A Brave View Swirled (2)

"Now, move your attention to just below your belly button. Feel the swirl of excitement and pleasure. Allow yourself to feel guilt; for your mistakes, missteps, and lost opportunities. Accept that time moves on and pass these thoughts onto the flow of energy leaving your body. Be guiltless, and feel happy."

I don't know if she is saying these things due to my recent experiences, but I let go of the heavy guilt, pushing myself to move past it. Relief washes over me. I won't be able to learn from my mistakes if I refuse to forgive myself. Some quiet bird calls are all that fill my ears—the life of the forest moves on with me.

"Next, pass your awareness up to your solar plexus, the area just below your breast bone. Think back to the times you have been shamed or embarrassed. These are necessary limits for any group. We feel shame for violating the values of the groups we interact with. Know that it is merely a line to control your will. Allow these feelings of shame to flow out of you, and replace them with your will to power. Your drive is what allows you to grow and progress. Pull your will up into you and bathe in its power."

I think back to some awkward times in high school because I haven't felt very much shame in this world so far. Hopefully, this second chance will prevent me from making those same mistakes again. The sensation of my willpower wells up with each breath. I feel the strength of my own choices.

"Now, focus on the center of your chest, your core. Know that all love leads to grief. Feel the pain, the sorrow for those that have passed and those that are yet to come. This grief grounds us, forcing us to make tough decisions. Know this and love anyway. Allow your anguish to pour out and be filled with the love of those around you. Feel this love and cherish it."

Tears form in my eyes, but I don't move to wipe them away. I allow myself to grieve, as I couldn't earlier. The sounds of life around me seem more joyous. In particular, the love songs of the birds are more pronounced. The yearning for life is palpable in the air.

"Move your attention to your throat. Truth exists in this world, even if it isn't always clear. Think of the lies you've been told and the lies you tell yourself. These lies prevent us from expressing ourselves properly. Allow them to pass down the river, become yourself, and see the truth."

Inari's words took me back to when I was a child; someone told me that brown cows produce chocolate milk. I believed that for much longer than I'm willing to admit. We sit in silence for several minutes before Inari continues.

"Now, shift your awareness to the center of your forehead. Focus and look past the illusions around you—the illusion of choice and your senses. Dig deep to find wisdom, clarity, and understanding. Let your intuition guide you to future insight. Pass your illusions to the river flowing from you and see from your third eye."

This meditation feels like it's taken a weird turn. I struggle to find my illusions when I don't know how to identify them. The whole concept seems strange and out of place. All the thoughts I've been holding back flood my mind at the behest of these questions. I try to focus on my breathing, but Inari moves on before I can completely clear my thoughts.

"Move up to the top of your head, your crown. This is where we attach to the vast cosmos above. The ether above the sky calls on us to drop our attachments. Let go of your worldly tether. Enter the void, empty, and become free. Allow your bonds to flow along the river and be replaced by the cosmic energy coming from above."

I'm still thinking of how an illusory self can perceive illusions when she hits us with this cosmic energy bullshit. I stop paying attention and focus on my breathing. The wind tickles my neck, and an itch develops on my foot. I breathe out and drop my shoulders. Inari continues to give us occasional tips, but we mostly sit in silence for the next hour.

"Open your eyes and perceive the world around you," she says, bringing an end to our meditation. On that note, we all get up and stretch. I don't know if this is helping my perception stat, but I do feel better. It's about to get dark soon, so we gather up some fungus and prepare to head back to town. Inari seems uncomfortable about something, but I ignore the feeling. She's more than mature enough to talk about it when she wants to. Plus, she likely knows I've noticed, based on how she can basically read my mind.

"Before you go..."

[Here we go.]

I take a deep breath to prepare myself for whatever Inari is about to tell me. It can't be good, considering how she casually discusses murdering people.

"I need to show you something."

"I'm almost positive I don't want to see it."

"We stumbled upon a human child wandering around the forest." I sigh at the realization that I have to get involved now.

"I think I might know who it is." Back when we first entered the forest with our class, I remember that one of the students was lost while we were escaping the Brontobeasts. I don't know what they looked like, but it should be pretty clear if it's them based on their appearance. "Let's go have a look."

Inari smiles and leads the way to her village. Some fairies greet me, but I'm a little too distracted to respond properly. We make our way to the large tree at the center, and I see an emaciated boy tied up with vines.

"Well, it looks like you've got this under control. See you later." I turn to leave, but she flies around in front of me.

"He's been asleep since yesterday. We have to continuously cast sleep magic to make sure that he doesn't wake up. If he sees our village or even knows of it, we'll have to kill him. We can't take the chance of some human we don't know selling us out.

"Really? But you took a chance with me?"

"I could get a good read on you because of your interaction with Woohee and that other human. I was behind you, waiting for you to turn on her, but you didn't. In fact, you went as far as to verbally berate the other person instead. It was a good move on your part; I planned on killing the both of you at the first sign of danger." A shiver runs down my spine at her casual threat against my life.

"Why didn't you kill Tyrion?"

"Is that the name of the other human you were with?"

"Yeah, we generally don't get along, so I was pretty quick to yell at him."

"It seems I misread your relationship. You seemed to be close friends based on your behavior. I was willing to take a chance on you for Woohee, and I didn't want to spoil that by killing a friend of yours."

"Why take a chance on people if you're so worried about them selling you out?" Inari sighs and floats over to the boy on the ground. She runs her small hand through his hair. I quietly wait for her to speak as she stares at him silently for a few moments before turning back to me.

"We don't exist in an inherently antagonistic relationship, you and I. Many times in the past, our two species have worked together. Maybe I'm just naive, but I hold those memories very dear. We're all trying to survive in this brutal world, and it would be so much easier if we could all work together." She looks at me as if to ask for my opinion.

"Have you ever heard of game theory?"