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THE LAST HEIRESS OF OBLONSKY, BEATRIX

The sound of guns... The darkness... The smoke... Then, oblivion. Everyday, I am haunted by my nightmares. Everytime the thunder roll and lightning strikes, I shivered. Looking outside my window, I am writing my daily journal and poetry today... To release all the pains and tensions from my past. And I wrote.. December 18, 1980 Myshkin, Russia My beloved, Have you ever ask yourself... What's your life purpose? If.. Are you doing the right thing? Are you on the verge of confusion, loneliness, unhappiness and being stagnant? Day dreaming into your own world? Too much questions filled in your heart and mind. Too much of everything that you don't want. Too much! To clear out my confusion and to have more clarity about myself, I dig deeper inside me. Reminiscing my childhood moments and cherish them. Facing the darkest and painful moments of my memories. Those memories of repeating horror, memories of loss, memories of death. Yes, I did face it all. I cried hard. After decades of those patterned memories... This is the first time that I realized.. How I treated myself so badly. And I really wanted to give back to myself. By appreciating my past. Appreciate yourself more... Love yourself more... And you will discover more... I have discovered each words, all feelings, expression, harmony just fits well to take steps in writing this poem for my past. ***A LETTER FOR MY PAST SELF*** My dearest self in the past... I have been visiting you lately in a vast... You are carefree, immature and FEARLESS, You go out more, loving the sun and grasses, Full of sweat and sun-kissed from above. Joyous days, feet touching stones and green Oh How glorious those days have been Flowing like water in every storms within And wind touches, caressing my skin Telling me, It's ok dear, everything has it's purpose". A path full of journey and a dead rose All those rise and fall, I am with you... All those tears and laughter, I am with you... I am always with you til the end of time. You have no choice, we are both destined. Oh loving sun and dreamy moon, Grace us the light in our path divine, My past self, I thank you! For the wonderful memories... In my troubled present, found peace in you. Beatrix ********************************************** As I closed my journal... I just hear my Nana's footsteps and call out. "My princess, it's dinner time. Don't forget your coat, it's a bit freezing today!." "Yes, coming Nana!." I checked myself in the mirror for the last time, before sharing the table with Nana. The beauty in the mirror speaks of simplicity and elegance. I'm tall at my age of 15, around 183cm, with soft silver wavy hair and emerald green eyes. I'm looking at the reflection of my mother. And before my tears fall. "Beatrix?" A hint of annoyance in Nanas voice. "Yes, sorry Nana." Then, we silently eat our beetroot soup. In the same month, in different year. Our mother gather all of us, her children, near the fireplace hearth, made of granite and marble stone. My eldest brother Maxim played the piano while my older sister Annika played the flute. While me and my mom, cheerfully singing. Then, our beloved father Dimitri, joined us in our joyfulness. Amidst our liveliness, the commotion outside the House of Oblonsky raised our fears. People shouting with torches and guns. My father Dimitri was stunned. I'm crying in horror. I hugged my father...for the last time. When.... My small voice... bellowed "NO!!!!" "Mama, Papa..." "Maxim, Annika..." 

L_StellaLuna · Historia
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35 Chs

THE NIGHTMARE

I'm soaking in my hot bath and candles glowing it's light in darkness.

The smell of rose oil, lavender and chamomile flowers floating in the air.

Oh the warm water and the scent calm my soul...

Those pains of lost and grief is masked by the feeling of giddiness and qualm.

The recollection of happenings during

dinner time is bewitching.

O God of Mercy! I condemned this feeling.

Please bring me enlightenment and clarity of my emotions.

To release all of these...

I'm humming the melody of Mama's lullaby.

A reminder of my task and obligations to my family...

Nana...

and Lada...

The doors of my room opened.

And my spirit is startled.

I jump off the bath and took the towel to cover my naked body.

And I immediately collected my gold necklace in the sink and wear it.

My hair is still dripping with water.

I slowly open the lavatory door in small portion, and survey the room area.

A shadow of a man standing in front of the windows.

He is facing through the view of the bay.

I felt the tremor of my body endlessly.

I closed the doors and I took the candles to help me see the face of this culprit.

Then back, I opened the door of the lavatory, wider and stayed on the entryway.

"Who are you? what are you doing here in my room?" I asked.

I tried my best to conceal my fears.

A deep voice answered "Do I need to answer your question? " sounded annoyed.

His voice is not familiar.

How could anyone, get into my room without anybody else noticed?

"I'm supposed to asked you that!" he added.

I sense anger on his voice.

" I...never knew...that this is someone else's room! " I stammered.

I run through the dresser table , put down the candles and grab my hand bag.

I swiftly took my pistol and point it to the stranger in my room.

His face...

Chiseled jaws, strong chin, shabby brown hair, straight-edged nose and oval shaped blue eyes...

Broad shoulders...toned body and wearing a black cotton shirt and jeans.

He is taller than Specialist Mikael.

Then...

He laughed...

Embarrassment hits me all over my face.

"Are you satisfied with my looks?" he asked in a gibe.

"You are the most impertinent, rowdy guy that I have ever met! You go out of my room..NOW!" I hollered.

He continued to laugh and much loudly.

I felt enraged.

"Olivia!?!?!" "Master Jones!?!?!" "Specialist Magnuson!?! O God..where are these people!" I exclaimed.

"Well, well, well...Did my younger brother Mikael brought you here? "

My eyes wide open.

Brothers?

"O Yes! My brother...the prim and proper and a gentleman. You're too skinny for me. Better change clothes or you'll die in cold." he blatantly said.

Then, he leaves the room.

I immediately put the pistol back in my handbag and took my clothes in my suitcase and changed in my sleeping dress.

Then locked the door and took a chair to support the door for security.

How dare him!

He's a total apathetic jerk!?!?!

Tomorrow, I'll make sure.. you will pay big time!

I have troubled sleeping, restlessness and anxieties keep me awake.

I decided to write in my journal.

December 22, 1980

Seward, Alaska

My beloved,

My first day in Seward is full of surprises.

I meet people in different characters.

And I will surely not forget, the most horrible, arrogant stranger inside my room.

Hope I'll have more clarity tommorow and peaceful sleep tonight.

Beatrix

I closed my journal and lay down in bed.

I hugged my cushions for comfort.

And I drift to sleep.

Sounds of gun shots ringing in my ears...

Smokes and fires...

Somebody hold my hands tight..

Embracing me in comfort..

And I looked in his face..

Those shabby hair, chiseled jaws, oval round eyes....strong arms..

And blood dripping..in his handsome face..

"NO!?!?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I'm awakened, breathlessly.