Thickest Plot Armors

Ever wondered how shitty a plot could be? Picked up a stone on the side of a road. "Is this the legendary Palace of Divine Dragon Empress?!" "Hmm? Brat, who are you?! How dare you awaken this Emperess!" . Bought a normal average steel sword. "Wait? Is this the Eternal Heavenly Sword?" "Hmm? Are you my new master?" . Went to a merchant, bought a ring with the cheapest price. "...The Divine Spirit Ring!" "..."