Firewolf1996

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From what I started reading, to now this! 🤗 🔥 You have improved your story so much, apart from a few words here and there there’s barely any Ai left. You have become such an excellent writer in a few days 😅 You’ve done an amazing job at putting your own twist on the story, it flows really well and you’ve learnt well An amazing job 👍 your deserve credit

Excellent work, definitely recommend reading, story is captivating and writer takes on suggestions :) I love how the writer has made each characters description thorough and the characters personalities are portrayed in their actions E.g - kicking things just because they can I love the alternate world concept, the rags to riches style writing but as males, instead of females. I believe this makes the story intriguing. I’m not one to read these types of books but this book definitely captivated my attention Can’t wait until the story is completed Fantastic job 🤗

Thankyou so much for reading and writing a review, I’m not entirely sure how you would put this into a comic, I am on discord if that’s an option to connect

Oh I love the way you changed this :) sounds great

Landing with a soft splash

Yh , it helps to keep the story flowing For ex We walked through the jungle quickly, crossing trails and rivers, while talking between ourselves ‘Do you like the jungle?’ I ask ‘I’ve lived here my whole life, it’s always been the same …. …. Once we have reached the end of the trail, we walk to the barn, allocated in the middle of the field. I’ve always lived in the barn, it’s always been my home. Hopefully that gives you an idea on the 1st and 3rd person and how it should be like :) it’s just a quick example

Will definitely be reading and commenting more, it’s a good read, apart from the failed AI aspect it’s a good story so far :) keep up the good work, would love to see some of my suggestions used or parts edited for a better descriptive scene, hoping I’m not bombarding you with changes 😂 you don’t have to use any if you don’t want to, just maybe reread your chapters and go from there :) if you decide to amend the AI will not stand out as much, you want the story to have a piece of you, let your readers feel that In your writing

That’s what I’m saying if it’s a talking seen ideally it should be first person as it helps it to flow otherwise it feels bulleted Like he said this she said this, that’s where it should swap to keep the reader engaged

No 😂 just giving pointers, advice and suggestions, it’s called feedback anyway from what I’ve read so far it could really become a decent story, I don’t usually read these sort of books but what you have already definitely pulled me in