Chapter 8.5

Biting her lip, Kaori went up the mountain path. 

When she raised her eyes to the front of the line, the coffin with a white cloth draped over it was solemnly going up the hill. The shadows falling from the tips of the firs were a gloomy blue, and in exchange for a break in the mid summer heat wave, the mountain path whose wild underbrush was mowed away at the last moment left the densely lingering smell of dirt and grass. 

---Megumi was being sucked away into the firs.

(Megumi...)

Kaori tightly gripped her juzu beads. It was too fast of a death. She must have had regrets, how many things undone were there? Thinking of that, Natsuno who had completely turned his back on her was loathsome. She had wanted to deliver it to him because it was filled with her feelings. Surely she must have desperately longed to send it. And yet. 

(....Cruel.)

Even though Megumi was dead. Even though she was no longer here. Even though it was so pitiable, Natsuno didn't feel an ounce of it towards Megumi. ---And it wasn't just Natsuno. 

Kaori turned a ear to the murmurings of the adults surrounding her who were climbing upwards. A sudden death, she was too young, poor Shimizu-san, what made her die so suddenly anyway, even though she was always so healthy. 

From there, the conversations slid. Someone from such and such lost their child, in a family someone else knew. Talk of people who had no connection to Megumi, and then talk of Yamairi. Idle gossip that hadn othing to do with death. And then suddenly, the topic returned back over to Megumi. In the first place, when nobody knew where she was before Bon, that time, what happened, anyway? And from there, whispers she couldn't bear to hear. There was no mistaking something happened. After all, she was such a capacious girl, they knew it'd come to this someday.

(It's cruel, isn't it... Megumi.)

Nobody was grieving Megumi's death. Even though Megumi ad died, she wasn't being treated as if she had. 

The head of the procession halted. With her head hung in shame, biting her lip, Kaori didn't notice that, continuing forward ahead and bumping into a girl's back.

Between the trees was a long and narrow plot where the grass was mowed away, and there was opened in the dirt a deep black hole. 

Kaori was suddenly stiff with dread and nerves. The hole that would swallow Megumi. Megumi would be put in there, buried, and vanish from this world. The forest of firs held countless graves, it had swallowed up this many dead already, and it would probably go on to swallow many more. And one day, Kaori's own turn would come.

(....One day?)

Megumi, too, no doubt thought "some day." But, it was already Megumi's turn. Nobody knew when it would be. In that case, even Kaori's turn could come. How could she state emphatically that it wouldn't be tomorrow?

Some day---possibly even tomorrow, it could be, the day after tomorrow, it really was coming some day, the day Kaori would be swallowed up in a hole and no longer be in this world.

(I'm scared...)

Just imagining it was terrifying, and then, when she thought about Megumi going off to that, desperation hit her. She couldn't avoid that, no matter what.

Before the trembling Kaori's very eyes, the coffin was lowered down upon platforms like a ladder. The manager of the Mourning Crew rang a small bell and the Junior Monk from the temple began reciting the sutras. Minute by minute, hour by hour, the time when Megumi would be severed from this world drew nearer. 

(Poor Megumi. ...Even though she was just 15.)

Yes, just fifteen. Megumi, born in August, was for a small time the same age as Kaori born in June. That's right, she thought. Megumi was the same age as Kaori. If Megumi died, then it wouldn't be strange for Kaori to die either. 

She would almost have been sixteen, Kaori thought, realizing it really would have been just a little further. Megumi's birthday was August 26th. There were no stylish articles to dress up with in the village, so Kaori rarely went out to the town of Mizobe. Recently, when brought along casually by her mother to do some shopping, she had bought a present for Megumi, she remembered. It was properly wrapped. She was supposed to give that to her and yet. 

Kaori turned her head to look back. The Shimizu family graves were near the Sue no Yama mountain, not too deep in. From here it wasn't far to Kaori's house. Why couldn't she have remembered earlier? They could have lowered it into the hole with her.

"Uhm... Ma'am."  Kaori turned to look at Hiroko, who had been crying her eyes out. "I prepared a present for Megumi-chan. Would I be able to go back to get it? I want to put it into the grave with her."

Hiroko opened her eyes and gave a troubled look to the people around her. The men with the rope in hand lowering the coffin, too, exchange troubled glances.

"Even if you ask, now, it's, y'know."

"Now!" said a small voice, from Kaori's mother. "What is this all of a sudden. You're being a pest!"

One of the working men spoke as if to take back the sentiment. "No, I'm sure just the feelings alone would have made the deceased happy. I mean, whether it's really put in or not isn't what matters."

That's right, nodded everal people, and Hiroko too gave a sad smile. "Thank you, Kaori-chan. But, the feeling is enough."

"....Yes, ma'am."

Kaori hung her head in shame. Nobody, nobody understood Kaori's feelings. Even though Megumi was dead. Even though Kaori lost Megumi. 

"Uhm...." raised a quiet voice, that of the Junior Monk. "How about perhaps allowing her to go and bring it?"

Kaori raised her face. She was met with a mild and gentle smile.

"It will take time to place the dirt after all, could we not leave an opening at the front bedside portion? She is her friend, isn't she? In that case, I think that Megumi-chan would want us to do this, too, and if the young lady holds onto the present that she had gone through the trouble to prepare, there will be sentiments within her heart as well that will be difficult for her to bury."

Haa, said the working men. "If the Junior Monk's saying so, then..."

"Thank you very much." Kaori lowered her head. Realizing that her feelings were understood, she was truly happy. The young monk gave a peaceful nod. 

"Be careful on your way."