A Doomed Love

He didn't want to, no, couldn't, stay away.

At first, he thought she was beautiful the way the moonlight glimmering off the reflection of a lake was beautiful.

But somewhere along the way, subtly, something changed. Was it her burning curiosity about everything, or the way she marvelled at everything that made the world seem to shine through her eyes? Maybe it was the way she was completely raw and honest with him, like no one had ever been before. Or maybe it was because he saw a part of himself in her, saw the same darkness growing, threatening to swallow that bright aura.

A feeling he had never felt before gripped his heart at the thought of that. He wanted so badly to save her, to protect that pure innocence. He wanted her to always look at him with eyes that shined.

"I've seen that look before," the demon observed. He let out a cynical laugh. "Forget it. Our kind were never meant for love."

"I haven't done anything," he growled in response.

"Do you really think, after so many centuries, that I can't read you like an open book?" the demon grinned, its red eyes curving into crescents. "You want her."

He was silent, brooding. The temperature of the room seemed to drop a few degrees. "I want to save her."

The demon let out another sardonic laugh. "Only she can save herself. Forget it. Any love between us and a mortal is doomed from the start. You'll do right to stay away. Don't walk the path I took, frater." (1)

Something flared up inside him at the mention of doomed. "I'll do me," he snapped, storming off to the cackling laughter of the demon.

-

7 April 2016, Thursday

He hasn't come all week, not since the day he showed me his face. I haven't had a good night's sleep in a while. Every night I stay up waiting expectantly, waiting for someone who never shows up. It feels like being stood up somehow. Why hasn't he come? It makes me so anxious.

I wonder if it's because he revealed his human form to me? It's etched in my memory, the soft glow moonlight cast on his face, that one stray lock of hair falling into eyes as dark and unfathomable as an ocean, and immensely kissable lips, a breath away from my face. He is more beautiful than any human, any creature I'd ever seen.

I finally learnt why people say eyes can be piercing; in the moment he solemnly told me, "you're beautiful", I felt like those deep dark icy eyes could cut right through my soul.

I think I'm falling for you, Kalen. You're always on my mind, everyday, and the one thing I look forward to every night, even though you never show up. This is unexpected, too fast. I don't want to. Everything about you screams danger, from the first time when you were watching me, to the night you had your hands on my neck.

I tell myself I won't forget you tried to kill me once, and you very well could again. And yet my heart won't listen. The very thought of you sends me into a frenzy.

But I won't tell you. To you I'm probably just an ugly, pimple-faced, dorky kid who can't even stand up for herself. I think of everything my friends have ever called me, all the flaws they've pointed out. I know it's petty to care, but when you've been fed the same words everyday, it gets ingrained into you - that you're disgusting, ugly, annoying, someone that no one will ever love.

I'm just a girl who can't even be enough for herself much less others. How can you love someone else when you don't love yourself?

Besides, I have no right to love you. You're out of my league. Tall, dark, mysterious, powerful, I assume. So many other beautiful, confident, charming, talented girls in the world. You'd never like someone like me.

So I'll keep you a place in my heart. Never let you know.

You'll be my dangerous, secret love,

Kalen.