The Future In The Past

Stumbling on the dirt road, I tried my hardest to maintain consciousness. I hadn't eaten a single thing in three days now and the wounds all over my bare feet don't help at all.

I have been traveling for what I thought to be a long time which is long enough to be on the edge of dying from starvation and yet, there's still no sign of civilization.

I'm so thirsty. I just want some water and food. Anything I can put into my mouth is fine, even something from the dumps.

Walking another step, I tripped on a rock and fell to the muddy ground. I was already dirty and wet from the previous trips, so my appearance is the least of my concerns. I could only try to get up.

But, I was struggling. My body seemed to not respond to the actions I wanted to take. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn't able to muster even a bit of energy to get up.

Heaving a deep sigh, I laid on the mud. It was my time to give up. Life was so hard.

Why did I have to be born into a noble family? Why couldn't I live as a commoner? Why couldn't I live as a girl?

I have so many unanswered questions, but at this point, it doesn't matter anymore. I wanted to cry, but not a single tear came out.

My eyes seemed to have dried up from all the times I cried in my pitiful life of a cross-dressed boy. I wanted to laugh in frustration, but my body didn't respond. I could only lay on the dirty ground, look up at the sky and curse my current state and whoever brought me to this situation..

How old was I? Right... I'm still a child. I'm still young.

Who was it that told me young people were the future of the world? Was it my teacher? Or was it my grandfather?

I don't remember anymore. I'm tired. But maybe it was this tiredness that let me recount all the pains of the past.

If I could get another chance…

Laughing in my mind, I gave a weak smile. Another chance? I shook my head at the thought.

The heavens have never been kind to humans. If they were, I would not be laying on this floor. I would not be dying right now.

Thinking back, I could only thank my stupid mother. Oh, how much I hated her. Perhaps even my weak father would never know about all the things she did.

I hate my father. I hate my mother. And I especially hate my grandfather.

I hate all of them. They're all stupid for getting captured.. Hell, they couldn't even tell I'm a girl.

Well, mother was the dumbest of them all. Did she really think that by making me a boy, she would keep her title? Oh, how naive she was…

Sighing as I closed my eyes. I thought back to the times when I was whipped by my grandfather for being unable to remember a passage. I thought back to the times when my mother yelled and threw things at me when I was disciplined by the teacher.

They were all so weak. And yet, everything fell upon me. Their errors, their problems, their complaints and their sins.. I didn't ask to be born, it wasn't my fault.. I didn't ask to be taught useless complicated texts every, single, day. It wasn't my fault.

All the things that happened, were not my fault. It was their fault. All of theirs.

My favorite person in this damned cage was my grandma. Oh Grandma, why did you have to leave so early? Grandma was always nice. She would always give all kinds of gifts to me.

Oh grandma, you don't know how much I miss you. If you did not die, Grandfather would not have done those things. If you did not die, Father wouldn't have left Mother.

Grandma, I want to cry so much, but I can't. If I do, it will mean that I'm weak and I cannot be weak when facing death like you once did.

Calming down, I closed my eyes once again. Each time I close my eyes, the events of three days ago would flash through my mind. Should I be happy or mad about it?

I no longer have a family, but it allowed me to be free. I don't have those nice clothes anymore, but I get to see the world that I was yearning to explore. I can now live as a girl, but it was for such a short time..

Was dying actually better than living? Thinking about it, dying seems to be the better choice by a far margin. After all, no matter what you achieved in the mortal realm, you will still die no matter how far or high you are. No matter the riches you possess, the power you hold or the level of intelligence you have: we're all equal in front of Death. We tend to forget about it, but everything you do will be one day forgotten. Humans are but merely a footnote in the history book of the universe.

Dying is not so bad when I think about it that way. So why not end it now? Feeling a big weight lifted off my shoulders, I feel like I can finally die peacefully. Yes, peacefully…and with this I closed my eyes.

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..

...

Seconds turned into minutes and I began to grow impatient. Does death take that much time? Well, it's not like I'm in a hurry or anything.

...

….

…..

Honestly, do I have to struggle even after embracing death? The End of All, the thing everyone fears, whether it be human or animal, doesn't seem like it wants me. Ugh, the heavens must truly hate me.

Sigh, I wonder how someone dies. I wanted a quick and smooth death but it doesn't seem like it will come to me anytime soon. Opening my eyes, I stared at the now dark sky. Looking around, I saw a tree I could've sworn wasn't there before. But that's not important, I can see how to end it now.

What better way to die than to smash my head onto that tree? If you don't want to come to me, then I'll come to you, whether you want it or not. Not thinking about what could happen or might have happened in the hundred of other scenarios and the pain it might inflict to me, I gathered the little bit of energy I recovered during my few minutes of rest and ran towards the tree and smashed my head into it.

Lucky or not, the side I hit was spiked which saved me the few minutes of agony I would've had to suffer but there was no time to think about that as the world quickly turned dark. The last thing I saw before drifting into unconsciousness was the back of a man.