Virdan_snek
I'm introverted
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Sorry but who is this guy and why is he inside his head? did I forget something.
Brand mark
me to
It was a very fun chapter, I’m looking forward to more!
There are cars in danmachi?
Gallade is very cool to
kekw that's all the character development you need
Hmm, your point on Gil's personality and Bazett are correct, so I will take back what I said. But when I said "grammar mistakes" I meant that some of the words you wrote as dialogue can get confusing. Sorry for the miscommunication. For example in chap 11 "He was the sole survivor of the disaster that had taken numerous lives a decade ago and felt it was his duty to help others for the so many that died in his place, and for his father who sought to bring peace to the world." When you wrote "for the so many that died in his place", it was confusing and kind of tripped me while reading. But this is just one example... now that I'm re-reading your story again, Im seeing a lot of problems like these and it's tripping the reader's "flow" if you understand.
The writing is pretty bad because of grammar mistakes. When reading I have to constantly ignore or interpret what the characters are saying. And I know this is a fanfic, but when the Mc first meets Gilgamesh I felt that gil is a OOC. The way he speaks to the mc is full of arrogance, which is normal. However Gilgamesh makes fun of the MC for being loyal, this is something that Gilgamesh would never do. As a king gil likes loyalty and would most likely call him a mongrel and ignore him. But hey, this is a fanfic, you can make the characters say whatever you want. I just fell that the way bazett, and gilgamesh act is not really in character.
some of the paragraphs need to be re-read because they don't flow that well, but I Iike the story so far.
This is so relatable it’s not even funny
yeah, and apparently it also helps with physical fighting
He’s half Japanese if anyone’s won dering
Loki be speaking to 6 yr olds