Writer_7812549

cool...................................................................................................................................................

There is a lot of good things and bad things about it Writing quality is coherent enough to understand the word of choice is simple sometimes complex but enough to understand making it feel good to read and the world background is decent, you try to stay consistent and to deepen the lore without losing the consistency and I really like how the story changes because of Horizon it feels really realistic too However that is all the good things I'll have to say Character design well uhm it's shit Horizon is a piece of garbage look I know you like evil mc's but I don't and when you make a character like that it's very hard to like him. He talks shit about everyone as if he doesn't care. He's a large hypocrite I'd get that there's character flaws in everyone but when he stays ignorant to his own mistakes for a very long time it decreases value to the story and he doesn't even redeem it with anything like intelligence or anything that can make him more likeable because he's a bit too overpowered there is no enemies that can give him a challenge that can show his intelligence, sometimes he is smart but sometimes he's dumb. He's really ignorant if he considers some profession weak like that chapter where he says therapy is for weak people but it makes him really retarded because when he has no knowledge whatsoever and he still rants on about it, it's a personal opinion but it just makes him really ignorant and an asshole. And when Midnight breaks down in that chapter it feels unrealistic because she is a Pro Hero and has seen comments much harsher than that. The crush that Momo and Jiro has for him also feels unrealistic I don't feel he's the type that they would fall in love with but that's my personal opinion but who knows right. Also the side characters feels shit too it's not because of their personality but how the time they are on your fanfic feels short maybe because you spend too much on too many characters that's fine but i feel like you should at least make them express their personalities a bit more and make me feel more care towards them because there is nothing I should care about in this fanfic not the mc or any characters in here and also about Deku he should be given more time because I feel like it is so short for him to appear in the chapter, which is like what? bro isn't he the 9th user of OFA one of the most important character in MHA, however this is just a personal opinion however it feels like a waste Story development... is also shit because of the garbage characters and the very slow pacing it feels terrible. I'm not going to wait 200 chapters to witness character development or anything to make the story feel somewhat better. And also it feels there is no rising conflicts that feel somewhat exciting maybe because of the usage of OCs are limited. With such an overpowered mc I don't feel like there is going to be a antagonist that is going to challenge him in any way. It also doesn't FEEL like the mc works hard, I know he does works hard because you wrote it into him but when there is nothing to threaten him then doesn't that hard work go to waste because it doesn't feel fulfilling in any way because there is no tension in the air that makes it feel rewarding. In short Writing quality is pretty good, world background is decent enough, you made the mc too much of an asshole and overpowered, didn't spend time to characters that also matter making them feel unimportant and unrealistic, story pacing is amplifying the terrible qualities even more no conflict, nothing that feels exciting

you're a kid bro you can't say that, or the interdimensional FBI will hear you

*but

they are called pedophiles, you know not a lot of people like to be sexually assaulted you might buy a lot of people wont

cringe

yes

It is cool, I mean I think you used original ideas like Black Tech Internet System, Game Creator in Marvel, Marvel Game Maker The Writing Quality is fine no grammar mistakes or anything of the sort (4/5) Stability of updates is good but you did take a break that is understandable but I'm dropping the score a bit (3/5) Story Development wise is a bit bad it was too fast and you should let the characters develop more. You should add more time and description for the characters like "Oh! my me so water negates fall damage" Make them discover what they found and make them interested. I know it's the beginning but you should add more interest to the viewers to pull the in. (3/5) Character Design is bad it looks rushed and 2 dimensional, you should let the characters explain what their feeling a bit in detail and exaggerate it way more after all they are anime and movie characters. Make the characters a bit different but still staying true to the original shows just to add a little spice and you should also make them talk more to make the conversation longer and more thoughts to the characters I think it's a bit short. (2/5) I think there is a lot of potential you have the multiverse an infinitely more versatile story. Don't be afraid to learn and experiment and take more advice from others and have fun with what your doing, after all it is a fanfic something to fulfil some lonely bastards and the imaganation all locked up in your brain wanting to let loose. I hope you get better at writing

dude you really don't have to force yourself. i'm kinda starting to feel bad, you really shouldn't write a Fanfic for everyone at your own mental and physical expense. You should probably take a rest when you need, to even if when your fully recovered. You probably shouldn't take risks, so I guess you wouldn't listen to a stranger. Whatever I hope you get well soon. Best of Wishes... I guess

Cool. you really didn't pull any punches. The Writing Quality feels great, not perfect, but not over the top and considering in this platform where writing is almost nonexistent it might as well be perfection (5) Stability of updates is great( 5) Some character development should feel a bit forced but you made it natural.(5) Character design is great, you made a realistic scumbag, and a realistic person which is MC, You should add a POV to the girls so as to make the antagonist more of a scumbag and the girls less 2d. (4) World Background is also great, it's a perfect copy but you made it seem more realistic because of a genius move to make it different (5)