Blood_soaked_bar

For anyone who is curious about the corruption that the chaos God can inflict on you, you can watch this video which will show you what will happen if you fall under the hand of Slaanesh one of the God of chaos.

Overall Rating: ★🌔☆☆☆ (1.6/5) 1- Writing Quality: ★★☆☆☆ (2/5) The writing is okay, but it feels a bit rough around the edges and not very engaging. 2- Update Stability: ★★★☆☆ (3/5) It’s not the best, but it’s not the worst either—updates come along with some consistency. 3- Story Development: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) The pacing is totally out of control. The story jumps so fast that it skips over key moments, making it feel more like a rushed summary than a well-developed narrative. There are also plenty of logical inconsistencies that pull you right out of the immersion. 4- Character Design: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) Characters come off as super flat. The protagonist gets married by chapter 3, has a 10-year-old son by chapter 4, and somehow controls one of the biggest business empires in the world by chapter 5—with hardly any time for growth or real development. 5- World-Building: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) World-building is almost non-existent. All we know is that the protagonist works in Chinatown, and that’s about it. ⸻ Review: First: The pacing is way too fast. By chapter 3, the protagonist is already married and has a child. Then, by chapter 4, 10 years have passed, and his son is already a decade old. Come chapter 5, another decade flies by, and suddenly he controls a huge business empire. And by chapter 6, 14 more years pass in the blink of an eye. It’s impossible to get attached to any of these events when everything happens so quickly—it feels more like a fast-forwarded summary than a real, engaging story. Second: There are some pretty big logic gaps. Take the currency issue, for example. The protagonist starts with $100, but the story doesn’t bother to explain that money meant something very different in 1940. Today, $100 might not go very far, but back then, it could cover a month’s expenses—with rent for a decent room (including bathroom and living room and two bedroom) being around $30. These small details matter and ignoring them makes the setting feel off. Third: The characters just don’t have any depth. It’s hard to really care about the protagonist or anyone else because they’re not given room to breathe. We barely learn anything about what they look like, how they think, or how they change over time. The fact that he gets married in chapter 3 and we see his son already 10 years old by chapter 4 shows just how rushed everything is. There’s no time for real bonding or for us to connect with these characters. Fourth: World-building is almost completely skipped. Other than knowing the guy works in Chinatown, we don’t learn much about the world he lives in. There’s no explanation of how alchemy works, how society reacts to these powers, or how he manages to control over a business empire in less than two decades. With constant time skips, it’s hard to feel like you’re really in a fully realized world. ⸻ Final Thoughts: The core idea—a guy getting transported into the Marvel Cinematic Universe with the power of alchemy—is honestly awesome. But the way it’s executed is way too rushed. The constant time skips and lack of development make it feel like you’re just reading a highlight reel instead of getting to know a real story. If the author slowed down the pacing, gave the characters some room to grow, and built out the world more, it could really take off. Right now, it just feels like one big speedrun through a story that could be so much richer.

And he can use the genetic modification to have Asgardians lifespan.

I use AI help to find all of this. Lifespan Limit with the Dark Dimension’s Power With continued use of the Dark Dimension’s energy, there might not be a natural lifespan limit. Dormammu’s realm is outside of time, meaning the Ancient One could potentially live indefinitely as long as they continued drawing from it. However, in the MCU, she foresaw her own death and accepted that even extended life must end eventually. So, theoretically immortal with the Dark Dimension’s power, but in practice, still vulnerable to death by other means. And he communes the genetic modification to have Asgardians lifespan. In Marvel Comics and the MCU, Asgardians have an exceptionally long lifespan but are not truly immortal. Their lifespan varies based on sources, but generally: Average Lifespan of an Asgardian: • MCU: Around 5,000 years (Thor: The Dark World suggests this). • Comics: Typically several thousand years, with some living up to 10,000 years or more. Exceptions & Extended Lifespans: Some powerful Asgardians can live even longer due to magic, divine status, or artifacts: • Odin: Over 5,000 years old in the MCU, potentially much older in comics. • Bor (Odin’s father): Lived tens of thousands of years before dying. • Hela: Much older than Thor, possibly over 7,000 years old in the MCU. While they age extremely slowly, they can still be killed in battle, through injuries, or by powerful entities. The way you can increase the lifespan of yourself or other people. In Marvel Comics and the MCU, there are multiple ways to extend lifespan, ranging from magic and science to cosmic artifacts and divine power. The highest limit varies based on the method used, but some characters can achieve functional immortality or exist beyond time itself. ⸻ Ways to Extend Lifespan in Marvel 1. Natural Longevity (Species-Based) • Some species have inherently long lifespans, such as: • Asgardians (5,000+ years) • Eternals (functionally immortal) • Celestials (god-like lifespan) • Vampires (immortal unless killed by specific means) ⸻ 2. Magic & Mystic Arts • Dark Dimension Energy (Ancient One) – Slows or halts aging by tapping into Dormammu’s power. • Sorcery & Spells (Doctor Strange, Baron Mordo) – Some spells can slow aging or restore youth. • Demonic Pacts (Mephisto, Chthon) – Selling one’s soul or making deals with powerful beings can grant immortality. • Asgardian & Olympian Magic – Some gods extend their lifespan through divine magic. Limit: Can grant functional immortality, but most users are still vulnerable to death by external means. ⸻ 3. Science & Technology • Super Soldier Serum Variants (Steve Rogers, Red Skull) – Slows aging but doesn’t grant true immortality. • Regenerative Healing Factor (Wolverine, Deadpool, Hulk) – Effectively prevents aging and makes them very hard to kill. • Cloning & Mind Transfer (Arnim Zola, Mr. Sinister) – Some characters avoid death by transferring consciousness into new bodies. • Cyborg Enhancements (Deathlok, Ultron) – Replacing the body with cybernetic parts to eliminate aging. Limit: Healing factors allow for centuries-long lifespans, but users can still be killed. Mind transfer and cloning have no natural limit but require maintenance. ⸻ 4. Cosmic & Divine Power • Infinity Stones (Reality & Time Stones) – Can alter time, restore youth, or make someone ageless. • Phoenix Force – Can resurrect and grant immortality to hosts. • Galactus’ Power Cosmic – Bestows cosmic longevity and near-godlike durability. • Cosmic Entities (Living Tribunal, Eternity, Death) – Some exist outside time and are truly immortal. Limit: No natural end. Some beings exist indefinitely or outside time entirely. ⸻ Highest Possible Limit The absolute highest form of lifespan extension in Marvel would be: 1. Becoming a Cosmic Entity – Characters like The Living Tribunal, Death, or Eternity are beyond mortality. 2. Being a True Godlike Being – The One Above All is omnipotent and eternal. 3. Outside-Time Existence – Some characters (e.g., Beyonders, Kang variants, Cosmic Abstracts) exist beyond normal time and can’t “die” in a traditional sense. For most mortals, the Dark Dimension’s power, Phoenix Force, or Infinity Stones offer practical immortality, but cosmic beings are the only ones with true, limitless existence.

Overall Rating: ★★☆☆☆ (2.8/5) 1- Writing Quality: ★★★★★ (5/5) Despite the AI influence, the writing itself is solid and well-structured. 2- Update Stability: ★★★★★ (5/5) The author is very consistent with updates, which is great. 3- Story Development: ★★☆☆☆ (2/5) The story has potential, but logical inconsistencies and excessive filler disrupt its flow. 4- Character Design: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) Characters feel shallow, lacking meaningful development and depth. 5- World-Building: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) The world-building is extremely minimal, barely present in 49 chapters. ⸻ Review: First: The story feels heavily influenced by AI. The way dialogue is structured, how topics are presented, and the strange mix of first-person and third-person perspectives make it disorienting. Conversations also feel unnatural because of the way character emotions and descriptions are inserted, making it seem like there’s an external narrator commenting on their speech. This breaks immersion and affects the overall storytelling. Second: There is a lot of filler. It’s not just info-dumping—it’s text dumping. Many sections feel like they were added just to increase word count, and I noticed that about a quarter of each chapter is repeated in the next one without a real purpose. This slows the story down and makes it less engaging. Third: There are logical inconsistencies. For example, the protagonist is supposed to be a primordial swordsman, yet he primarily uses a spear while also practicing with a bow, daggers, and other weapons. This makes his role unclear. There are also other plot holes that make it difficult to follow the logic of the story. Fourth: The character design feels underdeveloped. This isn’t just about the protagonist—every character lacks depth. There’s no real buildup to their personalities, making them feel one-dimensional. It’s hard to connect with them when their motivations and backgrounds aren’t fleshed out. Fifth: The main character is given everything from the start, removing any real sense of struggle or tension. By chapter 49, it already feels like any upcoming enemy will be effortlessly defeated, which makes it hard to stay invested. A story is much more engaging when a protagonist has to work for their success. Sixth: There’s a lack of character development. For example, when a character is introduced as funny or as someone who jokes around with the imperial commander, it feels like it was meant to be built up over previous chapters—but that development never actually happens. It makes me suspect that some important interactions got lost due to AI-generated writing. Seventh: The world-building is almost non-existent. Across 49 chapters, the entire world-building effort is limited to just three to five paragraphs. This is a missed opportunity because a strong setting would make the story much more immersive. ⸻ Final Thoughts: The core idea of the story is good, but it needs work in character development, story progression, and world-building. One major change I’d suggest is removing the supreme being. Instead of having the protagonist get extra advantages from an all-powerful entity, let him reincarnate with his ship and gradually grow into his power over time. This would make his journey more rewarding and create more natural challenges. I’m not saying you shouldn’t use AI for your story. In fact, I use AI myself—this review was AI-assisted to help correct grammar, spelling, and sentence structure. However, over-reliance on AI-generated writing is hurting your story because AI isn’t advanced enough yet to craft a deep, engaging narrative on its own. If I were to give advice, I’d suggest using AI for brainstorming—things like world-building, character design, and political tension—but write the story yourself. Then, let AI help with editing grammar and structure. You can also use AI to identify logical loopholes, but you should fix them yourself to maintain the story’s integrity. I believe the story has potential, but it needs more human touch and depth to truly shine.

I thought his class was a primordial swordsman.

So, let me get this straight—he doesn’t have magic; he’s just very smart?

I was expecting more world-building and insight into his struggles rather than just his daily shenanigans-like what he wants to eat and how he's broke afterward. That said, your warning was valid. I don't actually mind this type of novel, but what I enjoy more is a balance between action and relaxation, rather than just one or the other. Your novel, from the beginning until now, has been entirely focused on relaxation. Nothing is really happening-he's just enjoying his life, which makes it a bit boring. That's all.

The story is good overall, but there’s a bit of a logic issue. Since he’s a wizard from Hogwarts, he’d have to make a contract with the Vishanti to learn sorcery, which basically means selling his soul to them after he dies. That just feels unnecessary when he already has his own magic, which could become just as powerful if developed properly. It’s kind of disappointing to see him go down that route when he has other options. Instead of fully committing to sorcery, why not have him just study it and take inspiration from it instead? He could break down how the Ancient One and other sorcerers use magic and then adapt those techniques into his own style—without needing to rely on some cosmic entity that wants his soul. Another idea is for him to develop his own unique magic based on what he learns. He could figure out how sorcerers manipulate energy and find a way to do something similar using his own magical abilities. Maybe he creates new spells, enchantments, or a whole different way of casting that mimics sorcery without actually becoming a sorcerer. He could also use things like alchemy, runes, or magical artifacts to achieve similar results without making any dangerous deals. Instead of pulling energy from other dimensions like sorcerers do, maybe he taps into ley lines, creates enchanted tools, or finds other magical workarounds. Another cool angle would be for him to find an alternative mentor—someone who isn’t tied to the Vishanti but still knows powerful magic. There’s gotta be lost knowledge or forgotten techniques out there that could let him do some crazy stuff without getting himself roped into a soul-binding contract. Honestly, learning from the Ancient One isn’t a bad idea, but going full sorcerer and selling his soul feels unnecessary when he’s already got so much potential. If it were me, I’d have him take what’s useful from sorcery and make it his own instead of just following the usual path. That way, he stands out more and doesn’t have to deal with the whole “owing his soul to a higher power” thing.

Overall, it’s a good story. However, it’s not for me. You should consider changing the title to The Daily Life of Florent since you seem to enjoy introducing his daily routine in painful detail—not even useful details, just the mundane aspects of his life.