Review Detail of JohnDoer in Exiled

Well. The idea is wonderful and so huge, original. I mean, it can be developed into something very interesting. Is this Earth our Earth? Will all the people acquire a game system cause of this new god? It's just the grammar that confuses the reader. Also, i see you have the same problem with overusing the word "then" just like me. I would suugest you to delete the unnecessary ones as I always do when final editing. This word, it just slows down the pace. Overall. Interesting work with a potential to become something big! Just keep it up!