RedBeard73

I’m optimistic with the story so far, I like a lot of what I’ve seen, and the future is pretty open with a lot of potential. It is however, not perfect. I think Adam and Eve accepted him as their new son a little too quickly without much confusion. I am worried about the personalities of a lot of the characters, especially Ruby, with the gender role changes. The reason so many people like the girls in RWBY isn’t just because they are bueatiful, but because of their personalities, and I’m very worried those are going to change, Ruby we have already seen be less innocent, which is a big part of her character. I also do not like how open the MC was with Ozpin. Ozpin is willing to use those around him, especially children, to fight in his never ending war, sending them off to certain death. He manipulates others and only tells them what he wants them to know, so to willingly give him all of this info seemed like a really dumb idea. The only way I can see this not being a problem is if you change the character of Ozpin to a better person, but then he’s a much different character. This might seem like a little thing to rant so much about but it’s honestly a big sticking point for me, it along with a few other small factors, almost made me drop the story.

I don’t want the MC’s little sister to share a body with an old man, that’s gross.

I want Neo to be in his team, so what you could do is have them meet when she is twelve and become obsessed, then when she realizes he’s entering beacon she can fake her age and enter in the same year as him, making it onto his team. She is definitely short enough that she could definitely pass off as the same age as Yang. I would also like for his other teammates to be the girlfriend you mentioned, and then some Faunus, it could be an OC or some other Faunus in the story. Or if you don’t add Neo or the Faunus you could add Penny to the team instead.

I would like this, but please don’t have her find out about him until he is atleast in the school, maybe he helps stop one of Cinder’s plans and then Cinder tells Salem about a man who can use magic. Salem uses a Grimm to spy on him and then she quickly falls in love with him after watching him for a bit

I really like this, give him an active quest for each world to help fulfill the worlds original plot or to change it in some way, with 1 or 2 side quests to do other things, like with the Harry Potter example 1 quest could be collecting the Deathy Hollows and another could be to remove all of the death eaters from power in Wizarding society or to revive the Potter or Black families (maybe make Harry a girl or revive the Black family through Nymphadora Tonks).

As a vampire he should already heal pretty quickly and his senses should be better than others, as well as a lot faster and stronger than humans too. As for skills, you don’t need to always give him stuff for combat, especially since it’s random, some should be for more mundane stuff, like Demeter’s green thumb for growing plants or smithing proficiency so he can make his own weapons and armor, or even a skill for better swimming, it could be anything. As for items you could give him weapons or grimoirs for learning new magic or stuff for different professions like alchemy or smithing.

A lot of people complain about the prologue, and while it was definitely too long, I like how he has a difficult childhood and isn’t just some instant power fantasy gratification story, but I wanted to see him rise up from his past and prove himself better than his past, to become a hero that wanted to make sure no one has to go through what he did. Instead he just becomes an overpowered arrogant prick that I just want to see kicked in the teeth a few times and humiliated.

MC is an unlikable arrogant prick that hates the idea of being a hero. The FF started really well, but it slowly started to get worse and worse, really falling when the MC tells the police chief to his face that he will kill his enemies in the future. The MC just gets progressively worse until he starts knocking people out in school and acting like an asshole to everyone. Some people will say “he had a difficult 2 lives” and some bullshit, but no matter how difficult your life was doesn’t mean you get to act like an asshole. No excuse you could make would make me like this MC, and the way the girls just ignore how bad his personality is towards other people is stupid, especially Momo who sees how he treats his classmates and even heroes.

This is stupid

Has far too much banter between the MC and Death, every chapter is full of them making jokes or flirting, and it’s just a bunch of generic lines you’ve seen a hundred times and unfunny or cringy jokes, it takes away from the current scene. It also desperately needs a proof read and an editor because it’s full of wrongly used words and sentences that make no sense whatsoever. I liked the concept but it feels like the supporting characters are so bland and underutilized, they feel nothing like their actual characters from the anime. Part of this is because the MC spends way more time talking with Death than the characters actually in the scene that there is no room for them despite being the ones the scene is supposed to revolve around.