Tired

How can he leaved me here out of nowhere. I don't have my bag and no  money inside my side pocket. All of a sudden, I  just want to go somewhere where no one knows me. Where I can walk freely. Where I can forget and thought all of this was just a dream.

No, I should let myself undergo all the problems now. I should not let this affect my schooling. Few months to go and I can walk to the stage and receive what should I receive as a reward for all the hardship.

I wipe every single tears drops on my chicks. This is not the right time to be emotional. And beside, part of me has a  fault and no one should take the blame.

Few hours pass and I went home safe and sound. No ones are around and luckily I can breath deeply. Thanks to God and I don't need to have an argument to my parents. No, the worst is I don't need to hear my parents sermons. I just took the three steps going to my room when the main door slummed loudly. I was just about  to turned my head to see whose coming when my long wavey hair was suddenly pulled hardly by someone.

You did not leave me some shame, Althea! Mom shouted angrily.

"Mo...m, it hurts!" I said painly.

"Hurts? Do you know how it hurts us more seeing your own daughter's scandal, huh? Do you know how popular you are right now? How could you do that Althea? We always thought you how to be brave. We always reminded you to stay focus always on your studies, right?" then she let go my hair and push my head. She take her seat on the lounge after feeling her knees weakened.

"Mom, ...I'm....I'm really sorry. I didn't do it on purpose. That is out of my knowing." my tears are now falling again. Only our weeps can be heared inside the room. Grievances can be seen on my mom's face.

She didn't answer and just turned her head side by side unwilling to accept my apology. And it really pains me.

"Mom!" I hold her wrist when she was about to walk towards the front door.

"Althea, I can't accept your reason. You are such a fool, you are not a respectable person." then she loosen her wrist from my grip and went outside.

To my despair, I pick up the flower base on the side table at throw it on the wall with my full force. Not yet contented on the small pieces of broken glass, I walk barefoot on the tiny pieces of glass scattered on the floor. Pains run through my veins. But this was nothing compared to the pains I was holding emotionally. I walk continuously like walking in a smooth surface. I can bare all kinds of pain but I cant bare to see the big  disappointment of my parents.  I know this is a huge shame on behalf of my family.

There was blood stain that marks on the floor as I can continue taking my step slowly and slowly to my room. As I get to my bed, I laid immediately and stared on the ceiling until I fall asleep.

It was almost past nine in the evening when I feel my stomach craves for something. I was on my way when I heard the sound of utensils crashing. My whole family takes the dinner on our small table.

I slowly pulled the chair and take my seat beside to Lyn. My father was on his usual seat leading the table and my mother was seating opposite to him. My two older brothers seats at the other side. The room filled with silence that only the sounds of spoon touching the plates can be heared. No one dares to speak. I was about to grab the rice at the center when my mom suddenly push her chair and grab her plate to the labatory.

"I will go upstairs first. I'm full already!" she explained upon seeing the questionable expression of my father.

"Evelyn!" my father demanded.

"I'm tired and I want to take rest already. Just follow later after you are done." dad cannot do anything except to nod as a sign of agreement.  Everyone are afraid to speak. Afraid to open a story.

"I'm sorry!" I said all of a sudden though my head vows halfly. No one answered!

"I'm really sorry.  I swear it to you, I will make sure it will leave no traces." I can't face them.

"It was happened already and we cannot do anything to escape from this shame you put in our family! I cannot even believe and imagine that your scandal was scattered on our school faster than I was thought. Did you know the feeling of everyone's are asking if is that your sis...."

"Drop it Mark!" dad tried to stop Mark. This is the first time we argued in the front of the blessing.

"Okay. Okay. Anyway, in fact I truly believe that we can't do nothing but wait until this fucking news will slowly down!" my brother said raising his two palm as a sign of surrender while pushing the chair hardly as he take his back.

I think the rest of my family also lost their appetite. They stand one by one as they follow my older brother in the kitchen. It was me and my father left in front of the foods. Any moment I think I cant hold myself anymore. But I just continue my food waiting for my dad to stop his dinner. I heared the chair moved slowly indicating that my dad was also about to stop his dinner. I was taken a bit when someone was suddenly pat my shoulder.

"I believe that all problems has a solution Althea! I believe that we can undergo this situation we encounter right now. What we just need is a strong spirit and ask for guidance to our Almighty. I know, you itself didn't want this." he said soothing my feelings. One of my greatest motivator and inspiration is my dad. He was always there on my side through good and bad times. And I am always thankful for having a great father like him.