Neither the begining nor the end...

He was sitting next to my bed leaning his head and holding my hand. He slept with tears in his eyes, shaken, broken... Only the sound of the respiratory machine droning. Hospital rooms look creepy, I never liked them. All white..white walls, white beds, white floors... I hate white!

What happened to me? How did I end up here and how come I can see my own body lying in bed?

This is just a bad dream, right?

I want to touch his face, to caress his cheeks racking my fingers through his hair... but I can't. I can't move, I can't talk, I can't scream....panik!! It was spread all over my body, sneaking through my veins like poison.

One word like a whisper came to me "death' so scary, so terrible...so final. But I don't want to die. I don't want to disappear now that I've found my love.. my happiness.

This is not fear and I want to scream, to call his name...to tell the world that HyeMin isn't dead yet!

It's been over a week since they brought me here proclaiming my state as -comatose. Broken ribs, internal bleeding, burned skin..the list goes on. My life depended on that machine that gave me oxygen to breathe.

June was next to me all the time. Poor boy, does he ever sleep or eat? He lost so much weight, his hair was messy, and those big eye bags below his beautiful eyes. What has happened to you, my love? Do you want to become a ghost like me? My thought floated over him, over this room. I wanted to get up from this bed to sit next to him, lifting his head with both hands and kissing his soft lips. I still was feeling their taste...but the last time I felt them, his kisses were unusual..but wait, those were no kisses. He was giving me CPR because I was unconscious, lying on the floor in my office. There were fire and a lot of smoke. Was he the one who saved me? My black angel came and saved me!! I clearly could hear his voice calling my name so desperately and the loud sound of a door cracking and his arms around me. He lifted me up, carrying me from that hell. There were many people outside but he didn't stop. I heard many voices and all seemed like when you watch a movie: You see all and understand all but you can't do anything.

He put me down on some stretcher and breathed for me. Yes, he saved my life again, he held my hand, he cried...

And now we are here stuck. Everything we had and everything we could have is depending on that machine. Cruel, painful...sad.

*****************************

YunRea just came carrying new flowers to put in a vase next to my bed. I was lying in my room still attached to that machine. Two weeks have passed in slow motion in my memory. I heard all, I knew all but wasn't able to get up. It's like when your body doesn't want to listen to your brain. The mutiny that was it! No coma, no sleep, pure mutiny! I was mad, I was furious but no use. All I could do is to listen and feel.

Trapped in feelings. They flooded me. Is anyone able to survive this?

But I had to. I had to fight. For myself, for my love my Jun.

He kept coming whenever he could. Heaving so busy schedule I was wondering how he got the time. But he would come and sit by the bed telling me how much he misses me, how lonely he is... begging me to wake up...crying repeating my name. How I wished I could hug him, to warm his cold hands, to warm his cold chest- Jun my love I miss you so much!

YunRea sat by the bed and started to read my favorite book for the hundredth time

- I'm going to read you this book until you get tired of it and get up to shut me up!- she said once and I laughed inside- My dear friend, my YunRea who loved me like a sister.

The nurse came- Miss YunRea you have a phone call, lady said she is miss HyeMin's aunt. -That must be her Zia!- She got up and left in a hurry. I was happy to hear Zia's name and I missed her so much. She was so warm and caring almost like a mother. I wish I could hug her now and tell her all my worries. She would comfort me I'm sure. While I was thinking about my dear Zia, two nurses came to fix my bed and give me my meds. One of them said she is so sad

- Why? What happened?

- Ah you know how much I love Freedom?

- Yeah so?

- My bias Jun got hurt last night at the concert and I'm so worried about him.

- Oh no! What happened? Is it serious? -She sighs

- I don't know it was really crowded and not many people could see what actually happened there are no updates and I think I'll go crazy! I just can't calm down and pray to God that he is ok. You know they brought him here right away, Dr. Park is treating him.

- Ah poor boy, I heard he looked so tired lately, even messing up his lyrics like something was bothering him.

They left my room still talking but inside my head was a hurricane!

- "He got hurt", "He got an accident on the stage"- echoes hitting my brain cells, running through my veins.- Jun no! Not my Jun!

YunRea came back and sat in her chair wanting to continue reading but then she looked at me and saw something different on my face. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and my fingers started to shake.

- HyeMin?!- She gets up and calls me then she runs to call the doctor. They all came gathering around me. I squeezed my hands into fists pulling tubes from my mouth

- No Jun! Jun! Jun!- They were calling my name to calm me down but I kept repeating his name in panic. Opening my eyes everything was blurred but soon I saw YunRea's face. I grab her hand

- Jun! Jun!

- Calm down miss HyeMin, everything is ok - doctor tried to calm me but all I could think or say was only his name

- My Jun...want...see

- You want to see Jun? -She asked and I nodded

- Ok you will see him just calm down- then she looked at the doctor

- Can I take her doctor?- He came closer checking my pressure and heartbeats.

- I can't let her go just like that, she just woke up and she is so upset. Her body is in shock right now..- YunRea nodded and sat by my side

- HyeMin-ah you have to calm down first. You just woke up from a coma and your body needs some time to adjust and recover.- I was squeezing her hand

- Please...I Have ...to.. see...him ..now! - I was barely able to speak but my mind was clear and in my thoughts only him.

One nurse drove a wheelchair and they put me in. We left my room and together with my doctor went to Jun's room. His room was on the next floor at the end of the hall and one guy was standing by the door. Doctore came to him explaining the situation and he looked at me not knowing what to do.

-Just for 5 minutes, I guarantee you his safety- the doctor asked him and after thinking a while he finally nodded. I went inside and saw him lying on the bed with closed eyes

- Jun- I whispered - Jun -called him again- Jun are you alright?- I took his hand with my shaky fingers and he turned his head opening his eyes slowly. For a moment he looked at me with confusion because he was just woken up, but then he widened his eyes realizing that he was looking at me.

- HyeMin?- He reached his hand touching my face and caressing my cheek

- Baby you woke up...- I smiled leaning my head to his palm

- Yes..- He smiled too

- So happy to see you smiling again, the best thing I saw in days!

I frowned a little

- You got hurt..and I was worried. What happened?- He looked at his other hand wrapped in bandages

- Just a little accident, nothing serious. - But the nurse said you fell from the stage during the concert?- He sat up taking my both hands.

- My foot just slipped a little and I scratched my hand but our manager made me come here and check just in case.- I hugged him and we stayed like that while he was caressing my hair

- I was really worried about you HyeMin and now I'm relieved that you are ok and awakened. I had such a hard time during these few days watching you lying in that bed. All kinds of thoughts tortured me...if you...if you were...- I covered his mouth

- I'm ok and everything is ok now. Let's not think about what could've happened.

His bodyguard came inside worried about why am I staying there for so long but seeing us hugged he left without saying a word.

- HyeMin?- I looked into his eyes

- Yes? - You look so sexy in that pajama!- My eyes inspected my body looking down and noticing my clothes for the first time and I smiled widely

- I had no idea that I was wearing this.- I notice that - he was teasing me with a smile relieving his white teeth.

- Yah Jun, you wear the same thing! Is your fashion sense gon while I wasn't here?!- He frowned looking at himself

- Why? I look so handsome in this, I even shoot the video wearing pajamas, remember?- I rolled my eyes

- That was really dumb, you know! - We burst out laughing happy being together again and happy being alive.

YunRea came inside with the doctor and they both looked at us with smiles. The doctor was pleased to see me like that.

*****************************

My recovery was going slow but I was able to notice changes. My body recovered from injuries but nightmares came sneaking into my life through the night. As a result, I suffered from a lack of sleep, and it's all because of that terrible dreams. They all would end with me being trapped and the fire was spreading. It was strange because I didn't have them when I was in the hospital but it all started when I left and came back to YunRea's apartment. Followed with bad sleep comes depression. I had no will for anything. YunRea was trying really hard to cheer me up, even with YunJin but all I could do is to smile awkwardly. Junes awkwardness came to me but he was too busy to collect it back. He had so tight schedule in China and Japan so he wasn't able to come home. Those days were so lonely for both of us.

Lying on my bed, my eyes on seeling and my thoughts empty. Actually, I was afraid to sleep. The doctor gave me some sleeping pills but I never took them. What if I stay trapped in that dreamy world forever surrounded by fire and those ugly faces laughing at me?! Too much to risk! I would rather stay awake.

Knocking on the door cut my thoughts. YunRea came followed by some guy.

- This is detective Lee, he is investigating your case. - A Tall guy with sharp black eyes bow and sat next to me taking his notebook.

- I'm here to take your statement, miss Park. Can you tell me all the details that you can remember from that day?- I nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. One by one I told him everything I could remember

- So you were able to see the face of your attacker?- Yes I remember him clearly but I never saw him before...- while I was talking I had another flashback before my eyes of a guy who attacked me before...his fist...he had a tattoo, an anchor! The same tattoo I saw on that guy with Stella. The detective noticed my frowning face

- It would help if you tell me all...- I met his eyes saw confidence and felt safe so I told him my suspicions. After that, he left promising to inform me about the investigation's progress.

YunRea sat next to me hugging me tight

- My poor friend you have been through a lot. I feel so sorry that I can't help you more, somehow...

I smiled shaking my head- You have already done so much for me. I'll be fine soon you don't have to worry that much. She smiled and gave me one envelope

- This came for you today.- I looked up It was a letter from China so I opened it. Two written pages were inside and one polaroid picture. The letter was from Jun and in the picture his smiling face sent me a flying kiss. I smiled and started to read. YunRea exit my room quietly leaving me to read in peace.

"My love, my sun, my moon, and my stars.

I wanted to write you a real letter. You can call me old-fashioned and make fun of me but still, I want to do this.

I'm sitting in my bed right now and I guess you are too, so let's pretend that we are together. Lay down and take this letter with you, I will do the same facing you. My eyes are looking into yours. I can see endless ocean in them. You are so beautiful and I love your blue-purple eyes. I will caress your hair, brushing naughty strands from your face and you would smile for me. I never understood how come I started to love you, how come you get into my heart but all I know is I want to keep you there.

You must be lonely too and now it must be so hard for you and I can't tell you how sorry I am not being able to be with you, to hug you, and make your bad dreams go away. Being my girl is not easy, always keep you waiting for me, worrying about me, seeing me with our fans... Baby, please don't be sad. My thoughts only belong to you, my eyes only see yours... you are my only."

I read his letter with tears in my eyes. I missed him so much but I decided to be patient. He will come back soon and all be fine. Lying like that I read his letter until I fell asleep. His words comforted me and warmed my heart, almost felt like he was hugging me.

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