One of the Lucky Ones

The sound of cardiac monitors, rolling hospital beds and quiet murmuring filled the room.

I woke up.

And the first thing I saw was the blurry, white ceiling. I breathed in the smell of medicine and chemicals -- it smelled like the hospital. When I shifted my fingers, I realised that a hand was rested on mine. It must have been there for a while.

"Zoey? Oh my God, sweetie, you're awake!" I heard the crack in a woman's voice; it was low, hoarse and scratchy just like I remembered. Mum...? My vision was still blurry but I could see the figure of an aged lady in her late 40s crying out for help from someone. Her face drowned in tears of what seemed like happiness.

"Nurse! Nurse! Call the doctor!" My mother scrambled to get up from her chair. "Zoey's awake! She's awake!" She screamed out a cry in the hallway, and a couple of nurses dashed in a line to check up on me. I tried shifting my back but I found it difficult to move without feeling a surge of pain down my spine. I winced, fighting off the urge to groan.

"You shouldn't move too much as your spine is still recovering from the fracture. Would you mind looking into the light for a bit, Miss?" the nurse politely asked, shining a small flashlight on both my eyes to check for responses and I followed orders. "Good. Good. Her response is normal, Ms. Francheskie." She turned her eyes on my mother, reassuring her that I was fine.

The other asian nurse seemed to be busy with the machines monitoring the screen as the wires were attached to me. "Blood pressure is normal as well." She claimed. She was short and petite-looking.

"Is she going to be alright, Nurse?" My mother asked again, with more composure this time.

"She seems to be fine now. The doctor is currently in the surgery room, so we'll wait for him to be done before he can check up on Zoey. Let's give Zoey some time to rest while we wait." The nurse smiled warmly at my mother before leaving the room.

"Zoey, oh my God. You don't know how happy I am to see you awake again," my mother grabbed my hands, squeezed it tight like she was holding on for dear life. Her eyes swelled with tears, and her brows scrunched in a unflattering line.

"I should call your brothers, and then Grayson. He should at least know you're awake." She struggled with her phone, wiping her dried tears, sobbing all at the same time. I could tell she was anxious and uneasy, but I didn't know why. She left the room for a while and that gave me some time to think.

What happened to me? I was confused as to what was going on. It seemed like I got into an accident but I couldn't remember how, why or who I was with. It was all a blur. Every time I'd try to think, the back of my head hurt. The only person I could turn to and ask for help was my mother.

I paused for a while. My mother said he would call Max and Dennis, and then Grayson.

Who's Grayson?

The door opened and my mother stepped in. She sat down on the chair next to me again, and rested her right hand on my forehead with such tenderness. Rubbing my forehead like I was a baby, she opened her mouth to say something. "Did you know how long we waited for you to come back?"

"Come back? What happened to me?"

"You got into a car accident, and you got severely injured. It left you in a coma."

"For how long?"

"Two-- years." Her voice cracked before tearing up again. She was all alone in those two years.

" You said something about Grayson, Mum. Who's Grayson?" Once those words left my lips, it triggered a response from her.

"Of course..." she huffed in sad disappointment. "The doctor did say you would experience memory loss if you woke up." Her voice trembled, "Grayson was your fiancé. He was in the car with you when the incident happened, but he managed to get out alive with a few broken bones here and there. He has fully recovered within the past two years."

"But I stayed in a coma?" I asked again. The way my mother explained made it sound like a terrible thing. "He loved you a lot, and you loved him." She added, with underlying regret in her voice. But I couldn't help but feel empty on the inside. I didn't remember being engaged, or loving a person named Grayson. As far I knew, Grayson never existed. How could I feel sad?

Before my mother could continue, the door opened and the doctor entered the room.

"How are you feeling, Zoey?" His wide smile was contagious that I couldn't help but return the favour.

"My back feels a little sore but I think I can manage," I showed him a warm smile.

"That's good. I'm here to tell you some good news and some bad news. Which one would you rather hear first?" He turned to my mother who was having a hard time accepting my condition.

"The good news first, I guess," I replied in response.

"Many areas of your spinal chord were fractured after the incident but it has been healing well during your time in coma. However, you may notice some temporary numbness in your body because of that." When he said that, I recalled not being able to feel my mother's hand on mine when I first woke. "It will slowly go away with time. But other than that, physically, you're doing quite well. And you can be discharged from the hospital in a week or after we've run some tests on you."

"And the bad news?"

The doctor seemed to have a hard time conveying this part to me. "When your body was flung out of the car, you hit the back as well as the side of your skull. So certain areas of your brain are damaged, especially your hippocampus," he paused, assuming I'd speak up, but I didn't. "You might have realised that part of your old memories are lost. It's called retrograde amnesia, it is a type of memory loss where you are unable to recall episodic or autobiographic memories before the incident." I looked towards my mother and one of her hands covered her mouth in sadness as she sniffed quietly.

"Is there a cure for it?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, no. But we can try to jog your memory with showing or telling you significant events of the memories that you lost."

" I can remember my family and all, but I can't seem to remember a man named Grayson. Why is that?" I asked, wanting to know more about my memory loss.

"When did you first meet him?" The doctor asked, looking back at my mum, because he knew I didn't have the answer.

"Three years ago. They met a year before the incident. He proposed the engagement after 8 months of seeing her." My mum said softly, probably reminiscing the memories of the past that I had no knowledge of.

"It seems that you only lost your most recent memories-- events that occurred within a few years before the incident. It's very common amongst patients like you who suffer from memory loss, Zoey. Perhaps you can ask your fiancé to visit and help you recall these memories. Fragments and pieces may slowly return if other parts of your brain still contain other memories that have connections to your lost memories." He looked up from his clipboard while writing down fancy doctor terms that average people like me probably wouldn't understand.

"Grayson will be coming in tomorrow, Doctor." My mum interjected.

"Great, I hope it all goes well for you, Zoey. Welcome back. You're one of the lucky ones." The doctor smiled as he clicked his pen and stuffed it in the front pocket of his white coat.

When he left, my mother returned home to care for my younger brothers, Max and Dennis -- the two rascals I still remembered.

I gazed at the nice view outside the window, and watched the sunset from afar.

I was one of the lucky ones, the doctor said to me. Lucky...

Was I really?