The Villainess Wants to Die!

"Ranran, your brother needs money to start his business. Your elder sister already has a husband now, so it is not appropriate to ask her. Only you can help your brother." Li Ran's mother tweeted nonstop on the phone. It is only the same tune every time and it always ends up in a fight she is doomed to lose.

"Mom, I really don't have any money to lend Junting. I've already given all my savings to him on his last 'business' and he still hasn't paid me back." Li Ran is indeed helpless, all of her savings have been used up and she already has a loan under her name all for the sake of the Li family's youngest and only son.

"Why should your brother have to pay you back? Did I ask you to pay back all the money we spent on you growing up? How could you even think that way for your only brother?" Mother Li is indignant.

"Your brother becoming successful is the greatest thing for us and for you. Can't you see that he is the dragon our family prayed for?" Mother Li continued to rant on the phone.

"Li Ran, if not for me deciding to keep you, do you think you will be born safely? Your father did not want another daughter. I kept you, so doing this for me and your brother is enough compensation for letting you in this world!" Mother Li righteously spoke as if she is indeed morally correct.

Li Ran's family is a patriarchal type of family, they value sons more than daughters but her elder sister is an exception. Since she is the first child, even if a daughter she is still well-loved by the family.

When she, the second daughter was born, she became their greatest disappointment. Ever since they knew that her mother is carrying another girl in her womb nobody cared anymore. When she was born, her sister told her that their father did not come to the hospital and stayed at work and her mother chuck her on a nanny they hired for her.

Her grandparents only paid attention to her elder sister and never bothered to come on her birthdays, just sending perfunctory red packets and nothing else. For all of them, it is enough that they let her live but she is never important. When she was young, she craved attention and tried hard to impress her family.

Every year is an accumulation of disappointments until she was 14 years old, that she started to stop hoping for familial love. Her elder sister is 'good' to her, giving her hand me downs and sharing things she has, and even telling her stories about their parents. At first, she is happy but as she grew older she realized that her sister's 'goodness' is just a way for her to feel a sense of superiority. Not to compare but she is often told she is more beautiful than her sister, but what is the use of beauty if she is not cherished by those she cared about. She did not break face from her sister but Li Ran slowly alienated herself from her and the rest of the family.

Her brother, who was born 2 years after her, is the most cherished son of the family. He is spoiled rotten by everyone that they are not aware they had made him a lazy and stupid jerk.

To 'fit' in the family, she rarely disobeyed her parents and learned to give but never receive. She is used to feeling alone especially when she is at their parent's house.

After a few seconds of silence, she replied a sentence and hung up the phone. "I gave him a car last year, sell it and he'll have his startup money." Her phone rang a few seconds after hanging up but she did not answer.

Her head is aching as her anxiety level gets higher, she reached inside the top drawer of her office desk and took a bottle of medicine. She took a pill and drank it with the cold tea on her desk. She has antidepressant pills and anxiety pills that were prescribed to her by her psychiatrist.

She developed depression over the years and it was not until she had suicidal ideations that she decided to seek professional help in secret. It was her University professor that saw signs of her depression and advised her to get help. At first, she denied the possibility, yes she is lonely but she thought it was natural to feel lonely in a house full of people who don't care for her. She is unloved because she is not worthy and is just an extra middle child that nobody wants.

At the age of 19, when she started working, she lived in the university dorm and engaged in different sports and exciting activities. She learned to race a car for the money, then, she went paragliding, bungee jumping, and rock climbing feeling the immense thrill of danger. So when her professor told her she seems to be depressed, she just shrugged it off.

It was not until after graduation and she started working at Jron Gaming Corp. That she started to doubt herself, she got the job she wanted but even laughing with colleagues, she can't seem to feel real joy and even had thoughts of dying. She is startled by the idea and hesitantly contacted her old professor and finally agreed to be introduced to a psychiatrist in secret.

She did not feel any better except for accepting the fact she is different from other people. She had been losing sleep and weight since high school and never felt happy. At first, she thought it was normal for her to be that way but now she knew she was wrong. Her doctor prescribed her pills for her insomnia, anxiety, and depression.

The sleeping pills were something she asked her doctor to give her but she was advised against it to not let her be reliant on meds to sleep. She was asked to socialize more because she preferred to be cooped in her small apartment.

After a few months of socializing with friends and colleagues, she met her current boyfriend and fiance, Jun Minghao. He was introduced by her best frienc. After interacting with him and developing a relationship more than a friendship, she felt she is getting better because of Minghao's existence.

She felt there is a future for her after all. She laughs more, she is not as sluggish as in the past, and is able to concentrate on her work as a character designer. Her work is improving at a fast speed and she is now assigned to a big visual novel game project "The Moonfeather". At the age of 28, she finally felt a sense of belongingness.

She took deep breaths, she has stable work, an unexpected but beautiful love, and a house she could call her own. Her family could pester her, but she won't falter, because around her, there is someone and something, she could call her own; it was not a hand me down nor given perfunctory out of pity, but hers alone. She gained them with her own hands and work. She stood up, took her bag, and logged out for the day. No overtime today, and she went out of her office with a stable mind.