Review Detail of The_Watermelon in Utopian System
Detalle de revisión
Revieved at ch10 which had a good character defining moment worth judging. Grammar and structure quality is good enough that it never broke immersion by itself. My main gripe and the main reason for dropping it is the MC. His motivations are solid until they suddenly arent. His father died on the frontlines and left the family poor, so poor in fact that sometimes they wake up suffocating coz they cannot afford enough air. So, ofc the MC wants to not be like him or do the same thing to his family right? Well, thats what we are told but in the defining moment he decides to be heroic and basically does the same as his father. So much for working hard and living long to help his family. But ofc he is the MC so he doesnt actually die but gets saved miraculously. He even gets *rewarded* with a rare item coz he resembles his father while being heroic (a heroic deed which, if he was not the MC, would leave his family of 6 one more member down and ruin all hopes of rising out of their miserable poor life). No regrets and good loot for him, i guess. Furthermore the MC somehow felt like he shows more reaction to his precious gear (mom's life savings) being covered in rotten stuff compared to when that gear was robbed from him(right before a life or death battle, mind you). He didnt even mention the robbery to the ONE justice upholding friendy-ish high level guy he comes across who decides to take him under protection. The cartoonishly evil bully returned the gear (fully intact) after the death battles were over, having only covered them in rotten food. Baffling sequence of events. I couldnt root for this kind of MC or even his opponents. Well, read it you are able to get past that kinda stuff.
Utopian System
Dagzo
Le gusta a personas 1
me gustaRespuestas2
The author responded to the criticisms i had (in comments) and have mentioned that quite a few points would be made clearer further into the story, so kudos to them. Sadly, i cannot like what i do not like (the MC) and i do feel like my review still stands by what i read. I wish the author the best of luck.
Thank you for taking the time to read and provide such detailed feedback. I appreciate your thoughts, and I’d like to address some of the points you’ve raised. First, I understand your frustration with Elio’s decision-making. His motivations do seem contradictory on the surface, but this is intentional. Elio is young and struggling with the complexities of his circumstances. He desperately wants to avoid his father's fate, yet he finds himself drawn to the same path due to his "hero complex". It’s not a rational decision, and that’s part of his journey... Realizing that he has these flaws and grappling with them as he matures. His actions aren't always the best, and that can be frustrating, but it's part of his character arc. As for the miraculous save and the reward he receives, it’s true that if Elio weren’t the main character, the outcome would likely be very different. The world he’s in values heroism, even if it’s reckless, and that’s why Lucien rewards him while also acknowledging that it was a stupid move. The story explores the tension between idealism and practicality, and Elio’s struggles are a reflection of that. Regarding the gear being returned in a less-than-logical manner, it’s a fair point. The sequence of events is meant to highlight the chaotic nature of the world Elio inhabits, where justice isn’t always straightforward, and even cartoonishly evil characters have their own twisted sense of honor. Varick's reasons to do that are also addressed later but... I can see how it might come across as baffling, and I'll take your feedback into account for future chapters. I’m sorry the story didn’t resonate with you as much as I’d hoped, but I truly appreciate you sticking with it through the tenth chapter and sharing your thoughts. I’ll continue to work on improving the narrative and character development to make the journey more cohesive. Thanks again for your time and insights! (∿°○°)∿ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ǝʌol