Realize and Regret

So he isn't immortal or anything, that's good. But there is something wrong with this man. If she can figure it out, perhaps there is still a chance for her to defeat him? Ayah quickly shook that thought out of her head, 'this isn't the time for that.'

"So, when I've healed up, can I leave?"

Rhys nodded, "I've already heard about the showdown, anyway. You can leave once you've recovered, and our side won't start until you are healed."

That sounds reasonable, but, "Did you purposely charge towards me recklessly, because you want to buy them some time?"

"I don't know their plans; you injured me, remember? I only received one note about a showdown."

True, none of the guards reported any other visitors other than that Princess servant who was looking after him. "I stabbed your vital organs, why are you still alive?"

"Because I'm immune to poison."

"That's a lie!"

"It takes time to take effect. Normal symptoms show up first, but after a while, when my senses are all numbed, things will return to normal."

So that's why Rhys was staying put. It seems like she is no match for this guy whatsoever. But that's fine; she doesn't have to deal with Rhys. The one she has to take down is Mage Kristy, at least according to the Queen. The reason why they keep appearing before the Mist Kingdom front-line soldiers isn't a coincidence. Queen J is trying to find us our match, the ones who we can take down easily with our powers. Instead of confronting somebody random on the battlefield and losing due to a lack of compatibility. It's better to strategize this way.

Ayah's thoughts broke off when a soldier entered the room. This must be Yuzuhara, "Rhys, Queen Lyn is here."

"Huh?" Rhys mumbled, "Why did she come?"

"She said she wanted to pay you a visit."

Queen Lyn? That woman-- that woman is here? Ayah felt her blood boil, and Rhys reached over and wiped out his brush. He wrote a single character in her arm, and Ayah felt her body go even number. This man shows no mercy when it concerns her, huh?

"Stay here, and don't move."

Like she could do anything even if she wanted to. Currently, her entire body felt like it was aching all over. That spell just now too... If Ayah didn't know him well, she would have assumed that he was trying to kill her.

The second Rhys left the room; Ayah slumped back on the bed. She could try escaping, but what good would that do? Nothing, it would do no good at all.

So Ayah remained laying down on the bed, and she closed her eyes.

Occasionally Ayah felt like she is floating in mid-air like a ghost. She is disconnected from the rest of the world, and yet she is leaving parts of herself in the world. Every suffering, every emotion she experiences she leaves it behind.

Mage Ayah? The cursed girl? Who is she really? When she is in that state, she is nothing, absolutely nothing at all. The only thing that keeps her sane is him.

The changes are gradual and slow that Ayah does not notice it at first. It creeps up on her until she wakes up one morning, and he is all she can think about.

Luke's eyes contain many things, wisdom, courage, fierceness, and bravery.

The width of his shoulders.

The strength in his hands.

His voice, the way it made her heart restless whenever he spoke.

If she were to think of him during this time, then maybe this pain would disappear.

But, she doesn't deserve him.

Ayah hasn't forgotten anything. Her mistake, the worst thing she can't ever undo. She took away something previous from Luke. And yet, yet despite all as of late she's been getting such thoughts.

She doesn't want to be hated by him.

Ayah doesn't want to be hated by Luke anymore. If he launches his hatred towards right now, it would... It would probably break her. Ayah would never have imagined that she would be so frightened at the thought of losing Luke's warmth and kindness.

If it was going to be like this, then she would have preferred that he was never kind to her at all. She doesn't want to have something if she knows she isn't able to keep it. She's so selfish. He has been so kind to her, and it has made her happy, and yet, she never deserved any of this kindness in the first place. And yet she, she wants to see more of it. She wants to feel more and more of the warmth from him.

She doesn't want to be hated by him, so she doesn't want to overstep her boundaries now.

--

40XX

"Say something."

Ayah looked at Luke puzzled, what is he talking about? And why did he suddenly get close to her? The two of them were packing up the last of her belongings before she headed out to the Mist Kingdom.

"Talk," Luke sighs deeply as he scratches his hair, letting go of her hand as he crouched down on the ground. " I know it's awkward after what occurred not too long ago. But you know I was really happy that you were straight forward with me like that. Although we've both realized that our relationships changed in contrast to before. We've never really said anything about it. For awhile we could keep on going that way. However, with the way things are now, everything's changing already. We all have to confront it, everything we've been hiding. That includes us two. I really was glad that you said that to me. Because although I can't understand very well what your thinking even now. It made me feel like I got closer to the real you."

It took Ayah a moment to register his words. She didn't think he would talk to her about this now. This must be the first time he's spoken so much too; Luke is not the type of guy who talks a lot.

"What made you think I was pretending?"

Luke looked up at her and blinked, "Because when your smiling seriously, your cheeks are always flushed... Huh, don't tell me you didn't realize that? "

Once again, this person has found it. He's discovered another trait of hers that she didn't know she had in the first place. A person such as herself does not deserve him in any way. However, Luke has always made her feel like she is someone important.

Ayah bent down and reached over to pat his hair as she smiled brightly, "I realized it just now. "

"Realize it sooner."

__

Present 4019 Snow Kingdom

But even now Ayah regrets realizing it. Although all those guys liking her have always caused such a big strain and stress on that person. At least they all cared and loved for only her. She regrets realizing anything; she regrets the change...if Ayah didn't realize things and remained ignorant. Perhaps things would not have become this complicated.

But, even if things could be salvaged, would anything have changed?