The Measure of a Lab Rat

Meri won, but couldn't do it. There's no way a nice girl like her could ever do anything to harm a pregnant woman, and even Sam couldn't be convinced. There's no other choice but to use a little of Zutiria's mana to knock out this last enemy in a way that wouldn't harm her or leave the baby within her womb with any magical birth-defects.

'Sorry about this,' Zutiria tells the hooker while pointing the tip of her staff at the woman, "Restenow."

Magic bursts forth in the form of a single spectral sheep that flutters about the room in a whimsical fashion. It twirls about in the air before floating directly into the head of the pregnant human, delivering her into a restful slumber.

'We're lucky I had that one. I'm not much for spells that cause status effects... it's just that... well. My sleeping problems are common knowledge by now.' She sighs, looking away towards the cell door.

While Zutiria does know an incredible number of spells, she, like many Black Mages, focuses on magic that 'does' things. Flashy attack spells are her thing, with only an occasional dose of support magic here and there. I feel bad that she felt the need to learn this specific spell, though...

"UM... quick question. T-That spell will be safe for the baby, right?" Meri asks with worry in her voice as she clasps her hands together.

'I can think of worse fates for a child than chronic narcolepsy.'

Meri stares at the unblinking, deadpan Sorceress, unsure of how to respond.

'That was a joke.'

"Oh..." Meri blushes bright with embarrassment.

All five women who were guarding this chamber are now defeated. Magically, the door to the cell on the back wall responds to this fact by jangling about until opening wide at last. Sam pokes the chest to give it the Mimic test and upon confirmation, she kicks it open.

Her excited smile quickly fades as soon as she pulls out a large silver key from the wooden box. "Aw man, I was hoping it was my turn to get some cool new gear!" The Princess shrugs, her fierce emerald eyes narrowing from disappointment.

"Later, Sam. We don't know how much of the Pimpfort we have left to complete and I'm sure there's at least one new toy for each of you somewhere in this glittering mess of a Dungeon."

"Whatever," Sam continues to mope around, so I decide to give her a fun little distraction.

"Do me a favor, you three. Gather all of their weapons and send them back in one big pile with a Returner. We can sell them for some extra gold." I look to Snow for permission just in case, and she respectfully nods her head.

I don't think she'll mind us taking our time to send things back now that we know the abducted Beastgirls will remain safe for the foreseeable future.

The Princess perks up right away, just as I knew she would. "Shit, are we doing some looting? Hell yeah!"

Together, the three of them haul the Orc's warhammer, the Halfling's short sword, the Elf's wand, and the Dwarf's axe into a pile. Sam was feeling adventurous and managed to pilfer a dagger that the pregnant woman was hiding in her boots, too, so she added that to the group and sent the entire load back home by throwing a Returner. They have plenty to spare- the little bombs are very cheap and easy for Zutiria to manufacture so I had ten of them packed in each girl's bag.

"Myaster, I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with what exactly these... 'Returners' are, nyaa. Would you mind-" Snow tilts her head as the bomb goes off on screen and the collection of weapons disappear before her eyes. Her ears start twitching as the Return Gate activates in the other room and she stands alert, tail sticking straight up as she pulls out her riding crop from inside of her tracksuit.

Snow opens the door to my office and dashes into the entrance hall on all fours, hissing at the top of her voice. "MAGIC IS IN THE AIR!! INTRUDER, NYAA!!"

"Snow, no!" Peri runs after her as Cherry begins laughing at the typically elegant maid.

"Heh, dummy." The pink-haired kitten smirks, feeling a tiny tinge of superiority welling up within.

"I seem to recall a certain someone's first reaction to the Return Gate being along those lines, too..." Cherry's face goes red as I begin to imply. "Who was it, again...?"

"Geez, Myaster... can't let me have this one, can you, nyaa?" She waves her broom at me in anger.

Peri and Snow return after Peri explained everything she needs to know about the Return Gate to her former teacher. While they were gone, Snow took it on herself to help Peri move the weapons into the nearest storage room, too. The white-haired Catfolk takes her place by my side once more- her face now flushed scarlet, and her eyes avoiding my slight smirk.

I give Snow a break and decide not to say anything about it, instead just focusing back on the Taskmaster display. The group didn't wait for me and they're at the top of the balcony, where Sam is currently shoving the big key into the huge, magical lock.

With a twisting mechanical clank, it opens and both lock and key vanish into the air. From there, Sam just hits the switch like normal, and the three adventurers enter a narrow hallway similar to the one that led them to the main hall.

It's just occurred to me that I don't believe this dungeon is shaped the same on the inside as it appears on the outside. That's fairly common for dungeons that were made via a God's magic, but I hadn't really thought of it till now. The rooms haven't really fit with the appearance of an actual castle...

Before I can dwell on the thought for too long, the girls reach the end of the current hallway. They took their time, too, inspecting it for traps along the way. I instruct them to take a breather before rushing into whatever lies behind that next door.

The girls have a couple of snacks and they drink from their canteens for a moment in relaxation. I can't imagine how hungry they'd be if they didn't have the appetite-lowering effect of my semen in their system. They've been running around the dungeon and fighting for close to an hour and a half, now. Besides saving on our overall food expenses, I think tonight is the most useful this power of mine has ever been.

After five minutes are up, I give the party the go-ahead to delve deeper into the dungeon.

Everyone proceeds cautiously with their weapons drawn, but there's no sign of any enemies in sight. The newest chamber of the Pimpfort is the biggest yet. It's a large square room that seems almost as big as the entrance hall and the two adjacent chambers combined. There's only one door beside the one that the girls entered from, and it's in the center of the south wall. This door is gated by several metal bars, preventing the switch that would open it from being pressed.

Expensive-looking purple velvet curtains are hung on every corner of the walls except for the doorways and for a large arcane tech sign hung on the opposite side of the room. This sign is framed like it were a gigantic painting and it easily covers two-thirds of the east wall. The corners of the sign are glowing a number of miraculous neon colors that change from second to second, giving the entire room the look and feel of a mystical light show. The only other decorations are four large pots in the corners, each of which contains a full rose bush.

In the center of the sign are four large, empty rectangles that I'm sure are connected to the room's other most defining feature- nine square tiles on the center of the floor. Arranged in rows of three by three, these tiles are elevated several inches off the floor and appear to be buttons that would activate if someone walked over one.

The tiles each have a number printed on them in glowing neon light, the top row being one, two, three, and so on up until nine.

"Is this some kind of math puzzle? Oh, fuck me in the ass..." Sam groans and reaches behind her head, grabbing her twin-tails and near pulling them off of her scalp in frustration.

'Again? I would have thought you'd be satisfied after your sordid affair with Sir only a few hours ago, Sammy.' Zutiria tilts her head using all the mock innocence she can muster.

Sam reflexively rubs her butt with a rising flush on her face, "Y-You... little... I'm gonna fucking GET YOU, I-!"

From across the room, Peri finally finishes her job dusting the first of my bookshelves. "What's the matter with Mistress Sam, nyaa? Did Mistress Zuzu say something?"

"Probably," Cherry shrugs while filling up the dustpan with her broom. "We can't read her text if we can't see the screen..."

"Why that's no problem at all, is it, Myaster?" Snow glares at me with those piercing eyes of hers, her lips raised in a sadistic smile. "Tell your maids what the little witch said."

"The little witch said somebody needs to get the Myaster some more coffee," I slam the cup down onto the desk to take the attention away from Snow's comment.

The older maid giggles adorably, hiding it behind her soft white paw as her long, pretty lashes flutter. I think some of Snow's optimism has returned after seeing the work their way through four chambers of the Pimpfort. Her beauty is beginning to shine through once more, as is a hint of her playfulness.

I'd feel relieved if it didn't end up making me want her all the more...

Peri returns with a fresh cup of dungeon fuel still steaming in her paws. While handing it to me, she asks, "She said something naughty, didn't she...?"

"Thank you, Peri," I take a sip and ignore the question, which sends her off with downward, dejected ears and a frown.

"Nyaa..." she mutters before picking up the feather duster and moving on to shelf number two.

Speaking of numbers...

"How do you think we should try and solve this, Master?" Meri calls out with nervousness, her yellow bow drooping over her bangs.

"This appears to be a simple four-digit number puzzle. I believe you just have to step on those panels on the floor in the correct sequence, and then the door will open."

"How the fuck are we supposed to know what the stupid-ass password is?"

'I bet we're overthinking it, somehow.'

"Could be, but before touching on that there's something that needs to be tested. We have to find out whether the panels are trapped or not. Sam-"

"Yeah, I'm on it, Boss..." Sam sighs as her enthusiasm continues to die. She walks into the nearest corner and returns with the large potted rose bush.

The Princess delicately hovers it over the number nine tile before letting go and running away as fast as she can, just in case something happens.

Nothing does. The number doesn't register at all, the empty rectangles on the sign remaining empty.

"Shit. Does this mean we gotta step on them ourselves, or what?" Sam reaches brutishly kicks the potted plant off the panel, causing it to shatter ten feet away on the golden floor.

Zutiria pulls off her beret revealing her pet rat, the Little Sir. The rascal, dressed in a scarily accurate version of my own attire as always, scampers down the length of the petite Mage's arm as she kneels to let him reach the ground. Everyone just sort of stares at her, myself included.

"Oh?" Snow tilts her head. "Ah, yes! I remember the Mistress mentioning her whiskered companion when we met for the adoption, nyaa. My- she really is just full of surprises, isn't she?"

"Z-Zutiria? W-Why did you bring the little guy to a dungeon!? What if something happens?!" Meri becomes incredibly worried now that she knows a poor, defenseless animal is present.

'He knew what he was signing up for when entering my service.' Zutiria remarks, ominously. As if to verify his Mistress's words, the rat nods his teeny head and squeaks.

"Zutiria, do you really believe that your furry friend there is heavy enough to trigger those panels?" I ask with more than a healthy amount of skepticism.

'There's a chance they could be triggered just by a living being standing atop them, not an object. The pot was heavy and didn't activate any of the numbers, after all.'

"Um, I-Isn't a rose bush a living being?" Meri raises her hand meekly.

Sam rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Not when it's in a pot, dummy."

"I-I'm not sure that's how that works, Sam..."

'Regardless, I trained the Little Sir for situations like this. A lab rat exists to perform tests and gather data, isn't that right, my precious little specimen?' Zutiria smiles a warm smile, completely at odds with the expressionless look in her eyes. From her bag, the Mage pulls out a small strip of jerky to treat the eager pet.

Hmm. Am I imagining things, or am I dangerously close to being considered Zutiria's Eromancy lab rat...?

"...Well, I suppose it can't hurt." I shrug my shoulders and down some more coffee.

'Your namesake has agreed to your daring expedition. Isn't that nice? Off and on again, little one- come right back. You can't become my familiar if you're dead.' Zutiria sends her companion off as the rest of us watch with a mix of suspense and disbelief at the situation.

"Wait, how does the Little Sir understand Zutiria's text...?" Meri tilts her head.

"Meri, seriously. Come on. Stop asking stupid questions, Zuzu is obviously putting her magic word thingies in rat language so he can read them." Her Highness states, fully sure of her own answer.

"...Right."

As soon as the dapper rodent dashes onto the number nine panel, Zutiria's hypothesis is quickly proven correct. Even though the small animal weighs very little, the panel beneath lights up... and begins glowing red.

An 'X' shortly appears inside the first of the four empty rectangles before disappearing in a number of seconds.

A deep, powerful rumbling echoes out from the high ceiling above the girls. With little to no warning other than that, lightning streaks down onto the panel, blasting anything unlucky enough to be on top of it into smithereens...