Siegfried_Shepherd

There's somethin called plan b ain't that big of a deal

My main and really only complaint here is how little Niggross shows Ori doing nothing in combat. whenever Ori is fighting in a group he gets little to no cool moments in feels like he's just being carried by Six, Max, and Rebecca like it doesn't make sense for him to be the leader of the group first of all and it doesn't make sense he's part of the group at all not to mention that his choice of weapons is poor, he's described to no be a muscle head yet he uses an lmg I think that an overwatch revolver or unity would be more suited to him, all in all I hope that the author researches actual cyberpunk game builds and choses the cold blooded gunslinger build for him which I believe would be the most practical build for how Ori is described and gives him more badass moment like shooting a guy between the eyes from 50ft away and other cool moments

Thanks for the chap

The MC, Is bad like really bad there is absolutely no reason for him to be the MC. He's not a strategist, he's not a sly profiteer, he's not charismatic. He's just a normal dude. That might sound good but no, It's really not because every time there's a problem he doesn't have the foggiest idea on how to fix it and walks around like a moron asking everyone how to fix it. When your going to write a novel from someone's perspective the novel will get boring if the MC is boring or stupid or just generally way less competent than his advisors at everything he's not good at anything. I understand not wanting your MC to be a garysue but making him boring with nothing he's good at is not the answer to a garysue, this novel would be a 5/5 for me if the MC was special in anyway, everything but the mc is done exemplary well the author clearly took his time to create this world and it shows but the MC for me takes it down to a three.....................................

Overall the narration is ok could use some work but the dialogue is where you need to focus right now, it sounds un-natural and flows weirdly like for instance above when introducing dexter's party you could of done "How are you doing" instead of what's going on this would make it more sensible when dexter replies "We're doing just fine" also use more slang like "what're you doing"

But not everyone is a soldier, most are day to day farmers and half of the population by medieval standards are not it to be soldiers, also there are children to young to be soldiers and those to unfit

It's a roller coaster or a dumpster fire you can't stop watching good because it's so bad

'Sorry Link I don't give credit come back when your a little hm, richer'

Trade too

You should get a discord where you can run idea's by people and help getting inspiration on how a character would react to cerion's actions like for instance him saving a stark and what would tywin do in response you could ask the discord what they think he would do