Max_I_4248

The beginning looks bad. As if "more garbage for the sake of a pile of garbage" is needed. And all this is called luck... There are problems in the beginning: With the delivery and presentation. The emphasis on quantity, not quality. The lack of price, which devalues ​​what is there. The hero who takes everything for granted.

"To defeat veteran warriors you need to pump up your strength..." What stupid words these are. Someone who has never fought before decides to go and defeat those for whom this is life... Although considering that the hero sometimes gets characteristics for nothing - it looks sad.

Remembering Melisandre's last moments, one can only guess how old Kinvara is and what she really looks like.

Not so bad but the author forgot one "small" detail from the very beginning. Omnitrix is literally a space gadget that looks like a space gadget, it can't be removed or disguised. The character is not a child to take it for his toy. And the hero, as a real "genius", decided to hide it in plain sight and went to the army. The worst thing is that no one noticed it. It's also bad that the hero is a fanboy, and instead of living in the world, he seems to play a background role. Well, really, having received a second chance at life, the character, as an experienced suicide, decided to go to war, is he immortal or does he have convictions - no, he's just a "genius"(self-confident idiot). Focusing on history that you yourself change is also stupid. The only good thing is the hero's world problems. But the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

Marty Stu/Mary Sue

Not bad but not good either. There is a certain artificiality. Lack of depth, development of both characters and the plot as a whole. It would be nice if: More descriptions of the environment and more scenes to reveal the worlds and characters as a whole. Otherwise, it seems like the work is in a hurry, looking holey, awkward, poor and empty.

It would be logical that with the withdrawal of objects, people would receive many new threats in addition to benefits. Both obvious and not, and they are in theory countless.

Somehow stupid and pointless.

What do you mean?

A dry, superficial, ragged, boring story. Yes, it has some bright moments, but they are supported by nothing. The gradual growth, development, descriptions of characters are missing. There is no hint of logic. Since this is not applicable here due to the disunity of text fragments. Overall, the work looks more like a set of sketches than an independent work.