diddingsdddd

Not my cup of tea in terms of story. But I can say if you tighten up the dialogue tags, work on staying in present tense, you can tell a more compelling story, so readers can get a better idea of your MC personality. Her personality and motivations in this chapter seem aimless, and not deep enough. Keep these elements in mind and I'm sure you will continue to improve.

I would add a page break here, three Aserix, then place his Pov under, mainly for clarity. It is uncommon to have more than one POV in a single chapter but it can be done with page breaks.

I hear the queens have a lot of really, hot guys there. (Rewrite as you wish just avoid past tense)

"You should wake up early," she says. (Correct punctuation)

Dialogue punctuation. "I'm in a hurry mom. Later," I say. or "I'm in a hurry mom. Later." (In this case there is no need for the dialogue tag as we know who is already talking in this scene that has only two people in it.)

This would be a "mom asks" not demanded. Demands carries a negative connotation.

Try not to write reminders in your story, in this case you can you can state i dry myself before I dash into the next room, the pink towel still on my waist etc...(Avoids past tense dried)

Rewrite to avoid past tense "Interrupted, and was"

Your dialogue tag is in past tense. Be sure to stay in present.

Use a more direct sentence for clarity. I've been dating Cam since high school. etc...