honestly you write really well for your first time and i loved your story. keep up the amazing work and im sure you will get the attention you deserve. -olive

pops!*

invisibility*

I'm guessing you meant chit chat? Also, you lose the flow when you say "and" in the same sentence twice. Instead, you could say, "Listen up, cease your meaningless chit chat and gather to the front." or "Listen up and cease your meaningless chit chat, come, gather to the front." Or it's okay to keep both "ands", just a suggestion though. :)