Never had I seen Brett so emotional, so shattered. My failure left him bereft and brokenhearted. As I rode to the hospital, he held my hand, while my mind bombarded me with painful memories and thoughts of worthlessness. Plagued by inadequacy, I wondered how my husband would endure my punishments, those God kept placing on me. The guilt was almost unbearable. I tried to stop the tears; I didn't deserve to cry. This was warranted, my penance for not saving Will, for not having the strength or the courage to do what was necessary to pull him out of his living hell. Then there was Cole, once again my weakness, weakness for a man, had cost me a life. I thought I'd done things differently this time.
"Sweetheart, talk to me." Brett's faint voice dragged me out of the haze.
Unable to respond verbally, I squeezed his hand to acknowledge I'd heard him and offered him a meager grimace hoping to pass it off as a smile.