multiplication and division get taught because money management, but anything beyond that is pretty much ignored. Uzumaki with specialisation in Fuuinjutsu don't even have to get math, they just process it all subconsciously and draw a perfect seal matrix 'because it just looks right.' Non-Uzumaki have to slave over learning all those intricate little squiggles.

Myself, on the other hand, has a whole lifetime of GCSE geometry, trigonometry, algebra, equations and rearranging formulas to help me out. Yes, I can do math. Yes, it really, really helped. Actually, I wasn't too good at math before. I could do it and didn't have a problem with it, I was just one of those people who have to sit down with a pencil and scribble through the whole method to get an answer.

But because of me using that past-life math, Orochimaru thought I was a Fuuinjutsu prodigy of the level of Minato; the guy who beat him to becoming Hokage. So I got back into his personal posse by dint of being his own Minato rip-off. And I did get sent after Juugo, so yay!

"Please give a basic rundown of your abilities," said the guy with a clipboard. My interview; yay. I'm handcuffed to a chair, but it could be worse. Pointy things or snakes sort of worse.

"Foremost, the Shikotsumyaku Kekkai Genkai of the near-extinct Kaguya clan. I have a prototype range of taijutsu designed around my Kekkai Genkai.

Reasonable in kenjutsu, somewhat resistant to genjutsu, basic range of D and C ranked ninjutsu in Doton and Suiton. Increased healing rate and physical stamina as a result of my Kekkai Genkai. Basic medical jutsu. Some skill in Fuuinjutsu, as you can see." I nod to the sheets of paper one of the guards is holding.

"Explain your relationship with the missing-nin Orochimaru." I grimace.

"Do you have to phrase it like that?After my clan committed what amounts to mass suicide, I became quite collectable, you understand? Because of my Kekkai Genkai, my body structure is superior to most ninja, therefore I was of high value as Orochimaru's next body. Once it was discovered, however, that I had a genetic illness, I became depreciated and was scheduled to be sent to one of the breeding labs. But because of my talent for Fuuinjutsu being discovered, I was kept at his side."

"Your relationship with Orochimaru," the guy re-iterates.

"I was one of his collectables who still retained some worth in an unconventional area even after a flaw in my genetics was found. I was his pet Fuuinjutsu specialist; his rip-off Minato Namikaze. I'm the three-legged guard dog whose teeth were still sharp enough for him to keep me around.

I respect Orochimaru only for his skill, intelligence and Kami-damned stubbornness not to die. Other than that, he just creeps me out."

"You mentioned breeding labs. Surely it would be beneficial for you if you could restore your clan? Why refuse?" I stare at him.

"One, you are being obtuse, because it's pretty obvious that I'm not sexually mature yet. Two, I wasn't going to give the Snake-bastard an innocent infant to mess around with. Three, the guy's a bloody pimp; he likes to try and pair off different Kekkai Genkai users to see what the end result is. Four, a lot of the other subjects over there don't do it by choice. Five, if if one of the subjects tries to refuse engaging in intimacy, they're put under genjutsu that makes them do it.

I couldn't change it, but I could make sure I didn't participate in it; save them a small amount of suffering."

Sarutobi Hiruzen quickly flicked through the sheaves of paper that Ibiki had set in front of him, doing his best to hide his surprise.

"He did these himself, you said? These are most impressive. On a par with Jiraiya and maybe Minato, I can say that much. I'm not surprised my former student kept the boy around."

The old man leaned back in his chair and lit his pipe with a snap of his fingers. "Ibiki, what can you tell me about this Kimimaro's personality?"

"Sir. He appears to have a large amount of spite towards those who judge people on genetics alone and seems to mildly resent being treated as a replacement for others and not his own person. Intelligent enough to know when to shut up, but seems to take delight in passive-aggressive tactics."

"Such as?"

"Well sir; he, er, started singing. And now half the people who've come into contact with him have got songs stuck in their heads. Not genjutsu; they're just really catchy." Ibiki decided to move on swiftly when the laugh-lines around his Hokage's eyes deepened.

"Apart from that, he seems rather mature for his age. That could be put up to being exposed to Orochimaru for a number of years and the mistreatment from his clan and subsequent orphaning, but some of the Yamanaka aren't so sure. He reacts to the boy he brought with him, Juugo, like some sort of psuedo-father-figure; completely in control like he's the adult of the two."

The Hokage folded his hands as he leaned forward on the desk.

"What are his intentions in this Village?"

"Sir, to quote; 'Join this Village's shinobi force, get a house, get Juugo's problem either cured or manageable, get Juugo a job, make some progress on my own illness, learn more about seals, make some friends, get both Juugo and I to age thirty and stay the hell away from Orochimaru unless it's to piss on his grave. Not necessarily in that order.' Unquote."

Sarutobi exhaled a small puff of smoke. "That's...strangely realistic and proactive. If I recall, there are several apartments available in the block downtown. Set them both up there and I'll set two ANBU to watch them."

Ibiki nodded in acquiescence, deposited the two files on the desk and left.

The Hokage sat silent for a moment, then spoke aloud to his - seemingly - empty office; "Get Hound and Bear. They have a mission."