Chapter 90: The Complexities Of Guilt And Misunderstanding

The Bortnik Farm, Unknown City, Unknown State....

Night fall caught a formerly slumbering Alexei Ivan Bortnik awake as he looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom and noted the surroundings of the familiar family farm he called home ever since his release from the mental hospital. Lonnie was still asleep, with his head leaning against Lex's small chest as the young lad resumed his activity of running his fingers through the older man's dark locks enjoying the simplicity of being with him again. He could still feel Lonnie inside him, the warmth between them welcome due to the cooling of the night air. The older man grunted in his sleep as Lex lied there feeling the weight of his heavier body against his own. He didn't know what it was about the abrasive asshole between his thighs but he wanted nothing more than to spend every moment with him since the day they met. Lex's blue eyes seemed to be misty as he continued to run his fingers along Lonnie's face and hair. There was no denying his need for this man, his voice, his touch, the enormous thing that was still stuffed inside him half mast and still pulsing. Lex couldn't imagine his life without him any more than he could live without Lex.

The younger lad had not minded the weight, he'd spent plenty of nights alone without being pinned to the mattress and he had hated it. His childhood had been all the worse due to his shifting hormones and his grandfather trying to beat him into a fashion that was suitable for his own liking. One moment he was too much a girl another he was too masculine and proposed challenge to the old man's status somehow. Either way, Alexei Ivan Bortnik found he'd been a problem for the old bastard.

Lonnie had not been like them.

He never had a problem with how Lex chose to be or if he even wanted to feel a certain way. He had simply accepted him and loved him as Hadrian had when he'd been his doctor. Lex sighed as he continued to think back to those dark days before Lonnie had come into his life. How lonely he'd been and how much people seemed to hate him for the way he was born. He had tried very hard to get people to like him, even going out of his way to be overly sweet and kind which only proved to make bullies want to hurt him all the more. Nothing he did could ever get people to see how much he truly wanted to be accepted by them and eventually he simply gave up.

Until, Dr. Hadrian Rawsone came into his life.

Hadrian was a good man, a kind man, someone whom had seen Alexei's suffering and took it upon himself to treat him like anyone else. He had even taken him on a camping trip for the first time in his life. A lot of series of firsts in Alexei's young life could be attributed to Hadrian including the first time he'd even had sex. The first time he was remotely attracted to an older man.

The situation in the barn was fueled by need and anger. The lad was furious that Hadrian had abandoned him and as a result wanted to hurt him in return only to realize that he had done far worse to a man that genuinely loved him than he had done in retrospect. It wasn't until later that Alexei learned the truth, that Hadrian was banned from seeing him or communicating with him with the threat of having his licence revoked due to the inappropriate ties with his patient. The good doctor spent his life helping people and couldn't risk not being able to again.

At the time, Alexei had dragged the drugged man into the barn, and tied him up via his wrists and ankles. He took out his rage and frustration on the dazed and confused man who's only crime had been to love a strange and unwanted boy like he had his own son. Lex had tears streaming down his cheeks as he recalled the camping trip he'd been on. It was the first and only time anyone had treated him like the child he was with Hadrian teaching him how to survive in the wilderness with him.

The lad recalled all too well the night he believed he'd ruined their relationship, and attributed it to why Dr. Rawsone had abandoned him.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

A Couple Years Earlier....

The Tent, Mason Creek, Unknown City, Unknown State....

It was late into the night when Hadrian Rawsone and Alexei Ivan Bortnik had turned in for the night as their day of fishing and setting up camp for the first time had come to an end. Lex had never been camping before and thought it a fun adventure. Dr. Rawsone had been nice to him and he told nice stories. He learned to fish, roast marshmallows, and how to spot certain kinds of plants. Lex recalled it being a hot night, one that was most definitely what contributed to Hadrian, whom had looked even more handsome in regular clothes as opposed to his suits when he visited the hospital, sleeping on top of his sleeping bag. Lex was restless and his attraction to the good doctor proved to be more than he could stand as he was quite aroused and tried his best to keep from staring at the man of his dreams whom had only been a few meters away from his own sleeping bag.

Lex tried his best to ignore the swelling of his average sized cock and the wetness between his thighs but try as he might, his eyes kept wandering back to the handsome man slumbering on the opposite sleeping bag. Hadrian had been asleep first, exhausted despite the heat and with his body above the sleeping bag, his own prominent erection from whatever he'd been dreaming about was quite visible even in the cover of darkness to the teenage boy whom had taken an interest in him.

Unable to keep himself from at least attempting to explore his fantasy, Lex unzipped his own sleeping bag and crawled over toward the slumbering Hadrian Rawsone whom had been none the wiser as the nervous teen climbed on top of him prompting the sleeping man to groan in his sleep when he felt the friction against his body.

In his mind, Hadrian had been back home in bed beside his wife Julia whom had not touched him in months and his weary mind continued to long for her as Lex began slowly trailing kisses along his neck and t-shirt clad chest. Still very much asleep, Hadrian mistook Lex for Julia and began kissing him back when the lad's lips grazed his own and gripped him tightly as he slowly proceeded to fish his cock from his shorts and Lex moaned in the process.

It felt good to have someone's arms around him, it felt even better to feel Hadrian Rawsone's hands sliding along his thighs and trying to slip his massive cock into the warmth his hands sought out. Lex had been all for giving in to the sensation of need that filled him and he was just as ready to ensure Hadrian got the release he needed after all he'd done for him. More heated kisses turned to Hadrian eventually towering over him desperate to be inside the heat he craved even in slumber only to find that he wasn't at home and kissing his wife, but was instead on top of his young ward and patient, Alexei Bortnik whom had been half naked and clinging to him.

"What the fuck!?" said Hadrian immediately backing away from him as terror filed across the handsome man's face.

Lex was quite disappointed that his possible first sexual encounter would be reduced to a scene of repulsion but tried his best to salvage it due to his arousal and desperation.

"It's okay." he urged Hadrian. "I know how much you want it...you can use me if you like."

Hadrian was absolutely horrified by the younger lad's words.

"Alexei...this cannot happen and it won't." he replied trying his best to recover from the shock and his own arousal.

Lex seemed a bit offended by the rejection. His apparent sadness at being unwanted even by the man of his dreams prompted Dr. Rawsone to do some damage control for he feared he'd lose the boy entirely.

"Lex that's...I don't mean...listen...I love you...I truly do, but not in the manner in which THAT requires...I see you as a son." explained Hadrian. "And I always will...one day you will find someone that will see you the way you wish them to see you, but I'm not that man."

Hadrian sighed as he approached the tearsful lad and wrapped his arms around him.

"I love you Alexei, but not in that manner." he replied evenly. "You'll see...one day you'll find that man or woman to love you like I can't and you'll be much happier than you ever thought you could be with me."

"You promise?" asked Lex at least hopeful.

"I promise." replied Hadrian before tussling the lad's hair and ushering him back toward his sleeping bag. "You won't even give me a second thought."

Lex had feared the incident would lead to Hadrian leaving him, while he still harbored attraction to the older man, he had grown accustomed to being loved like a son by him.

"I'd still think of you." admitted the younger Alexei with a smile. "I'd still think of you as my Dad."

Hadrian seemed pleased to hear that but asked that the incident never be mentioned again for fear of someone from the hospital finding out and pulling him off the boy's case as his doctor, he'd already been pushing boundaries as his legal guardian as it was.

When Hadrian took him back to the facility, it was the last time he'd ever seen Dr. Rawsone, until he'd been sixteen years of age and hell bent on revenge against him.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

The Master Bedroom, The Bortnik Farm, Unknown City, Unknown State....

Tears streamed down Alexei Ivan Bortnik's cheeks as he found himself awakening in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and feeling small in the large bedroom amid the darkness. He was shocked to find that he had not been alone, as Lonnie Collins was right beside him startled awake by the sad words of apology that fell from the ailing Lex's lips as he awoke. Lonnie swiftly rolled toward Lex and began kissing away his tears. He had never felt so guilty in all the time he'd ever been with the older man as he had that night reminiscing about how his love affair with Lonnie came to be from the very beginning.

"Lonnie?" whimpered Lex confused as he awoke from his dream.

"Shhhh." said Lonnie softly while still kissing the lad's chest and cheeks. "Take it easy, it was just a dream...I'm right here...I won't let anything happen to you."

Lex closed his eyes and took a deep breath before Lonnie wrapped his arms around him.

"I'm sorry." said Lex once more as he nuzzled his head against Lonnie's bare chest. "I'm so sorry...this is all my fault...all I did was hurt you."

"Hey..." said Lonnie sensing his lover's overwhelming sadness. "Knock it off...you ain't never hurt me do you understand, I'm here because I choose to be here."

"But Lonnie..." began Lex only to be silenced via Lonnie's intense kiss.

The older man pulled back, his dark eyes meeting the sorrowful blue eyes of his lover.

"Do you love me?" asked Lonnie not taking his eyes off Lex.

"Yes." replied the lad honestly.

"Then let all that go, all that matters is that we are here now and we're together." replied Lonnie in a stern fashion.

"B-But it's not fair to him." said Lex sadly.

"I don't give a damn about him." growled Lex. "He had his shot and now it's my turn, right here with you is where I wanna be, so get use to it, because I'm in it for the long haul."

Lex touched Lonnie's face and couldn't help but smile.

"You're only in it for wet hot pussy." said Lex knowing him all too well.

"And you love taking Daddy's big dick." replied Lonnie with a smug smirk of his own.

They kissed once more as Lex began to relax in his lover's embrace.

Lex smirked when he felt the intensity of his lover's sudden arousal.

"I think King Richard is DTF." he said kissing his lover softly.

"Mmmm." groaned Lonnie pulling Lex's younger and equally naked body closer. "Let him in."

Lex was all too happy to spread his legs for his lover as he clung to him feeling the sensation of being impaled like so many times before. It was the very feeling he had longed for that night at the camp site and was long denied only to force the issue himself some years later in his family barn.

"He's so big." moaned Lex loving the feel of Lonnie inside him.

"And you're so wet and tight baby." groaned Lonnie feeling the familiar warmth engulf him like so many time before.

"I love you." said Lex gripping Lonnie's shoulders via his clawed fingernails.

"I love you too baby." replied Lonnie as he began to thrust forward fully impaling the younger lad on to his appendage in desperation.

They exchanged heated kisses as their act got underway. As it was predicted in the memory beforehand, Alexei Bortnik had not even given a second thought about Dr. Hadrian Rawsone in that moment as he'd been much too consumed by his love for Lonnie Collins.