A sad (lies) turn of events

My name is Jason average 25 year old otaku. My life until now was a mishap of failures constantly disappointing my family.

My adopted family that is.

I was always told to do something with my life. Whether it is getting a good job, being rich or even becoming a doctor.

But I always lacked the ambition for anything. For me it was always the bare minimum that would make me happy.

I didn't need anything fancy for myself but that wasn't enough for my parents.

No matter what I did nothing would be enough, when I did good in school they'd say do better whenever I did bad they'd call me a disappointment.

When I was 8 I met my biological parents or at least my dad. He told me that I was given up to adoption because I wasn't a girl, quite odd if I would say so myself.

After that meeting my life became far worse than what it already was.

My already building insecurities became even worse. Words like "act like a man" started to wear down my mind, and when I turned 18 it hit a breaking point.

So I ran away.. I didn't want anything to do with my family at that time so I ran away with the savings I made after I turned 16.

I left and started anew doing what mundane things made me happy. Anime was a thing that I could not get enough of, it was like drugs.

Anime's like: one piece, so I'm a spider so what and fairy tail became my favourites.

Eventually we come to today, episode 990 comes out for one piece.

........….

*Yawn* "Hmm, what time is it?" I spoke out to nobody as I checked my phone. [8:33 Pm Saturday]. 'Wait a sec-!' I screamed in my mind before jumping out of my bed and running to my kitchen.

'A new one piece episode came out?!' I thought as I ran. Taking a look again at my phone I started swiping to see the name of the new episode.

'Hmm, Thunder Bagua! Here comes Kaidos Son??? Fuck what am I doing with my life? I'm watching this now!'

So there I was watching Ulti get absolutely obliterated by Kaidos son with a Thunder Bagua.

"Now, I may not know what he looks like but it's a-ok. No problem seen here, although he would be a peak waifu if he was an oni girl."

As I was thinking out loud about how crazy it would be if cool oni man was a chick, I realized! I don't have All Dressed chips with Dr Pepper. That's what was missing, I'm an idiot.

Even though I wanted to go right away I had to procrastinate, it's in my blood.

.....(30 minutes later)...….,

'Shit, my lungs are rated F for failure!' I internally screamed because I can't scream out because of these trash bags I call lungs.

"Haaaaa! Finally one more cross walk then I'm home! Wait it's at 14 seconds.. AWAKEN HERMES!!!"

*BEEEEP!*

———————————————————————

So, there I was. About to get absolutely decimated by a truck, not just any truck but Truck-kun to be exact.

As I stared at the truck I had my entire life flash before my eyes, everything from my lowest to my best was there.

I began to think about what could I have done better, whether it be focus on school or ignore those around me.

But these regrets will always be unfulfilled I guess..

"Well fuck"

*BOOOOOOOOM!!!*

——————————————————————-

("..." is mc and […] is ??? Speaking aloud and {thinking} Hahahaha you don't get to know ???')

"Am I dead?? Fuck and I was a virgin until the end. *sigh*"

[Nai-wa, totally nai-wa…]

"…"

[…]

"What the hell.. Are you a cosplayer by any chance?"

{nai-wa! How did she get me into this? It must be that naming bullshit}

[no..]

"…"

'Fuck that's totally a cosplayer like how is she going to say nai-wa and have that appearance, Then proceed to say no? She must be a shameless individual I must stay vigilant'

"Uhm… well I'm guessing I died and was transported here, so what are we to do now?"

*Pulls out a notebook*

[well, I guess I'll reincarnate you with three wishes into any world of your choosing] (written on notebook in black sharpie, no way ??? Has the capacity to say that out loud)

"Umu, I see it's like a cliché reincarnation novel huh.. can I think about my wishes?"

[sure..]

'Hmmm, alright let's think. First of all I'd say one piece would be nice but I'd get booty smacked if I don't have any training starting from childhood… wait? Kaido's son! If I pick him I'll get a strong because of his bloodline and it won't be too OP since they probably won't do that bs. I got it!'

"First wish would be to reincarnate me into so I'm a spider so what as Kaido's son from one piece. Also can you make the clothes and weapons items bound to my soul? Also make me one of the classmates so we all reincarnate at the same time but make it so I mature far faster rivalling well, you?"

[like the one with the samurai clothes and shackles right? Also sure I can bind the items and deal with all that stuff]

"Yeah! Also yes that one"

{what the nai-wa that's a girl.. should I tell him? Nah.. I'm too lazy -_-}

'Hmmmm for my second wish? Instantaneous mastery would be nice but I must specify… I've seen far to many books where the Mc just straight up gets scammed.'

"Instantaneous mastery over any skill, be it: devil fruit, haki, ryuo, magic, etc.. put simply if it requires knowledge or muscle memory I will understand how to use it based on all prior users. So for magic it goes from level 1 to max. Or auto evolves into the next tier repeating the process"

{if only I got that when I reincarnated my life would have been so much easier}

[ok…]

'Last one huh.. matte! What if. ZEHAHAHHAHAHA!!!' (He is thinking if the thing he specifies will have the exact properties of what he wants and what would be. Therefore he doesn't have to say it out loud and forget stuff)

"I want a custom made Sun-Sun devil fruit without the weaknesses, also as an extra question. Can I use haki, ryou and the various forms"

{totally nai-wa, well I'm not dealing with this dude I'll just tell ???? To do this}

[yes..]

"Wait that's I-" (if you are confused about this part, that's just the Mc being like "that's it? No briefing or whatever?")

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

———————————————————————

Suddenly a massive hole appeared right under me with no visible end. And I fell right into it like a comedic loony toons episode"

So I was free falling through the void.. Would it be the ginnungagap? Hmm, a question to be answered on the next episode of Dragon ball Z.

"Na- Nani… I see the light! Has my time come? To be the strongest oni man alive muhahahahh"

.......

So I couldn't see shit after coming out of the womb, and the first thing that happened was me getting slapped on the ass.

——————(pov his new mother)——————

*WAAAAAAAH!! WAAAAAAAH!!*

"It's a healthy child ma'am! What would you like to name it?"

"Ya-Yamato, I would like to name her Yamato.."

*slammmm*

"Where is my daughter! What'd you name her? You said it's a surprise.. you better have named her well!"

"Shhhh.. stop being so loud honey. She's trying to sleep can't you see?"

"Oh.. hehe well sorry"

——————(pov Mc)——————

'She???? No way.. no fucking way!'

Turns out I'm a girl, oh my I only wanted to be a cool oni man but it seems I'll have to be a cool oni girl.

I'm going to cry a river, my little brother, my best friend.. it's gone reduced to atoms.

Quite the turn of events if I would say so myself. It seems that my dad is a oni and my mom is a human knight.

But from what I've seen my parents are far better than my last. I guess it would be understandable because they seem to love each other thus loving me who is the embodiment of their love.

...…..

Until now I've never realized the tastiness of breast milk. It's so good, if this was food wars I'd be having a foodgasm right now.

But I'm a bit tired so I'm going to sleep now.. *yawn*

(Will our cute little oni protect the world or be the one that ends it? Find out next episode on dragon ball z)