Original Sequel Story

Chapter 1: Go Back... TO THE BEGINNING!

"OH YES!" I shouted as I ran my three fingered hands over my glorious scale and plate covered giant space lizard man bod, "Suck it Angry Mango! You thought you could twist my sexy lizard bod into a shitslinging ape bod for all time with your infinite mana bullshit, but I have cast you to the ground with the powers of my thick juicy cock! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Babe, it's neat that we can now shapeshift back to our Mass Effect bodies, but did you take any time to notice that despite us being gone for over a hundred years, the hotel room looks exactly the same?" Jack rained on my lizard daddy parade by pointing out that poignant fact out in her smaller Mass Effect 3 reskin.

Despite the wonder of finally becoming a shapeshifter and regaining my honor as a Krogan, I did in fact notice that we had returned to the same hotel room we left a hundred years ago and that it looked like a drunken couple had fucked their way through to fabric of the universe in it quite recently. Place still stunk in fact.

Ending the celebration of my cock's victory over the manflesh oppression, I pulled out my portal gun and checked the read out to be sure of what had occurred. Then I promptly pumped my fist in victory.

"Not only has my cock conquered interdimensional travel and evil body morphing magic, he has made time itself his bitch! Good boy." I shouted as I petted my smooth lizard dick, "We landed just after we left!"

"No way!" Jack grinned, "So all that bitching and moaning about never seeing everyone again and all that other shit is out the window."

"Hell yeah." I clenched my fist in victory, "The omniverse is ours to travel guilt free! And check this out." I gestured for her to check out the screen on my portal gun, "Not only are we back were we left, but we can follow ourselves through their jumps."

"Why the fuck would we want to do that?" Jack scoffed.

"Cause they went to Pokémon instead of Star Wars." I grinned and clicked a button that projected a gif of Jack and Grunt landing on Professor Oak and starting to tear him apart with their teeth.

"Wouldn't we just, you know, land on ourselves and eat them?" Jack scrunched her eyebrows.

"Naw, game recognizes game so we'd join in on the Prof Chow Sesh." I denied that possibility then smacked the side of the portal gun a few times, "And now we are calibrated to drop on a virgin version of that universe and can fuck around on our own if co-op isn't our thing."

"Second option. Fuck babysitting our younger selves again." Jack spat.

"Fine by me." I grinned, "I'd rather roll a random drop than eat Professor Oak anyways. His life's work is empty and he can't tell if he is looking at a boy or a girl anymore. Lame."

Putting away the portal gun, I scooped Jack up by the waist and spun around.

"We're back, baby!" I shouted in glee, "And together we're gonna run around, Jack, we're gonna... do all kinds of wonderful things, Jack. Just you and me, baby. The outside world is our enemy, Jack... we're the only.... friends we've got, Jack! It's just Jack and Grunt. Jack and Grunt and their adventures, babe.. JACK AND GRUNT FOREVER AND FOREVER A HUNDRED YEARS Jack and Grunt.. some...things.. Me and Jack and Grunt runnin' around and... Jack and Grunt time... a- all day long forever.. all a - a hundred days Jack and Grunt! forever a hundred times.... OVER and over Jack and Grunt... adventures dot com.. W W W dot at Jack and Grunt dot com w..w..w... Jack and Grunt adventures.. ah- hundred years..... every minute Jack and Grunt dot com.... w w w a hundred times... Jack and Grunt dot com...."

Chapter 2: Cold Feet

"I really needed to lift heavy with the boys to get my mind off of things." I told buff Harry Potter and Thicc Daddy Thanos as I wracked my weights, "Discovering that I can exist in all universes at the same time really threw me for a loop."

"I don't really understand that bit." Harry stated as he repped out one armed weighted pull ups.

"Essentially, I leave a time stream and re-enter it at near enough to the same time that I essentially never left. Doesn't matter if I was gone for three minutes or three thousand years. So can in theory exist in all universes at the same time, even though it is at different points in my life, making me the Omnigod, but that sounds boring as fuck as their are infinite universes that are boring as fuck. I'd rather just exist in the fun ones as the Demi-Omnigod."

"Back up to the part about you being the supreme god of an entire universe attached to a proto-universe with unlimited resources." Thanos requested as he rested at the bench with his elbows on his knees while looking at his Infinity Gauntlet bedazzled with five Infinity Stones.

"Yeah, the Mists." I nodded, "My armies run through it all the time and productivity is increasing as they chart out the best practices in regards to dealing with that nebulous place. It's dangerous as hell, but that's the way I like it. I actually adjusted it using information from this dimension and now the place produces infinite neat shit from here like adamantium, vibranium, and uru. I also gave it the hook up from my home universe and now have infinite element zero. My technomancy gained some new capabilities as well."

"Infinite… resources." Thanos sighed.

"Yep." I made sure to put some extra pop on the 'p', "And I can adjust the settings of the universe without, you know, six shiny stones trying to kill me for the privilege."

Thanos stood up and threw his Infinity Gauntlet at the ground, "Excuse me, bros. I find myself in need of some time to rethink my path."

"What just happened with Thicc Daddy?" Harry asked after dropping to the floor from his set of pullups.

"Prolly some backstory stuff." I answered and Harry nodded his head in agreement.

"So you have a TV remote that leads to infinite adventures?" he changed subjects with an excited grin on his face.

"Hell yeah, bro." I smiled and pulled out my portal gun.

"What's that fluid in the tank?" he asked while pointing to a small glass jar hooked up to my remote.

"Interdimensional Travel Fuel." I told him, "Hand crafted, locally sourced, gluten free, ethically farmed."

"Why did you add that stuff there?" Harry looked at me skeptically, "You totally sound like you are in pain trying not to laugh."

"It's my jizz, bro." I finally couldn't help myself and broke down laughing.

"Gross, dude." Harry backed away, "I don't want to be apart of any adventures that happen because a dude jizzed in a cup and screwed it into his telly remote."

"Oh yeah, try saying that after I come back here with a team of kick ass Pokémon." I shouted and shot a portal at the floor, dropping me into the universe of Pokémon.

And no, I didn't leave Jack back in Mass Effect when I panicked about seeing Space Momma again after over a century. I didn't hop around my previous worlds looking for new places to travel to while picking up all my previous morphs.

That sounds emotionally irresponsible.

Almost as irresponsible as dropping into Pokémon.

I had barely managed to sink my fangs into a surprised Machamp when a trio of legendary Pokémon materialized around me and blasted we with the strongest banishing spell known to the Omniverse.

"BEGONE THOT!" Dialga, Palkia, and Arceus shouted together, blasting me back through the portal before it even closed.

"So where is this kick ass team of Pokémon?" Harry looked at me expectantly as I picked myself up off the floor after bouncing off the ceiling of Thanos's Gym.

"You remember how Skynet sent Arnie back to kill Sarah Connor so that John Connor won't happen?" I asked my littlest gym bro.

"Yeah." he nodded, "And then Arnie came back to fight the shape shifter."

"I think that just happened to me." I grunted and then flexed hard, causing two new sets of arms to erupt from my back, "But the joke is on them! Cause in a second their time I am going to come back stronger than ever and show them who's the boss!"

I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

After all, turns out the Pokedex is accurate after all.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

New Worlds

Pokémon: (Locked) Machamp

One Piece: Chinjao

Invincible: The Immortal

Bleach: Kensai

Against the Gods: Xia Yuanba

Overlord: The Third Overlord

Dark Souls: Asylum Demon

Fable: Chicken Chaser

Dragon's Dogma: Encampment Cyclops

Chapter 3: The Age of Metal

"Ah fuck, I haven't eaten anyone that nasty since Jabba." the four armed dragon man groaned after he stopped devouring the Asylum Demon, "Definitely going to reject that morph."

The dragon man stopped moving and stared at the husk like man in old plate armor carrying the rusted and broken remains of sword in hand. Then before the undead knight's rotten eyes the four armed dragon man morphed into a large and… quite frankly ridiculously muscled naked human with shining charcoal hair and a pair of startlingly bright blue eyes. His shoulders seemed unnaturally wide and his whole body was thick, his arms, his legs.

"What are you?" the undead knight demanded, hoping his improvised dagger would offer some level of defense and knowing in his tired heart that it would not.

"I am not an interdimensional god fucking around in other worlds to avoid the symbolic end of my adventures by reuniting with my Space Momma." the huge jacked man answered.

"If you are not an interdimensional god fucking around in other worlds to avoid the symbolic end of your adventures by reuniting with your Space Momma, then what are you?" the knight repeated his demand.

"I am…" the not interdimensional god paused then changed his accent to sound like Antonio Banderas, "I am Don Ricardo Dominguez Diaz Juan Julio Sanchez. You may call me Don Ricardo to save time, and what am I… I am a great lover of women, slayer of evil, musical genius, and lover of women."

"You said, 'lover of women' twice." the knight pointed out.

"Indeed I did." the man nodded his head while he magically equipped a suit of heavy red and bronze plate mail decorated with thick animal horns and a bear skin cape. He dismissed a brutal axe and instead picked up the Asylum Demon's Hammer which magically shrunk to better fit his frame, "Notice the placement of those two statements, first and last. For if a man does not begin and end his day prioritizing the hunt for pussy, then he has fallen out of balance with the Heavens and with the Earth, and has become a wretched and pitiful thing."

"But I was told that harems are bad and that the hero must not think with his dingaling." the confused knight declared, unsure of himself for the first time as the words of Don Ricardo Dominguez Dias Juan Julio Sanchez rung true in his mind.

"My friend," the Don approached the knight and put a reassuring gauntlet on his pauldron, "You have been led astray by bitter fun hating trolls."

"I hate trolls!" the knight shouted.

"And they hate fun, which is why they shriek every chance they get. To kill the fun!" the Don explained.

"But what if the harem is poorly implemented and managed, or the hero is a scumbag loser?" the knight inquired.

"Then, my friend, avert thine eyes from that mess and pursue your adventures elsewhere." the Don answered, "Or better yet. Rise up and create your own well implemented and managed harem while not being a scumbag loser. Who knows, it might make the world a better place."

The knight nodded his head and the Don removed his armored hand from his shoulder, raising it up into a fist.

"Now come, my friend." he shouted, "To Anor Londo, and to the best tiddies in the land!"

The pair set off, beginning their jolly cooperation by finding the knights starter weapons, and came upon a knight from Astora dashed against the stone asylum wall by a boulder trap.

"Oh, you're no hollow." the smashed knight called out, "Thank goodness. I'm done for, I'm afraid. I will die soon and…"

The knight's introduction was cut short when the Don materialized an oversized bass guitar with his not an interdimensional god power and began thrumming the cords.

"What is that … that noise?" the smashed knight gasped as he felt the agony of his destroyed chest lesson.

"That's the power of true Metal." the Don declared, "Now stand, hold your head up high and put your fist up in the air."

"How is this possible?" the smashed knight cried as his body complied, pulling himself off the floor and raising his fist up in the air.

"Age of Fire, Age of Dark, who cares. All you need is noise, and come what may you will greet it with a smile on your face and sword in hand." the Don told them.

"Your face!" The no longer smashed knight gasped.

Under the raised visor of the undead knight, the once beef jerky like face had filled out and softened, revealing the hot blooded youth underneath the curse.

"Come along boys." the Don commanded as he turned heel and holstered his oversized bass guitar over his shoulder, "The Age of Metal has come and it is our job to spread the good news over every set of big ol' tiddies in the realm."

Chapter 4: City Hall

"Get off your ass and get ready for adventure!" I yelled at the Crestfallen Warrior who looked at me like the madlad I am.

"There's no sal…" Cresty started before I cut him off.

"Shut your filthy loser mouth." I commanded, then took a sniff of the air, "My poon hound senses are tingling, but first…"

I sat down at the Firelink Bonfire like I had so many times before, and felt the world warping around me as I became aware of my own soul and the souls I carried. Upgrading myself using the souls of this world would require me to go through many new games to gain a single soul level, but for the aspect of my strength that I chose to manifest in this world, that of the Asylum Demon, I noticed a very fun little occurrence.

I was at soul level zero with only a single stat point in each of the eight aspects of the soul: Vitality, Endurance, Strength, Dexterity, Resistance, Intelligence, Attunement, and Faith. Using my souls acquired in the Undead Asylum I adjusted my strength up and noticed that neither my soul level nor my expenditure increased, and this remained true until I assigned the additional seventy two points between me and soul level one.

Assigning twenty points to Vitality, thirty to Endurance, and twenty eight to Strength, I rose from the Bonfire min maxed like none other, scaling off my base Asylum Demon power rather than that of a normal man or woman. Quite spicy.

Filled with new power, I descended to the cage of Anastacia of Astora and one by one tore the bars off. The woman inside wore grimy robes and under the filthy hood her eyes widened as she mutely protested my violation her self imposed exile.

I simply threw her over my shoulder and hauled her up into the light.

"Estus." I commanded from my knight bros with a hand outstretched.

Dumping the Firekeeper on the floor I poured the best friend of the undead down her throat and watched as her tongue grew back as she hacked and coughed from my rough treatment.

"Why?" she groaned.

Rather than talk I took out my oversized bass guitar and played out the fortifying healing goodness across my shining metal spider queen spun strings. Both Anastacia and Cresty perked up as their humanity grew until the dwindling flames of their light abound brightly within their souls.

"What is this?" Cresty questioned in awe.

"Metal." I answered.

"What does this mean?" Anastacia begged at my feet.

"It means the tyranny and the bullshit are over." I told them as I continued my strumming as Petrus of Thorolund popped his head out to see, "It means it's time to rise up and fight. All the people out in the streets! Its time to rise up and fuckin start a riot! Up in Anor Londo those old fucking shrivs are ruining it down here for us. It's fucking over. From now on, we're calling the shots, and by we I mean me. None of this Four Kings bullshit."

"Doesn't that mean we will have thrown down the tyranny and replaced it with a new tyrant?" the youthful Chosen Undead pondered.

"Oh don't give me that bullshit, like any of you would even know what to do with freedom. At least I know what the fuck I'm doing." I responded then muttered, "Fucking cycle slaves getting uppity. See if I save your ass from burning up in the First Flame."

"Okay. Enough about who is in charge after we take over!" I declared, "We got an epic quest to go on and some mother fucking bells to ring. And you!" I shouted as I pointed at Petrus.

I walked up to the surprised man with a stupid bowl cut.

"Me?" he questioned and pointed to himself right before I kicked him in the daddy bag.

"Stop being evil." I commanded, "I can't have you running around killing slam pieces."

Petrus nodded his understanding.

"Alright, good." I told him, "Your general ugliness means you can't come on this epic quest. I don't want to have to look at you."

"As for the rest of you. Spend your souls quick so we can move out. There's adventure to be had." I smiled at my trio of warrior homies.

Cresty followed us with an unsure look on his face, but after I buried a few hollows into the ground or cliff face with my Demon's Greathammer - more like a great mace but who am I to argue with From - the road weary warrior got his fighting legs back under him and we ascended the aqueduct into the Undead Burg.

I found the Undead Burg even more nostalgic than Firelink Shrine as like a proper heretic I preferred Majula out of the Dark Souls hubs. My clearest memories of early Dark Souls was of grinding this route before learning about the Hellkite Dragon bridge exploit.

Leading the charge I smashed, and smashed, and continued to smash the aggressive hollows of the Undead Burg. They offered no real resistance on our way to the real prize who gazed off into the distance.

"Hey friend, can I interest you in joining my army?" I called out to the Black Knight who responded by spinning around and swinging his sword down at the same time landing on my armored shoulder with a hefty clang.

"I guess not!" I laughed as I kicked him away and smashed my hammer down on his shield producing an enormous gong and rusting the nearby ivy.

The knight fell to his knees and tried to stab up into my groin but failed to make the angle and harmlessly slid his sword tip across my armor while I brought the hammer down again forcing him prone where he took three more blows on his armored back before expiring, leaving me his neat sword and shield.

Cresty spat upon the body and the team looked at him funny.

"It's the least he deserved after killing me last time." Cresty answered the unasked query.

With Blacky a no go, we climbed up into the Burg on our way to the good old taurus demon fight.

"Up the ladder boys." I commanded as we stepped upon the rampart between two castle towers. As my boys did murder upon the crosbowmen in the tower I strolled to the half way point on the rampart and the taurus demon hopped down off the second tower.

The bull demon and I ran at each other and I stepped under its wild swing of its axe and delivered a thunderous overhand hammer strike to it's dome, sending the demon reeling back with a mooing groan and leaving its leg wide open for me to spin around and deliver maximum punishment. My third and final strike came as I spun once more and slammed the hammer down on its chest, shattering its ribs and the organs beneath.

With a grin I stored the Demon's Greathammer in my soul and took up the Demon's Greataxe. It looked like shit, but is also the single highest physical damage weapon in the setting. Not to be confused with its better looking Dark Souls III variant that splits with fire damage.

I'd make it look less shit when I get some titanite.

With the demon out of the way we continued onward, taking a right at the bridge we arrived at the true heart and soul of Dark Souls.

Solaire.