GinMonroe
GinMonroe is a fantasy and scifi romance novelist. She is earning her AA at Full Sail Uni and her BFA at a different school. She likes to explore different writing genres. She is a mother to a 1yr old
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I added the edited version to this story just now.
the story is good. You have minor grammar errors, and it is easy to fix. the world you created is quite different, which makes it good and unique. keep up the hard work, and I'm looking forward to more.
This is amazing. You wrote this story beautifully. It broke my heart when a kid died though. I love this story. The way you described things were really good too. Keep up the hard work
first things first, you don't need to say Chens whole name every time. We know he is Chen Peng. 2nd, you you don't need to put ! after a sentence, just describe everything so we can feel how Chen feels or feel how the narrator is telling the story. space out your paragraphs so we know you're moving on to a different scene, like when you were talking about Chen and this old man in prison, then you did a flash back. those paragraphs should be spaced apart, and if you're doing a flashback, it should start like this... Flashbackthen this is where you show us the flashback. story is good but can be better.
Okay the story is good but you have writing errors. I'm in school majoring in creative writing and the one thing they taught me was to describe EVERYTHING. Describe what your character is feeling, don't just tell us. We have to feel what he's feeling, experiencing, we have see what he she's. This is a hard task it was hard for me at first too but trust me, try it. You should definitely go back to the beginning and start editing as well. There are some words and sentences that shouldn't be there. Take your time editing.
Writing quality is good. The beginning of the story reminded me of a Korean show I seen once where a lil girl found her mom on the floor in her bedroom dead and someone in the corner she hasn’t noticed. Turned out it was her step mom that killed her mom smh. Good book though so far and it’s different from the show I watched since your book has magic in it which is my favorite. Love books that have magic in it.
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